Live for a purpose get inspired

Out of e reservice

2011-06-30T03:24:00.000-07:00

How did I put on 2.5 kg in 10days.

10 Days in camp June 2011.

Day 1.(Monday)
At home i weigh myself.
56kg.
I was late and i got charged.
I saw many old time friends and got excited.
Some grew fatter some looked impressive!

Ran with my old buddy for 3 rounds round the track and my leg cramp for 1 week. LOL!

Day 2.
Good food good talking and good times sleeping in bunk.
Workout.

Day 3.
Practice some drums with my drumsticks and went around catching up.
Workout.

Day 4.
Got tired and sleep whole day.

Day 5.
Sleep another day.

Day 6.
Sleep 1 more day :D.
Book out.

Day 7. (Sunday)
Go church.
Went to school to practice.
Book in.
Ran and work out.

Day 8.
Play chess.

Day 9.
Play more chess and work out.

Day 10.
Play chess, Go drink a sip of beer(not too much in case i get rashes)
Sing KTV in the sergeant mess.

Day 11.
Book out.
Old buddy drove me home, and the car started smoking.
Wait for rescue from his dad n i went home by bus.
Put my feet on the weighing scale and i m
58.5 kg.

Aching

2011-01-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

Body.
Mind.
Heart.
Collapse.

I dont like people coughing in my face.
Now i m sick.

Wonderful day!
I play n play.
I m alone,
but not lonely.

Great day!
Troubles fly away!

Mayday!
Whoo!

First post 2011

2011-01-02T06:35:00.000-08:00

Every since 1 jan...
i have not talked to anyone.
Everynight lie on bed but cant sleep.

But i have done alot of things.
I went many places.
I met many people.
All in my dreams.
I was the healthiest man to lie in bed for 3 days.

As i moved tonight,
I wrote my resolution.
Life is like a breeze,
Cold and short.
I wrote.

I am Bai Jiaxing.
2011.

I m y.

Then now i m going to roll back to bed.
Living vegetable.

BUT TML! I HAVE A PLAN!
I m going to be.
I m.
I m Bai Jiaxing!
I m going to be Bai Jiaxing!

Just wondering hows Jiin.
Just wondering, but not going to find out yet.

So bed. Talk to me bed.
Have u ever wished you were the one lying on me instead of me on you?
I need you everynight.
I know there were somenights i didnt come back but bed i still miss u.
I wish u could talk.
Born dumb n mute n flat is a tragedy. Piti u.
I will find a cure for u.
But if you are hopeless, i guess i just have to love you just the way you are.

Last day of 2010

2010-12-31T02:31:00.000-08:00

I m right in school all alone teaching drums and after which go home to sleep.
I m sad.

XD!!! Happy New Year!

The subway auntie said.
I dao her... LOL!
I m evil today. XD

Tonight i will assemble my drumset.XD Cheer up!

Drums n work

2010-12-30T22:53:00.000-08:00

I had a weird dream.
I was too busy with school, drums and work.
My student's mom called me and told me my student was sad cuz i didnt turn up for his birthday party.
I had lots of stuff to settle, makeup lessons, school, drums and friends.

I woke up n i cant sleep.
I realise i really need to have a life other than my routine.

I have an ambition.
Maybe it is not strong enuf.
I need a life tats all.

I will rest well to do another good fight next year n be more sensitive to frens.

2011.

life is funny.

2010-12-28T20:26:00.000-08:00

When i m free no one msn me.
When i was rushing for time,
i get 1 call and 5 ppl talking to me about different things.
Life is funny.
Now i m free again n life goes back to lonely mode.

Ignored

2010-12-28T02:56:00.000-08:00

As i wanna tok to kena again i think i got ignored. -_-lll

Wad a tragedy. LOL!

As i was stoning and recovering from being ignored... a girl tap my hand gently and i WOAH! got a shock of my life. She is a deaf girl selling keychains... I bought one.

I guess i was a bastard. LOL...
Life cannot UNDO.
if can... i wont eat shit.
if can... i will want to be a drummer.

REPOST.
Ok. Kena didnt ignore me. Same she ask me to help her on scholarship and module registration and fees payment.
A friend in need is a friend indeed. I wont be a bastard anymore.

Jamming... i listened to 3 songs today... I wrote them down, and i play it for the first time. My band says, good. I m in fact impressive... i guess they donno i m perfecting another drummer's playing in first playing. But then with pride comes defeat... i m a really arrogant bastard. But my dream... i wish... i long to give glory to my God. Nvm...

I suddenly remembered part of my dream.
2 guys were drinking baby goldfish from a beer jug using straw! The guy nearer to me offered me some and i drank... n suck 1 baby goldfish from the straw and chew. OMG... i m sick! I was a woman in white bikini. And later on i was in a very narrow pool having sun tan. Applied sunblock n i showed the girl infront of me my Ultra white complexion n she was jealous. I m really an arrogant bastard... I cant remb much after tat, my grandma started screaming n i cant sleep.

Being woman is complicated. I dont like complicated woman.

Daily horoscope

2010-12-27T19:48:00.001-08:00

Says again...
Now i know why people don't write their own horoscope.
Because if someone write a horoscope for you...
You can blame others if your life did not turn out as it says.

I shall stop writing my horoscope.

Daily adventures!!
Learn 2 J pop songs, Practice percussion ensemble, Rhythm song, Monster solo, and Go jamming With my dreaded.. nightmare.. seriously i don't want to go.. I will tell them tonight.
In summary : Go out... Play drums... Go home.

I m enlightened!
I should go answer Kena about the module registration and be nice to answering her question. Because she needs help and i am a friend... Cannot ignore a friend.

Yesterday donno is my abs pain or my stomach pain...
Strange pain feeling... maybe i having cramps...

I dreamt i was a girl. LOL!
and guys flirt with me. Now i think of it i think it is an interesting feeling.
The feeling is scary... yet fulfilling cuz you know people admire your youth.
No wonder i have cramps when i wake up.

But then when women grow old... they talk very loud and continuously...
My grandma recently wakes up at 5am everyday and started talking very loudly continuously... In my head... I was counting how long she pause between her words...

Ai yo Ah! Bla bla bla bla bla bla! pause... ( i count 1.. 2...) Ah!! Bla bla blah blah blah!!! pause... (i count 1..) Ah Kong! Blah blah blah!!! ( 1... 2... 3... yeah... stopped) AEY!! AEY! AEY! Blah blah blah!!! ... I kept counting till she finally went out of the house for a daily walk at 6am.

This is a very interesting creature i have in my house... Why do humans want to talk so loud? Maybe because my granddad is half deaf. And why she repeat the same things over and over and over without losing her vigor?
Does this human instinct serve any purpose?
Soon i will realise..
But interestingly, with more words means she use more of her brain... and she is much much healthier than my quiet granddad.

Talking prevents sickness!

HEY!! I think this could be a plausible hypothesis!
Next time i will try to talk more and respond more vigourously.

my daily horoscope

2010-12-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

Says...
You will wake up late despite sleeping early.
You will eat indian pastry for breakfast.
You will have a great time in school and a great time at work.
And you will try to kill a friend with a gun, but no one will be killed. You miss your friend.

Hahaha!

Anw, yestderday i dreamt i was spiderman.
I love the feeling.
Always wanted to jump down buildings... But the story of my dream was AWESOME!!
I m sure it will make a great movie! I must record it down tonight.

Sunday

2010-12-26T05:22:00.000-08:00

Instead of heading to old folks church, i went to the gym early in the morning.

I really think at this point of life we need a dream! Big dream!
Then plan a journey to go there. Life will surprise u.

I always wonder what was the dream of a pastor when they were younger? Impact lives? Run a big church? Maybe it is just a calling.

I seldom have calling. People message me most of the time. Maybe God you could have msn? I got a few questions for you. I m interested in you.

Sharlene msn me today.
Sharlene: How are you?
Jiaxing: Good. You?
Sharlene: Good.

Tats all. Maybe she was trying to keep in touch. I appreciate that. :)

Little sheryl is going TKGS... just in case i forget. Psle 240.

Sometimes it is good to have just a few friends that matters. So i wont miss out any.

Of course Jiin... donno where to put her. She is a stranger yet an excellent friend. Maybe for now i will put her as... msn buddy. Workout buddy? Image consultant? LOLz! Personal comedian! Tats for sure! Interesting fren! Female clone!

I suddenly think of roti prata!

Yesterday Today Tomorrow!

2010-12-25T15:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday! Today! Tomorrow!
We need you!
To lie in bed at weekends!

I choose...

2010-12-25T05:11:00.000-08:00

Church, 20 old folks, 2 baby boys.
Me? I cant decide my status.
I cant connect wif ppl.
I came and i went telling a lie that i m meeting my frens but looking for an execuse to go.

I went to watch movie n had my dinner.

Tml is sunday service. I really donno should i go.

I m starting to feel outcasted n lonely even though there r humans all around me.

Or i can go gym, then go practice rhythm song.

Which will i choose?!
I wonder have anyone ever felt this feeling of stepping into church bubbly n happy and leaving emo n outcasted n drained. Well then y should i do that?! Lol! I have decided. God lets go gym tml! Me n you. Is tat cool or awesome! Yea! I m sure God will be happy to see me happy instead of lonely and sleepy n wasting my time.

Tats it :) Now i m a happy man :D

I donno if Elim will understand. At least i m doing something constructive to solve my depression. I pat myself. Good job boy, u r growing up.

I miss you. Cuz no one has ever made me laugh like that.
U r the first n prolly the last.

Christmas!

2010-12-24T17:03:00.000-08:00

I woke up early, tats amazing.
Must be the rashes, every year i tell myself i cant drink alot but i will eventually forget.
I think i need to go church today, Pastor elim n yee kei is in hk... i guess i m going to meet new frens in philos church.
Today i will wear red n white small stripes and look like a walking candy cane tat visited gym, wad tight fit Lol! I surprise myself! Woah! Gay. Perfect!
Yesterday! Today! Tomorrow! I need u to lie in bed whole weekend! Tat talking baby is so funny!

I find a friend very interesting.

So dead.

2010-12-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

I m too nice.
Dont want to play...
How?
She sings out of tune.
I m trying to escape w/o being nasty.
How.
God save me T.T
!
I need a plan. Or tell e truth.
I work for professionals not K box. T.T torture torture...

结束了

2010-12-23T20:15:00.000-08:00

就像东边莫名其妙飘过了几只飞天小猪。
没了。忧愁，焦虑通通消失了。
真是个没法捉摸的怪胎。

我今天很开心。圣诞前夕吗。。。我觉得将有特别的事在今晚发生。
但是今晚我也没什么节目。不就是教学吗。
好，我觉得该时间改变自己。
首先，我也没头绪。该往哪儿开始类？
好好好，有了！！
我一直都想在灵性上的生命有重新的发展。。
就今天！我该读圣经，祷告，待祷。没太晚。
因为我今天没死！Hahahaha!

Anyway, This is my wish this christmas.

One chawanmushi!
Two Pokka green tea!
Three pan pizzas!
Four Takoyaki!
Five egg pratas!
Six pizzahut drumlets!
Seven onion rings!
Eight fried scallops!
Nine milky monster crabs!
Ten half done beef steaks!
Eleven 虾饺！
And Twelve plates of fresh Salmon sushi!

Fly fly fly fly!!! LOL! Fly around! Hahahaha!

Christmas eve

2010-12-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

The night b4 christmas eve sleeping 7hours and wake up at 12 30am.

?!! O.o

But i had a nice dream.
Draggy random dream i have some problems recall.
My friends were with me. We went to a bar called influenz but i didn't drink. Maybe even in my sleep i also know it is not healthy to drink.
Then police came and collected all our ezlink cards?!
Then we went to eat supper... and i saw James and Luke?!
I was playing street fighter game with my 2nd brother??!!! And i was using... donno strange thing... i think it is a fat man but it is not Honda.. not Zangeef.
Very exciting! Oh ya!!! I remember now! Then i became the street fighter character and I became the Dragon ball kid! And my brother also. And I win with my life 2... and i wack my brother to hell!
And there was a scoccer match of 8-0!!! mm.. wait a minute... tats the news i watch b4 i sleep at 7pm.
And we wanted to go home cuz it is already 11 30pm... later no bus... But then we realised the police collected our ezlink card.
Then we went back to collect... Wa... the details i really got no mood to say here.... Ah... ok.. i will do it for science... people might find my dreams recalling skills worth investigating.

Further details.... I am really doing it purely for science... and i am really not liking this post anymore...
We were in the middle of a street with 2 tables.. i was eating Prata with my hands.
And then i asked Kun Jian what is he doing tomorrow for Christmas eve, He said he is going for chinese tuition. I said ok.. then i appeared at a tuition school... and the chinese was easy for me so i left.
Wee Siang was on the phone with someone else and James was talking to Luke.
When we decided to go collect our ez link... my secondary school friends behind me suggested they stay behind... Yee heng, jin chong and one more stange man i donno who.
3 of them stayed back to wait for a bus while 3 of us go back to collect Ez link.
We walked... But i was on a roller chair... James and Luke was driving home... And my bag strap got caught in the roller chair... James said : " Ah har... see la... your hair so long still want to sit roller chair... Hahahaha!" I say i got it... ok.. bye bye. (now it makes no sense to me at all) then i took out my bag strap and carried on.

I suggested we put our bags on the roller chair as we go on the journey... We got into many potholes on the pavement... rollerchair was not a good idea... but i was stubborn so we carried on pushing. Then Wee siang say.. very fast one... we are already on.. Gulliot road.. it is a very long very very very long road... I was like.. ok.. i believe you. Now i reacall.. it is -_-lll f****** LONG... so long i want to scold bad word!

I woke up. And not only that... my head was like... Why am i on bed? When did i sleep?
That i really dont want to record this... but, i slept at 7pm... to wake up at 12 30am.

Up next is a dream a day b4 23/12/10
Must i do this... not today... I am so depressed.

I was at a party in a very big auditorium.
Secondary school friends and some army friends... strange place... looks like cinema with bright lights... but the chairs look like in lecture halls of NUS.
I met my long lost friend Jack... he is as cool as usual... don't talk much to me.
There are many many strangers who are very nice to me.. i don't know them.
I went with a clique of friends... i know nobody... but we are friends. This is the weirdest thing i have felt. I told a girl... hey i don't drink... i will go sit down first... you all enjoy. the girl with curly brown hair and looks like young gloria esterfan... astounding pretty but i am really like... donno, don't feel any manhood in me at that time... She shouted.. "Hey! I cancelled... (i forgot) to come down this class gathering for you now you are leaving!! (very very angry girl here)..." Ok i stayed and drank sprite with a cherry... then i mingled with leonard...bla bla bla.. i totally forgot.
Then i was back to my seat next to Jack.. I m really depressed... i started reading this magazine about men's health... reading and reading... and i saw something really funny and started laughing! It is a man walking on a beach... ( i don't find it funny now) I lean very close to Jack's face and i elbowed his chest and look up... OMG!!! To my horror! It is a girl! I asked where is she from?! She said she is from class 1H. And her friends are all around me... OMG!!!! When did they appear?! I totally freak out inside me. They look extra angry.
This girl right beside me had black pony hail... and slanted eyes... i mean.. pretty slanted eyes... i mean... she is really pretty now when i recall.. but i stood up and shouted to Jack who is now beside her... Hey Jack! I thought that was you! Hey Jack! Jack never bother about me... I keep shouthing.. and...

I woke up.

Ok.. done.. wad a horror.
I think i am going to die soon.
Donno why.
I get this feeling every year and i will do very stupid things as if i was living my last day.
Today is my last day walking this earth...
I hope i had made some friends happy... perhaps care enough to come and spit on my coffin.

If i don't wake up tml and appears in the headlines of "mysterious death of a young man"
Don't freak out... i also donno how i am going to die... maybe i drowned in my dreams... no no... tat can't be.. i can breathe underwater and i have visited atlantis before...
Maybe i stayed there very long.. have a family.. grew old and fell sick and die.

I only got 1 thing i want to do... donate my organs.
They are extremely healthy. If you work hard enough on my heart... it might even pump again... just don't give up... and donate that too. And my brain... just dump it, junk.
Ok save my body for the coffin.
Funeral is no no no no for me please.. if really need..
read this note at my funeral.
" No matter how healthy you maybe,
Or even successful,
Treasure who you love and buy them flowers
Before you know it,
they might even return your love with more flowers
but on your grave."

add a Hahaha to end it.
It is meant to be a joke to cheer people up.

Thanks for being so helpful whoever is investigating my case.
Make sure you don't freak out... I am behind you now as you read this... Don't look back.
LOL! I am joking. Be sure to sleep early policeman.

And to Science...
I have 23 years long of history not to be studied by historians... Don't torture kids with history anymore.
It is for science i live.
If you ever find out the secret i am not telling you now.
I tell you... you will never find it before you die...
Because i got no secret.
Thanks for my nonsense.

Now back to sleep.

Elvis...

2010-12-23T01:46:00.000-08:00

Are u lonesome tonight...
tats a good qn.
I like the name samson.
Samson's father must be Sam then.

Ha... i m really lost my laugh.

I went to the counter and asked for some happiness. It was not for sale. I shoplifted today because i needed it. I thought i could keep it. But the security guards caught me and took away the happiness.

Christmas eve tml. I will sit here at yoshinoya all day. The food taste... ultra horrible! I could barely swallow.
I rather eat humans.
I suddenly think of grace yoshiko.
She said she got my dental gum.
No i dont want to eat her.

But the whole day...
I have no mood to stop eating.

No more rice in my yoshinoya. Maybe i should help them clear the table and throw away the bowl. >:(
oops.. they are fast...they clear my table.

If the whole world becomes zombie except me...
I would go sentosa resort world and sit roller coaster! Then go to haunted house. It will be the best haunted house ever!!

ha...

ha
ha.

Today i fail to entertain myself.

I miss my clone Jiin. Haiz...

What makes us humans?

2010-12-22T17:19:00.000-08:00

1. Will Power!!!
Hahahaha!!!! Laughing TTM!!!
Was there earthquake?
LOL!!!

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG... Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What strong determination!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

The last part ROCKS!!! Like he got shot when he was near the door!!! LOL!!!!
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going CRAZY over this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.Speech
OMG.. my abs hurts from that drunk man... this is not funny.

3.This applies to some guys only. Touchy.
He just wants to hold her hand.

4.Sharing.
They never get lonely!

5.Incredible strength Mothers possess

New fan

2010-12-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

I got a new fan. It is white. I like white.

I spent some time asking myself.
So what is it like to like someone?

I really donno.
I like adventures but this one is not easy.
Fear cuz i donno wad i m feeling.
Tonight i got a nice new fan but i cannot sleep.

I got a question i got no answer.

Why people miss others?

I donno. Freaking OUT! Woah!!!

Love laughing... pure happy
Love sharing n feel someone knows
Love being crazy without feeling strange

It makes people happy to have a special friend
but it makes people scared to lose this special friend

Time to be a honest whimp...
I really m scared that a friend might become too special n too hard to lose.

I m really a psychotic whimp with strange Fears.
It is like thinking an apple might explode.
Loving someone might make her explode and no more.
LOL! But i m not laughing today.

confused today.

OMG

2010-12-21T17:58:00.000-08:00

This is e kind of day i wake up and realised...
Wad have i done yesterday?!!

O.o

OMG!

Really drunk.

But it was fun.

Will miss it when i m old.

miss her... O.o i really donno wads on my head.

Feeling strange.

Stay cool... chill.

Great day ahead!!! Drums and percussion ensemble and practice! More practice!

maybe...

.. .-.. .. -.- . .... . .-. ?

Ariel and me

2010-12-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

Highly psychotic but lovely.

It started like this..

I dreamt of her, and i woke up to drew her.

Then just like magic she is like part of me.

Well... wad i like is she never stops smiling.

And follows me very closely everywhere i go... and she never stops smiling...
But i like it.

So i went to school and finish up my Rhythm song... Wa lau... 14pages. finally sia. I hate the composer!
She never seem to be bored of my ting ting dong dong. Love her smile.

Then We went to walk around PS... boring day though... Thank God she is around.

Then I went for my IPPT, wa... i really don't want to bring her in... very embarassing... but i still did.
I very shy everyone stare at her following me everywhere.
But she keeps smiling like nothing is wrong. OMG.
Wa.. but i like her company...
And i put in all my effort to impress her.

This is my result.

I got silver and i Got 200 dollars.

So i met up my friends and was really shy to tell my frens so just let her follow me around.

We ate subway... one each... actually she didn't eat... She can't eat subway.
So she smile.
So i help her finish up the foot long Meatball sub.

Then finally i met my friends to eat at Poepoeys.
We chat. I don't eat because i m healthy, so she also didn't want.
She can't eat also.

Then we went to suki sushi to eat Sushi... my friends didn't eat
so me and her ate 6 plates of salmon sushi.

Then we went to eat dessert.

Eat eat eat... so boring life... now i type this i realise y is it about eating this eating that.

Ok... she must be bored.. we went home.

The last thing i know was showering with her and i rubbed her away... a little painful.

.
.
.
.
.
and!!!
.
.
.
.
.
Thats my Ariel

my tatoo

Hi there again! i am back! Whoo!

2010-12-20T07:16:00.000-08:00

Hey! I really love to write diaries now.
It is a girl's thing. No, i like it. No one can say i am wrong. No one can say i am weird.
No one can ever tell me bad things!!

First up! Mutant Metabolism! X treme!!!

My family is born with a special talent of mutant metabolism rate!
Imagine a diet like this...
Milk,bread and 2egg white, duck rice, salmon rice, 2 subways and end it with milk and some snacking in between and supper.
5 big healthy meals a day and a supper... tats 6 big healthy meals.
And i am slimming down!!! Incredible!
LOL! This must be a joke! No.
But i feel damn healthy.
I think it is the sleep... sleep early :)

So i have found another talent in me,

Tml is IPPT day!
And yes i am totally going to on full power and tats it... i will certainly drop 2kg after that.
No choice... With great power comes great sacrifice.

How to lose weight?

For those who are looking for a method to slim down...

Eat 3 healthy meals a day and do something that keeps your brain in caffein mode without the use of caffein... like blogging... LOL!

Exercise X treme... not slow jog... just run like escaping from hell for 5 minutes a day.

Hallucinate and Constantly remind yourself that someone is trying to kill you... that will keep your heart pumping fast.

Develop an OCD habit like... washing clothes again after taking them out of the washing machine... Be an extreme perfectionist.

Adopt a nasty baby! Preferbably cry all day.

Be a teacher. The more students under your care the better.

Join a gang. I don't know why but most ah lians are thin.

Ride a turkey.

Marry a poor man. If you are a man... stay poor.

Ok.. sleep baby sleep. Stop craping.

Monster,

2010-12-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

Monster truck pull solo.
I need to construct a Monster out of rubbish Metal and I have to play it like a monster.

Monster!!!!

How now???!

Maybe i should lie on the stage with my toy cars.

and...

BAM!!! BAM!! BAMMM!!!! LOL!!!

That will be so cute.
I will graduate NAFA with a medical cert.

Cannot sleep

2010-12-19T09:48:00.000-08:00

Unload my brain now.
I declare. If i play drums after 10pm, i won't be sleeping for the whole night.
But the lesson today is great. If i write it down here, i might get to sleep.
I am going to master these,
1. RLRR LLKK LLKK RRLL
2. alternating 24th grooves with L hand start.
3. RKKK with stick spins
4. create some 48ths.

Ok. Today i am happy i got broke my record of 200bpm and got 220bpm.
I hope people get inspired and want to be like me.
I am a fast drummer. Well i hope i can be professionally fast and musical.

I realised a training tip. Is to train as short a time as possible... with all your heart.
And eat alot!!!
to grow that muscle. You will not grow fat.
If you really grow fat... then you will understand why all fat drummers drum faster than i do.

I talked to Jiin today. She is funny... everyday! XD!!!

If i have a dream.
I will wake up.
If i wake up,
I will day dream.

If i am happy today,
I will be happy tomorrow,
If i am happy tomorrow,
I will give all my wealth to charity and donate my organs to hospital.

If i am alive i will do my best before i die,

If i am a butterfly i will eat butter and fly

If i am a sheep i will look for Mary to marry her little lamb.

If i am a lamb chop i will never know it.

Curry

2010-12-18T19:18:00.000-08:00

No food for 30 mins

The black Nann. And black chicken.

Curry

2010-12-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

U eat north Indian Buffet with Kun Jian and Wee Siang today.

The curry was hot.
But Kun and Wee say it is not hot. U thought they were lying.
They thought you were lying. It is very hot.
Anyway Kun say it is like saying eating apple is hot. LOL!

The curry comes in Green Yellow and Orange.
And the Chicken comes in Black(seriously), Green, Red, Orange and blue.
The Prata, they call it Nann is actually a very burt piece of prata.
I asked the waiter for more Nann, and i say i want it less Black.
The waiter looked surprised.. so i repeated.. less black.. Nann.
The waiter say ok.

Wee Siang then told me that Black is a very sensitive word to use in a indian restaurant.
I think i got it.
But then the nann still come back even Blacker this time!!! -_-lll
I gave up. I guess they don't know what i meant by less black.

Today U ate every 2 hours. Good job. U did it :) You like it.

And tomorrow is the Drummer's challenge. My speed is 200 flat.
If i win the 100 dollars.
I will treat my good friends to buffet.
Tuesday is IPPT. If i get 200dollars.
I will treat my good friends to buffet.

Dummy.
As the days pass, i get stronger, i get dumber and i get happier.
Today i helpped my mom pull a cork out of a very old wine bottle it was easy with my strength.
I always leave my card in the practice room and i always have to kick open the door.
I always kick once and the lock will snap! But must be smart to know that no one is around when i do that... especially the indian security guard.
I also getting less lonely, i am in fact, looking for more friends to play with.
But they still think i am strange. I just go back and take out my pencil and draw.

I would call this stage of my life: I miss u.
I miss u and a and b and c and d. But especially u. Sometimes i miss Y.
I always wonder why everybody loves U, me too.
Sometimes i think i love Mi. Do re mi the Mi. Then maybe it is a colour i will remember.
Orange.
I don't like to eat orange though. But i eat if i have to.
And i got a good memory of the first movie i watched when i was in my mommy's womb...
I could see flashings of red colour and hear explosions... I think it is superman.
And when i grew older i like Flash.. because he is Red too.
Then i remember the orange ball i used to put in my mouth...
on that ball is a word... i forgot.
I miss this toy train that i bought from night market...
It has many tracks.. and i don't know why my brother don't let me touch... Only after i grew older then i realised i broke it in my fustration that it does not move.
I broke a Cassette tape too because it does not play... i remember hitting the play button so hard that the tape fell out. My mom told me that... and i remember... i don't admit.
I like to hide under the table and paint my bread with colour ink and i will eat them... some even taste bitter... I remember i miss eating pizza thats why i do it.
And i had a barbie doll which i tore apart because i thought the hands were in wrong position... but i put the head into the arm's position and the legs on the other arm.. LOL!! I love that.
And i like them naked and disembodied, i don't know y. Now i know why. LOL!
I think i am perverted and might become a serial killer oneday.
I miss my childhood. I wish i was there again.

Is she crazy?

2010-12-16T05:06:00.000-08:00

Ok she treats me as a friend.
she says hi.
She says i miss you.
Then she say just teasing me
she says show me a photo of a ghost.
She show me a photo of herself with a terrible hair.
I freak out and never reply.
She say "sorry my bad."
Then she log off.
Wad is on her mind? Tell me ladies.
I m starting to lose interest in her.
Will she be sad i am ignoring her like that?

I m on bus.

2010-12-16T01:21:00.000-08:00

147.

I m sleepy n going home from school.
I practiced a little but hard.

raining outside e window.

everyone is lookin out. I also.
Just yesterday, i realised i was dreaming n i gave up i told myself to wake up. Playing God is not my thing.

NEXX! but raining. I dont like e cinema. The screen is half of normal cinema.

Ahhh! Boring boring bori. ing.
Maybe i should just comeon...
chill.
i m thinking of elim n yee k in hong kong.
I m a little excited bout e new church.
thinking of wee siang n kun why we frens so long.
thinking of dinner. I feel like shitting.
excited i m reachin home.
Hahahaha! Remb the clone photo yest.
Hahahahaha! A baby ate too much macdonalds.
Oh man... people r lookin at me. Don laugh now...
think of sad stuff. Hahahaha!
Get down now.

Now i m home. I dont want to go up.
Take bus to hg mall.
Now i m on 132.
This is getting boring... Y would i read this when i m old? Look for some adventure.
Thinking of dad. I want to drive bus when i grow up.
to e library. I just saw a dwaft.
mmm... wing chun. I wanna learn tat. Bruce lee! Woah!
ok get a boring book so i can read n fall asleep.
Ah! essential difference! How girls think. ok. tats enuf nonsense to blog.

Part 2: Home
LOL! WTH!!

I left home at 53kg.
Now i reach home and i am 55kg!
Ever stuffed a teddy bear till it bloat and become a Teddy Ball.
LOL!!! I love that! Hahahaha!!!
If ever i got a chance to go Build-A-Bear, LOL!! I will build a punching bag bear!!

I am going to say something that will hurt many...
I got no tummy!?
After eating 2kg of food in 1 day.
No tummy! Yeah! Make girls jealous. Only if i were a girl. :(

Must be the protein powder... I thought i would give it a try... LOL!! My brother is so going to kill me when he come back..."WHO Drank my protein powder!!!"....
Not me... not me... the powder evaporated. Laugh at him!!! Hahaha!
I am wrong... protein powder does helps to bloat you.

Well this is wad i ate...
1. Protein shake and milk and bread
2. Chicken rice + chicken
3. Subway chicken breast 1 foot.
4. Duck rice
Drink 2 bottles of lipton green tea.

There must be a balance in what we eat. Never eat too much or i will fall sick.

Species update.

2010-12-14T04:37:00.000-08:00

Strange species new update.

Population count : 2

I don't wanna blog this...
but it could be a great post for future scientific research.

The question is... Is personality determined by Genes or by Environmental factors?

Here i found a speciment with almost identical birth conditions.
Born within first 3 days of Nov.
With 3 sibblings of the same gender, 2 older, 1 younger.
Lives near the equator and speaks asian english.

After a few sessions of integorration...
I classified the similarities as coincidences at first.
But it became really disturbing when the similarities were defying the rules of probability of entrophy or even deviating towards the end of the bell curve where coincidence is a false hypothesis.
Highly disturbing to even imagine such a creature exist...

My hypothesis was : Alien abducted one of us and produced a clone. Of course not. How can that be -_-lll

My hypothesis was : The 3rd child of a 4 sibblings family usually fits a certain set of qualities that i am not really sure which are the ones.

This is serious matter and i could be the next nobel winner if this research is carried out full blown... but then i will need to locate more speciments in asia and do a case study. This will take decades to even begin... so i have decided i wish someone steal this idea and brings it further. Please honour me for the avant garde discovery.

Sometimes i wonder to myself if i am a psychotic patient with interesting hallucinations of being a scientist's assistant and even starting my own practice if i am able to raise the funds and manpower. If this day ever happens... i will focus on a few major topics...

1. Human consciousness.
2. Human's lucid concept of time and the subconscious concept.
3. Time travel.
4. Sushi.

Sushi

2010-12-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

Today i ate lunch with my 2 good old buddies Wee Siang and Kun Jian.
Dim sum... and it cost 26 dollars each!!!
Less than 12 plates of dimsum.
Very expensive.
I will not go there again.
And i was still hungry.

Again today i ate sushi dinner with my old friend kun jian.
I ate 17 plates including 8 plates of salmon sushi.
And total both of us paid 26 dollars and i was full.
I will go there again.

I realise a strange habit... they keep asking me why i keep ordering Ha Gao??
I say because i like Ha Gao so i eat Ha Gao... 3 trays only ma.
They say nothing else.

Then kun say why i keep taking unagi sushi and scallop sushi?
I say because i like so i eat lor.
So out of the 17 plates all are Unagi, Scallop and 8 plates of Salmon.

I am happy i found out more about myself today.
If i like to eat something, i will just eat the same thing.

The Each a cup auntie also can recognise me because i always order the same thing...
I am happy she has got good memory,
I love to walk up to Each a cup and just nod my head and pay. Don't even need to speak.
But i smile and flirt with her LOL!

I love to do the things again and again.
And i remember when my brother was young and was in his cradle watching teletubbies,
And at the ending when the Baby Sunshine is going down the hill...
Hahahaha!!! I will cover the Baby sun and my baby brother will Cry
and when i remove my hands, he laugh!
And i cover and he cry!
And i remove... he cry again... cuz the sun has already set.
I wish i can find a youtube of it.
I am mildly psychotic but LOL!! my parents were not around!!!
Hahahaha!!!! So fun! I miss bullying baby.

HERE!!! Hahahahaha!!!! Hahahaha!!!!

Working out

2010-12-12T18:36:00.000-08:00

I think i got a theory.

I always hates chemicals and the whey protein powder my brother bought gives me a motivation to prove him wrong.

Muscle grows naturally when you need them to
not when you take protein and workout.

And genetics plays a part too.. asians usually gets more tone than bulky.
We got the speed and endurance while the big monsters got the power.

So i will rather go for practical muscle usage than for the looks.
But if practical muscle usage is made so extreme and maybe impractical, tats where size comes in.
Of course don't starve. Or else POW will be your new name.

Here is my theory:

The brain will never accept what it thinks is wrong. But its fluidity will transform your body only if you give the right input.

Workout in a relaxed manner and condition your muscle to perform in its proper natural technique. Wrong technique is something that is sloppy and not focused... this is hard to explain. ( e.g. if you want to do push ups, Do real professional push ups slow and steady, relaxed and focused... I really hope i find the right words to express this intangible idea one day.)

No external weight is necessary, find creative ways to support more body weight. There is always a reason why out legs are more muscular than our arms.

And... no one will buy my idea. Critics are many. I stay strong.

How bad can someone hurt you without knowing it???

2010-12-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

I like a girl.

But, the girl don't feel the same.
(I really hope the story ends here... no... it gets more and more exciting!!!!)

I wouldn't like her if she had not responded is a way i would misunderstand... Ok now i get it but... she just can't understand that it is not easy to forget her. And I need time to adjust.

Ok we are friends.

I don't want to be too close to you.
Basically i am ignoring you.

But...
You keep looking for me now and then
because you need some help
So.
I help you as a friend :)
I am starting to hurt just when you say ok.. tats it.. bye bye.

You are bored so we went out for a night...
and hear you talk about how you miss a guy you like.
I thought that hurts... ok... I listen and yea... i know you like him... so can you leave me alone?!!

When you asked me whether anyone will like you...
I said there is surely someone who like you... and i talk of your goodness
and,
You said no.. no one like you.
And I am just a kind OLD man
This really fuels burning sensation on my wound.... Let me DIE!!! GO AWAY!!!

No one was free to support your competition
So i went to gave you support.
You asked me to take a video of you so i did.
CLIMAX!!!!
""!!!!!!!Then you ask me to secretly take a photo of that guy you like!!!!!"""""
I almost did.
JUST don't do such thing to me please!!!

Anyone understand how painful it is and how hard it is to bear such torture from a seemingly innocent girl.

Ok.. you got into finals and everyone is congratulating you..
Me too... And You look sad...
Why??
Becuse the guy you like did not get in.
So now the guy come and console you!!! You got in???!!!
So I am really lost.. just leave me alone from now on...
I am really brokened, sprinkled with vinegar and burnt with acid.

All these would be simplier only if... i don't like you.
It would be really easy.
But Why did i like you lei?
Beats me to find the answer... why did i like you in the first place?
Why can't i "don't feel anything" for you?
I don't feel anything for all other girls... mm... except one in JC. Tats really history and she was kind enough to handle it well. Thanks for that.
Why can't you just leave me alone?
Why can't i just ignore you? Why do i always answer your call and reply your sms? I can't bear not to do it. But i did ignore many people including my most respected figure... sad to say i am irresponsible TTM!

Wads my plan?
Give it to God will be the best answer.
But... I mean...
I like you... but i don't want myself to like you... can that be controlled??
I never even think of liking you or fantasize of having a girlfriend...
I don't want a girl friend!!! But i like you?
It is now that i wonder if i am schizophrenic?

So... give what to God???
God if you were to know this I would want you to understand that...
Yes i understand how it feels now when You like me so much... yet i just look for you when i need you... or even tell you about other idols in my life. What a pain... i know i know... so is it time you remove this "liking" or what chemicals causing me to "like" her? A feeling of crush that won't leave me... That!!! Is what i think you have put in me to share your pain... I know i know... but it is really too much for my inexperienced heart. Thanks if you reply fast. That will be greatly appreciated.. in fact i will love you :) I mean i actually had forgotten you to be honest... but deep in me i know you are always doing something for me when i need you... and i label you just as a "friend"... What a torture.... Yea yea i know.. I am sorry.

strange species

2010-12-01T19:09:00.000-08:00

Now i am really running alot and eating alot.. 2 portions per meal and 4 meals a day.

I think this is the feeding habit for my species.

Diet: Prefers meat and vege. Basically swallows whatever falls into my mouth.

Habitat: Spent many hours in small spaces but requires long distances to release the extremely large amount of starch intake afterwhich falls into a premature hibernation.

Character: Not very sociable but sociable when i need to be sociable. Very tame. Will not attack unless provoked. Fatally violent when irritated. Has inclination to stab you with drumsticks at the most extreme irritated state!

Sound: Hardly talk.

Size: Infant stage looks pathetically small... but at adulthood.. still look just as small. This sounds really wrong but I mean height and weight... LOL!

Speed: Very fast moving for something this size.

Qualities: Has a tendency for repetitve motion like hitting things with sticks. And possess highly ambidexterious skills in 4 limbs sometimes 5 if you include the head as one brainless limb. OMG! That sounds like starfish Patrick!

Colour: Comes in all colours but mostly spotted in white.

Currently existing: 1

To be wiped out due to the drastic changes of the earth and declining food resources and of course it will be a good news to celebrate. :)

LOL!!! I am so entertaining myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Running

2010-11-25T19:38:00.000-08:00

It is really hard to forget what i dream of.

We were in a platoon and of course i know everyone of them. I was assigned to pair with Frankie. The mission? I really do not know and i just feel that Frankie knows.

Then Captain Edward... or Edwin.. i can't remember his name... but he is a old man. Got a scar on his face, blue iris. He is crazy and started scolding the platoon and i have no idea what he is trying to say. I just know that he is not very happy. Sometimes when i meet him i will hear people call him sergeant? I thought he was captain??

Well then change scene, i was in the new pixel uniform with frankie. And we were at a very dense forest... but it was beautiful!! There were actually tracks to walk.. This is the 1st time i walk on this track so i followed frankie! It was really wet and muddy though.

Then we ended up in a shopping centre and i remembered that i forgot my lunch so i wanted to look around for something to eat... but most shops were closed.. Yes!!! I went around and it was a School! I saw Hua Zhi who is studying there. I don't know what school is that but as i climb up the stairs that looks like NAFA backdoor stair i ended up in a Concert hall! And there were many people around and they were recording a music. I wonder what they are playing... they were actually holding strange big things. Well i just made 3 careful steps and i was at the end of the hall. I thought my footstep was going to be in the recording.

At the end of the hall, i went down a flight of stairs again. Then I saw the Sign on the Board... Very big sign... "Singapore.. I.. management" Something like that... i keep looking at it cuz Hua zhi keep blocking my view. But i Thought i saw SIM but i am not sure. Anyway i heck care. Wait a minute... I always like to check with reality.. perhaps i should ask Hua zhi where he is studying, but i lost contact with him :(

Then when i went down, Frankie and i started running again. This time... no track.. Frankie was running through the thick forest with many humps and holes and We were actually going through a mud pool!! I care less.. i just follow... Wow.. still long way to go... i mean my dream. Don't ask me how i remember the details ok.. i really don't know why too, if only i can remember this well in real life.

Then as we were reaching a green patch of grass, we saw a tall building and tourists were surrounding it... We started climbing this narrow and steep and flat ground, it is like climbing a 70degree steep slope made of Dry sand. It is really high.. almost 5 storeys high. And we reached a end point where the tourist said that it is a dead end.. we waited very long and Frankie was resting at the corner of the wall. I followed. A guy went ahead and i heard Sawing sound then water dripping down.. We went ahead and realised that he had burst the water pipe and people were washing their hands!! Some were drinking! Then Yee Kei laughed and said to me "Hey Jiaxing why don't you go burst the Gas pipe too? Hahaha!"...
And don't ask me where Yee Kei come from.. She was part of the tourist group.

WE went ahead and i heard people shouting that the water is going no more so hurry up! It is a beautiful garden where the water flow to. Flowers and trees and just beautiful.. i really cannot describe. Then we went into a monastry.. It is really errie!! There were idols all around and the floor was Damn.. Disgusting!! I went around the house to see.. and at the back of the house was a store room... there were stone sculptures and Frankie pointed out a dead rat that was still twitching... But strange enough i was not disgusted. And many dead bodies all around!

Then they went ahead. I was checking something out but i don't know what, but then i ran after them... I lost Frankie! But i look around and saw a door that was going to close... it was closing... i ran and squeezed through it and my leg was about to be squashed by the door.. i tugged and pulled and i ran up the stair. Poom.. the door shut. Oh man.. it is another opening... we explore around, then the lights went off.. the show was going to start. We were suddenly in a movie theatre. And the lights were coming from the front.. shinning on the stage. I took the nearest seat and Frankie was pressing his smooth cheek against my.. i just pushed away. Right in front was an old man... i have a feeling we are all going to die.

I hate to say but i woke up.

The riddle for a pathetic guy

2010-11-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

I...

I had a strange dream.
She slowly crept into my room and hid a treasure at the corner of my room.
I woke up and found that treasure chest lying right there but without a key.
I waited night after night that she will appear to hide the key.
But that night never happen.
There was a day when i woke up and found the chest empty.
I found her at the end of the stairs looking lost and sad.
She told me that her heart was given to the guy who knows how to open that chest.
I went home and stared at that empty box - once a treasure chest.
When i closed it i noticed a riddle carved at the back of the chest.
"I will open if you first open yourself to me."

Could it be worse?? Hahaha!! Lets make it worse.

I...

I had a strange dream.
She slowly crept into my room and hid a treasure at the corner of my room.
I woke up and found that treasure chest lying right there but without a key.
I waited night after night till the night i before i die.
I called lock breaking service and when they opened it they found a note.
"Happy Singles Day!"
Thats how i die.

Anyway.

As we grow older i guess we realise more things from making mistakes :)
I had made many but not yet enough, come hammer me! (still insane)

Imgaine the day when i was young and stubborn and i refuse to believe that being sad is a choice.
Being sad and quiet and insociable is a choice.
Thanks for the person who said that to me.. if you ever think i will forget about it...
no i remember every single word.

Some hypothesis

2010-11-23T19:27:00.000-08:00

Well first my brother came out looking like me and now he is into time travelling just like i was. I really think he is my clone made by a friendly alien and he wants to take over the world! The only major difference is that he hates music. Emphasize "hate"!

Well then, thats enough to freak me out. And then he likes cycling and learnt it on his own out despite parents discouraging. This is bad. Perhaps the genes are really similar.

Well, nevertheless, then, even though... I realised a fact that the use of fanciful words are sometimes a way to cover the fact that i know very little but i am trying to say a lot from the little i know so that i seem to know alot. Well i hate that. If i know little i say little tats it.

And of course the 2 projects that i put on hold has resumed. The dream project is still on hold because personally i do not want to hold back my creativity. Some times.. all the time, dreams tell a wonderful story that i wake up and think to myself, "Whoo... I wish everyone can see what i just saw..."

Then the 2nd project of ambidexterity. Born with it? Or become a ambidexterous monster by mere daily activities?

I am a practical person who likes to test out hypothesis personally. Being really inferior compared to a real researcher who deals with brain activities mainly of the corpus or the motor and the critical thinking regions of the brain. However inferior, i guess i just want to find an answer to my question. :)

I am so glad i am a drummer which means whatever ambidexterous activity i practice is going to nail down my chops like "BaM!!" Nail down!

So here it goes as the project has been on hold for 1 year. I think the last post.. i can't remember... i was copying a few poems by unknown authors.. right on this blog.. i put a few pictures of my handwriting. And after which i do not know what's wrong, i did experience insomia where i see colours which can't make me fall asleep. And following that a period of depression which led me to where i am today. I can say. Could not be totally true.

When i started out with this programme again.. which is just writing, brusing, eating, drumming like a lefty, the effects seems to come back.

Depression led on by a series of insomnia. And i can say a few series of hyperactivity of the brain warining me that someone is trying to kill me. I would call Mania.

I think it is not easy to be me and i am slowly turning less sane still with an idea of a creator which i say is pathetic and i need to build that relationship before it breaks. Terrible of me.

Well, then i travelled back to a 5-6 years old me. And drew a few pictures of fishes and skating. I know that i have long forgotten how it would feel to want to grow up and not looking back and see how i wanted to stay there. Well, i am here now i would stay.

And perhaps a little hint of my deteriorating or deteriorating or detrioretating?? language skill which could be a lack of exposure or maybe a chemical change up there where i can't think without drifting like the "flashbacks" you get when you know you are going to die. Near death i think.

All these got nothing to do with my research. I think i need a plan. Thats what i said months ago. Anyway.. then this thing kicks in.. where i go RLRLRK RLK LRLRKK RLRLRR LRLRLL love it.

Ok, the good side of being what i thought i would not want to become but maybe i should stop it and yet i can't. Thats just what i think i need to do. So the good side is, finally i can really differentiate left from right very fast. Very fast! stuttering problems sometimes.. even when i teach... it just occured recently.. when i think too fast to speak.. and it is too frequent for me to express myself normally... so often that i think i didn't speak more that 100 sentences in a week. But well thank God i got hands to write.

That! is not depression!! That is not depression! Believe me. I am born to eliminate the need for voice. OH!!!! That why i see my little brother does not like to be in Choir!!! Just like me!!! Oh man.. some alien must have captured me to produce this freaky clone!!! Hahaha!

Well, the end of the day i don't know my time because my watch is always 25 minutes fast and i can't calculate fast enough to know the real time so i am actually quite lost in my time.

It is funny when someone ask me what time it is?? Then i stare at my watch seeing 12:23. Then i stare back at them like an idiot... and say... 12... 12... mm... 11.. *use some finger maths... Before i can tell them the answer... they look at my watch themselves and say Thank you. I didn't suppose they need to know the answer, but i hope they find out.

Better get going for skating with edna and weenie. Today is going to be hectic... I always amaze myself with many appointments up in my head without a schedule but then i can't remember names. LOL! I think that what primates are made to do.. know when to do what but they don't have names. Ever seen a monkey calling another monkey "Hey monkey!"... "You calling me? Monkey? Yes? Are you monkey?"... "pass me a banana!"... "here!" ... "Thanks!"... Want some cheese? Come on.. monkeys don't talk. Give me a break will you.

Ok. off you go man.. see you later.

This is really terrible!

2010-11-20T06:44:00.000-08:00

Oh God! Oh my God!!! I feel utterly terrible!!

When someone you love so much don't miss you. God i understand.
It is really a nightmare God!

When i just finished skating... when i just do... when i just was going home.
A message from monster :" Do i have any qualities that boys will like me?"

What the heck!!! I Don't want to answer you please!! Please give me a break!
When someone you like does not like you but is seeking you when they are sad and then ignoring you when they are happy. I am really broken God! Just let her disapper please.
Ahh. I really don't like this feeling. Let me go sleep.

bad Memories, holidays

2010-11-17T07:14:00.000-08:00

I think this is going to be a long post.

The writer in me is exploding to manifest but i must control it with my thoughts and feelings.
Basically it has been a long time since i post anything for further reference. And it is always true that when i re-read them they seem a little childish than who i am now. But then again... Feelings sometimes makes me illogical and can't think. These are the times that i need to realise and remedy in case i make the same mistakes.

Past 3 months are a heck of real tough times... and a heck of real emotional times... less of a heck of depressing monents... also less of high moments too.

Tough times struggling through the modules and passing my test.. Thank God i did pass. And will never forget my promise "to God be the glory". But i really do not dare to say it among my friends.. i think i am either shy or i am just not used to it. Just like i don't say Amen in classroom. Anyway tough time produce tough beef. LOL!

Emotional times are things old as well as new. Similar dejavu of what happened 2 years ago is happening.. but then from my experience.. there is only one way out... "move on". Ok.. in case i might forget if i read this as a 80 years old half blind and totally deaf man... i will not encode too much. And for anyone who read i hope it is entertaining :)

If i were a monster. I would be a nice monster. Anyway, i have started drinking ipoh white coffee in the morning.. and i really think i like it. Somedays they run out and there are other coffee available but i only look for Ipoh white coffee. What a coffee monster i am. I thought it was really having some effects in cheering up me up and making me more energetic. Even at night i would dream of drinking coffee. LOL! But then again... i am wrong again.

There are many people who drink the same coffee but got different effects.. some get more energetic, some get tired, some get hooked. I am really curious which category i fall under. I would often react with caution. But then the response i get is most often positive.

Then it comes a raining day and i dropped my cup of coffee. I starts to flow away and some of it stainned my white shirt. I try to clean it off but the smell and the colour is still there. I thought i can wash it off. Anyway, i am really hurt thats the point.

Now in my dream, i only dream of spilling this coffee and seeing it flow off with the rain water. I have tried to wash the stain but the stain inside my head will never fade off completely. I think i need a small impact to knock off that section of briancells. Even then, my heart says something else. I guess i fall under the category of being hooked.

Then come a day we go to a beach. A scene suddenly flashes back 5 years ago. She started telling me of the guy they love. Well it started to hurt then... but how would she know. I think i should not be there... I Should not be there. I have been there 5 years ago with the same thing happening. And i made a wrong decision. Yes i did. Anyway whatever i do.. the ending will never be as beautiful as what you want it to be. It is like the final conclusion of the film "butterfly effect". I chose to kept quiet then.

Anyway the hardest thing in this life is to cause things to happen. It is very very obvious even to a self pronounced Asperger's like me that she actually don't need me around. Well things get better at first when i decide to write my experience down as a form of outlet to a non emotional body. Then i realised that the poison has gone too deep and this often happens to me by God's grace that i do not get involved in physical dangers like playing with knives which i think i might kill myself. Anyway... the poison is now affecting me.

Well... as that other girl once said... bla bla bla bla and bla bla bla.. and things does get better. We do not have to worry to cause things to change.. but.. perhaps someone care more very high upstairs and wants something more beautiful to happen :) Well... Allswell

2010-09-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

Keep it going

2010-09-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

I feel that many things i have seen happening i have seen it happen before and i reacted the same.

I know i need to go church tomorrow.

I know i need to be there to sit at one corner to say "Amen" then pray some prayers, and then eat lunch and go home.

:) I know when i go church tomorrow i will see many people rejoicing and meeting each other with happy greetings! "Hey! Hows you been doing!"
"Hey long time no see!"

It must happen at least to the best that i can imagine.
It will be a really nice meet up to hear God's words and worship whole heartedly.
It will be great to cheer each other up and ask about the happenings in life.
It will be great to hear testimonies about God working in our lives.

It is easy to be around happy people. And it is tough when you are sad and people don't like to be around you.

It is hard to restrict the things i want to say.

When you really think that no one understand you. You are wrong... they understand you but in the way that they understand you if you were them.
When you really think that no one cares for you. You are wrong... Everyone cares for you as much as you care for them.
When you really think that no one likes you. You are wrong... Everyone loves you as much as they can express in their own ways.
When you really think that no one cares to ask how you are. You are wrong... Everyone wants to know how tragic your life has been so they will feel happier. Joking.
When you really think that everyone is ignoring you. You are wrong... that is a wall not a person.

I am a happy man now well rested from church. Tomorrow i am going to Church again! And perhaps the next injection of depression will send me away for good. Not to other churches but to a convert.

And certainly, it is inevitable and nothing can be done and no one will ask why and i will have no reason why.

Blisters

2010-09-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

learning my four mallet grip i think it is called steven's griP.
Time to buy a glove. It is basically painful.
I m tired.
I drink Coffee.
Brooke is a Coffee monster!
Brooke is a monkey!
Brooke is a 5 years old baby!
Brooke is a Drumhead!

I am a little crazy on somedays.

hypnotising

2010-08-24T09:35:00.001-07:00

Harp music = good sleep
Opera = *faints

I miss u.

But the pressure. Excuses i give.

Should i go back... i get phone calls to expect a burden coming my way...
old bills old taxes old accounts. Fear to pick up.

God i need u.
Should i go back?
But i do not find you.
I try to seek you,
but still i do not find you.

Hello! hello! hello hello! it is an empty street with no signboards, i m lost and cold. The atmosphere is chilly. hello.....)))))))))

maybe i didn't worry but i did.. every moment, i ponder the possibility of returning... i shudder. With every passing week, every passing service.
Guilt is born, faith is killed... perhaps a few friends will do good.. perhaps i am not a good friend myself.

Perhaps i m forgottened which i do not doubt so.. regarding the matters of doing the church. Rules, laws.. love?
Perhaps it was better without me.. hush... silence.
Perhaps all hopes of my return might have been lost, so why bother. Y bother.
And yes, my faith can't be built with too much worries...

:)

A smile cleans all bad memories away.

No wonder my memory is getting worse.. :)

hush.
hush.

hush.

shhh.

School

2010-08-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

Summarised.
Practice, practice, practice, practice
Read, read, read, read
eat, eat, eat,
sleep.

D011/1807010

2010-07-17T22:06:00.000-07:00

Time: 12pm - 1pm
Dtime: around 11am

Events:
2 series of body paralysis, with 2 sucessful wakefulness.

Questions answered:
1. During body prarlysis the scene is not parallel with reality. It is an imagination.
2. Though it is not parallel, it is similiar. Mostly formed by LTM and also by audio input.
3. Ability to explore the scene merely by touch, then by sound, then by sight. Touch-sound-sight.
4. Dtime is actually clicking a little faster. Estimation of 110bpm.(Oh!!!! That explains WHY IT FEELS LONGER!!!)
5. Images of subject in the mirror has no expression, if not it will be faceless. Suspects that this has to do with the fact that there is a mechanism to protect our ability to distinguish between two worlds.

Events:
Woke up when my granddad trying to wake me up physically. Then i realised i am still asleep. Tats my first chance to explore the FAQs. FAQs by me actually. If it is an imagined scene there seems to be too much order to it.. i almost thought it is real. Princess nora on television? What is that ancient show? Mirror reflects a faceless me. Not scary but.. strange. No one can see me.
Then i was really woken up by grandma for lunch. But i thought 5 more minutes could be spared. Then here comes the 2nd chance, Qn: Can i practice drums? Yes.. i feel my way cautiously from the ride, to the drum throne then to the sticks. Got sound? Yes! Action was smooth. Then i could see myself in a mirror just infront of me. Practice.. yes, i did practice a section of my routine. It seems too real and i thought what would happen if my grandparents could hear drumming while i am actually on my bed? So i decided to throw all the cymbals on the floor creating a havoc. All these questions are answered when i decided to wake up.

SUBSTANDARD!

2010-07-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

AM I?
SUBSTANDARD?
I AM SUBSTANDARD!
OH NO!!!!

I NEVER DID REALISE AFTER SO LONG THAT I AM ACTUALLY SUBSTANDARD!

IT IS ALL OVER NOW. I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO END UP AS SUBSTANDARD!

I WILL WATCH MY LIFE FALL.

I CANT BELIEVE IT IS OVER,
I'LL WATCH THE WHOLE THING FALL.

WHERE ARE YOU HARRY?
PERHAPS YOU COULD CARRY ON FROM HERE.
I AM SORRY I LEFT A MESS.

Staying strong

2010-07-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i will just sit at one corner and stretch a red rubberband.

Stretch... release...

Stretch... release...

Stretch stretch and it comes back again.

And at other times i will watch as the birdies come into my grandma's house to
steal food.

And other times i will watch the fan spin.

And i realise one thing.

All these things are wires gone astray and short circuit.

School

2010-07-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

Starts,
The feeling of a new school is always the same.
Excitement.
Fear.
Lost.
Hopeful.
Even the people seems to be the same!
I was thinking, God, are you trying to tell me something from the group that i need to work with?
I seem to have stepped into another faculty with the same group of people that i met years ago. Feels so familiar. But friendlier of course.

Many students will complain about stress... So why not me?
Work piling u, perc ensemble, mallet sight reading, snare technique, nus wind band, my funk band, chinese band, working as teacher.

To simplify. Too many things too little time.

Well, i am glad my attitude changed. Last time i am really contented with a pass. Now i am going to aim for perfection, which i know is hard(not impossible) to achieve.

And Church, i have been dreaming about it every night. 10 out of 10 nights.
Pastor sarah helping the poor elderlies in my neighbourhood. Problems unspeakable, attitudes unthinkable. All those dreams sum up to one theme,

Change.

Perhaps one more sub theme,

Speak up.

LOL!
Overall experience with school is 11/10.
I blend in well like an o level graduate LOL! Not really. But my wits seems like one, perhaps even inferior to one. LOL! Y degrade yourself?!
Substandard. Tat really hurts.
Perhaps i need to work on my self esteem and i need some time to reflect whether i am looking at myself the way i am made to be, or lesser than what God made me to be.
Perhaps God will be sad to see a creation not satisfied with the potter's perfect plan. Perhaps the clay is really just spinning on the spin table, untouched and perhaps resembles !!!!a piece of shit!!!!
Who knows perhaps the potter is smashing the clay to recreate something weird.

JX!!! Hahaha!
You never say anything positive do you! LOL!!
I really am amused by your words! Brilliant! JX! Brilliant!
It is really fun to see you speak to me after being dormant for a while. Welcome back! Have fun in school!
And remember our agreement.

Salsa

2010-07-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

bom pabom... bompa... ... pabom.. bompa... tok tok tok.. Rrrrtatata..pish

I love this couple :)

2010-07-11T09:23:00.001-07:00

People

2010-07-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

People are hard to handle.
I will never get it..
I will never understand the reason to those thoughts..
But i know it does not matter..

I have seen great things happen before my eyes and i can't deny it is great!

Doubts will always cling on to those who will fear the unknown.

Fear manifest itself in our emotions, actions and tots. Most commonly in the form of nothingness.
Perhaps uneasy silence.

Now i see through it all and i will not pretend that i will know it all(in fact i do not perfectly know everything) , but at least i know much more. Yet the reverse will occur. Confidence which stems from the root of nothingness has dissolved.

The facade that has been removed is replaced by another facade that is even more cunning.

Deceit. LOL!
HAHAHA!!!
A GREAT ACT OF DECEIT that requires a life long commitment.

Perhaps even to the grave. HAHAHA!

Lastly i would like to challenge you with these words.
"The greatest entrophy is elegantly simple"

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Sad movies

2010-07-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

There it goes again, another sad movie.

WFD

2010-07-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

What is WFD?

WFD stands for World Fastest Drummer!

Since the age of 16 i have been fascinated with speed. Fast!
But i don't like fast food though.
So i have been dreaming i will have a chance to meet the WFD one day.
Or even win in a WFD competition.
It is a sick dream though. But well i think there are much to anticipate from this.
unless i hit 1300... i can continue dreaming on.

Authentic

2010-06-30T08:29:00.001-07:00

I love this old song.. Don't hear it at 3am though.

Craze

2010-06-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

Aural exam?! How am i going to hear those things ting ting ting?
I think...
If i did badly, i will be in a simple class and i can improve later.
If i do something now i might be in a good class and deprove later.
If i do something now and continue doing something i might be able to stay good for the rest of my life.

And music history!
I felt as if a dead fall just collapse on me. A Giant one, 1000 years old dead fall.
I think...
If i let myself bleed in my fatalistic(thanks elim) thought, "nothing can be done" then i will die in this fatal crush brought about by fate on this staunch fatalist.
If i just take some time to memorise them.. i might be a good student.
If i am diligent enough to memorise them and review them and then do extra readings and research i might turn out to be the best student i can ever be.

If i were a fish, I wish i have no brains.
Since i am not a fish still i wish i have no brains.
Since i have brains i wish i have good brains.
Since i am a modern human with brains, i will use every corner of it no matter how big is my brian.
Perhaps it is as big as a swimming pool.. but the substance could be a mere half full 75ml can.
Again, I i ever wish i were a fish, i will go swimming.

Time to do spring cleaning

2010-06-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

It is never too late to throw away.
But it is too late that it has to be thrown away.
Unless it is good.

Never tired of watching this.

2010-06-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

I have been watching this many times now.
Not getting bored but so nice!

Gospel chops!

2010-06-15T10:01:00.001-07:00

Oh man. These things makes me wanna play drums 1am at night.
1 word!

INSPIRING!

2nd consciousness

2010-06-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

Today i had a 2nd chance to experience a conscious state in my dream.
I was walking on no idea what street was it.. then i just told myself "i am dreaming".
And there it happens again, an enlightenment as if someone had removed a blindfold. Too simple to be convincing, but it happened! LOL!

Here is my chance again!

Well, my intention as planned 2 days ago was to visit "someone" to have a nice chat.
I quicken up my pace on the streets and wanted to go take a bus.. then i realised.. i am actually not in the same world as i thought i am. That person don't exist here.

Feeling so lost i wanted to start my 2nd plan to dive into the sea and touch every fish.
Sadly.. it was a very strange city.. there was no water nearby, the people were all very young too.. i don't see any old people. The main thing is.. no sea! What a nightmare!

It is then when i feel the struggle to stay asleep. The noise from my table fan is starting to wake me up. My real senses are being aroused and my virtual senses fade away. Then still with my eyes closed, i felt myself lying on the bed again. Really sad.

Now i realised my intentions are limited to the things that exist in that scene.
So, the next time i get the chance, i will ask the people a question. Where am i?
And when i wake up i am going to compare it with reality, I am sure there are some parallels.

My english is getting Aloysius.. LOL. But it is this strange happenings that i wanna record down as accurately as i can.. really hope i can have a neuro-video camera.

Eureka! What's inside!

2010-06-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

I was pondering upon my inability to socialize well. Doing research to find solutions. Perhaps a prayer will help. Then i realised the peace and revitalising presence by being alone.

Thats the point behind being an introvert. An introvert growing even more introvert!

It is just a joy watching the sunset with a personified object whatever it is. Surprised that it might even respond.

It all happened during these few months! The conditions were as such. My language ability was invaded my -- ... -.- ... . -.-. --- -.. . and perhaps some yut yu and the need to commit everything inside my head.

Whatever happened i never realised that i am withdrawing from the external. Instead i was pulled subconsciously into whats inside. Or to simplify.. I AM THINKING TOO MUCH USELESS THINGS!

Yesterday was not a waste. It was perhaps the moment when i could recollect and slowly reflect on what was going wrong with me. In fact nothing was wrong.

The conversation topics differ drastically. Teenage days, Old photos, food, sardine, mackerel?, Max, Faith, Guard duty, Chicken mayo sandwich?, Slide, poor service, jelly beans, paper money? chill, peppermint tea, "Are you memorising the menu again?!", no, spicy beef soup, spicy lotus root, $5 to play that thing, rotating flower?, dropping knife, gravity don't work sideways LOL, accidents?, liquor choco, Turkish delight chocolate bar, chop you up, 3 years old? bleeding finger, pen poke eyes!, dislocated right elbow!, stitches on ends of eyebrows, details too gross i do not want to reproduce, small cup, Is this garlic chilli?, guard duty over exhaustion till high, World cup, Korea, dream of stroke?, dreams of murder, snipers, mother dying, arm size syringes, horse vet, midnight movies LOL, pimple over night but not pimple, face cream, out going out for a run...

Recollections of my thoughts does not include any conscious ability to comment on any of these. Whereas i did recall thoughts about some topics discussed, the highlights include my fully conscious dreaming experience! Sharlene took some Polo sweets, Charmaine's favourite. too bad. Buying a box of after 8 for june 21. Have not bought yk the PVC tube. On top of these some questions about 5.80 Ti-Rum-misu? I thought the real spelling was Tiramisu. Oh man, how awfully tasting was my own tiramisu. Can't blame it when i have not eaten tiramisu b4. Much unrelated thoughts, how long am i going to train up my left leg, just playing along to the music in Macs, all of which i do not recognise. Why does Mac Mayo contain permitted colourings? Is mayo not naturally white? When am i going to learnt the songs i am going to play later tonight? Student's make up schedule.. my holiday is gone. Does human's consciousness differ in degrees? If so mine will be 50/50. How's vanessa, how's Charmaine? I should try to keep in touch soon. How should i practice my guitar if i left it at elim's house? Maybe i can just use classical guitar. If i tap a morse code could anyone hear?! LOL! Well, who can i talk about Glennis?

The conclusion? I need to vocalise my thoughts and not to seek from my limited pool of info inside me. Perhaps I might get curious stares but that does not mean i am strange just that i am not understood. So i can put it in simplier terms that perhaps some solutions or comments might be constructive. Well, to begin with i need to be sensitive to how i discuss my thought, if not i might be mistaken as out of my mind, which i really am?! Nevermind that, surely there are ways to comment.

e.g. You may recollect the scenes. courtesy of my haunting thoughts.
S: We are taking 858 right?
Y: No no no we are taking 969.(What she meant was 8+1, 5+1, 8+1)
S: Huh? What is she talking about?
E: Oh yes 969 goes to Tampanies.
J: silence...
And this is when i start to see creative improvistion on a given idea, which i suddenly thought of jazz improvistion, on the extent which intangible ideas can be made known by sounds. And how i want to understand them, but first i need to build up this vocabulary of jazz standards and also season my ears to the reactions of musicians given a certain "question". Perhaps it might work perhaps it might not work.
What do you think?

Now,

2010-06-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

There are things happening physiologically that i might be finding hard to cope.

I have been there but i am just not half of what i use to feel.
A feeling that i have left part of myself in another world yet to be awakened.

I am growing so strange that i can't even explain. All i can assure with words that i don't even know i am certain.. i am ok.

Just the thought itself is scary. If anyone feel strange being around me.. don't worry, it is my problem. Even i feel strange just knowing that i am in existence. I should seek some counselling from my pastor. Perhaps i am too into the "I" that the whole world seems oblivious to me.

I realised i was too quiet when i went out with Sharlene, Edmund and Yee Kei. But, seriously nothing was in my head. No comments that i can offer. No topics that i can discuss. No feelings that i want to share. Empty. Perhaps i was a little saddened by being thin.

Perhaps i can eat much more. Hungry. Perhaps i am psychologically unstable right now.

Mind blowing!

2010-06-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

This is definitly a new experience! I was dreaming and walking on the streets then i realised i am dreaming!!!

It all started when i threw a big tantrum in Elim's house when Yee Kei was playing with a perfume and it caught fire and she passed it to me to settle while everone just ignore me. I threw it downstairs and decided to leave that place. Then when i was taking the lift! Guess what i saw?

I saw a negro on a bike. And i said hi. Then i realised.. " I am taking a lift.. then there is a negro on a bike going into the lift?!" Where in the world does this take place?!
BEHOLD! This is when i became conscious! I am dreaming!

I started touching my skin.. It all feels so real.. And it was raining.. And i touched the rain.. It all felt so real.. dreams are actually so REAL!

Out of curiosity i started bumping into people and yes they realise my presence too!
And to test the limit when i held a young lady's hand, and yes it did felt like a young lady's hand, smooth like she had put tonnes of moisturizer. She was puzzelled then. Well it was understandable.

Before i could announce to everyone i am awake in my dream! I woke up!

Is this common?! No, this is not common to me.

The next moment this negro come up to me.. i am going to plan for a big event.
I am going to swim into the sea and touch every fish before i wake up.
I am going to ride a unicorn and jump off the unicorn!
I am going to gather a random group of friends from the streets and know them by name and i am going to come back to know them again just like the way i leave them.
I am going to visit a dear friend and have a nice chat which is not possible in reality.

What important things can you suggest to someone with the ability to have intentions in a dream?

Depression cycles

2010-06-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is due to low self esteem. Maybe it is due to recurring negative thoughts. But whatever it may be, the feeling is an exponential dive to the deepest pit.

Perhaps to reflect in prevention of depression cycles.
The conditions if i never reproduce them then i can avoid them.

Very often it will happen:
1) AFTER a spur of confidence in my ability. A confidence that can bring me running across desert marathons right NOW!

2) AFTER a social gathering.

3) AFTER a short period of isolation.

I have yet to find any solution to prevent it.
And in such situation it is not a time to do it. It is not a time for anything at all.
It is not even a time to sleep. It is a time for restlessness.

I am actually a useless bump no matter how much i tell myself NOT to say that.
Actually if i were introduced to a beggar right now, i would see more meaning why he or she should Carry on living and not me.
And the ability to bring yourself right now to reflect, given this smashed self confidence is a miracle!

Give me 10 quality reasons you are a useless.
OK, i am sad and i am sad and i am so sad that i think i will make "you" so sad if a happier me is reading this again.
Where have the JOY of simply existing vanished to?
My existence really does not bring joy. Not to me or to anyone that wants to be around me if there is any.
Ok, now i see a simple thing. Social life. Lack of confidence when among people. Not matter young or old many or few.

What cause this? I am just unable to bring myself to not feel uneasy when people are around me. Y?

Please stop this. Think of the deepest reason that runs in your mind. I am not letting you go today unless you answer the last WHY that is the root of this problem.

Why don't you like yourself?
Because i don't have anything to give anyone that i meet. I cannot be of any help or even of any joy to be around.

mm.. Why do you want to give?
Because i want to see everyone happy. I do not want anyone to feel left out or anything. But then i also do not want to be a burden when my presence is not necessary.

Is there a time when you felt you have to be there?
I have to teach drums.. and i am an educator, i have to be there to filfill this responsibility.
I will even take a taxi down in order not to be late for a second.

Is there a moment when you think you think too much?
NOW!

When is your happiest moment?
YES! This is the moment when you take over me. And i disappear altogether.

I am here right now. When i see you so sad i know i am just resting to be unleashed.

But Why can't you just look inside yourself and recall all those memories when your neurones were less complicated and those nerves that fire are the happy ones? What have evolved in you this cycle to repeatedly fire depressing thoughts about you?

So what can i do? I can't make myself stop thinking. It is a conscious natural process. More natural than breathing.

Draw yourself to think good thoughts. Occupy yourself with good thought that either improves efficiency of thought or rewiring of network.

Whoever ask you to think so much?
You are distracting me and asking me so many questions that i can't stop a single second not to answer you. My biggest problem is the realisation of your existence, so real that it is not just a mirror reflection. You are always so strangely related to me more than an image of myself but a silhouette with the ability to communicate another string of thoughts.

The final question is my existence. Do you really think these thoughts clearly define me, or is it you?
You. Certainly it is you who have been so silent around me that i can't stay away from you.
Stay away!

Delay

2010-06-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hypercreative brain - nonsense
As a bookworm i borrowed a book about hyper creative brain. It is nonsense, defining hyper creative people as a group of people with a psychological disorder where they have too many ideas beaming but never getting them done. But such ppl does exist and i call them lazy ppl.
And i am one of them.. i will have a sudden surge of ideas, then while i test it out, another idea comes. This cause me to start too many projects but in the end everything die prematurely.

The problem is a lack of focus and practicality.

..` .- -- ` ... --- ` ... - .-. .- -. --. . `

But, this is not the end of the story, what caught my attention was the idea of repetitive work. I thought everyone hate repetitive work. e.g, DATA ENTRY. But from the book i realised that, not many people will die doing it.. but there are a rare few who will kill themselves if they were given that job.

Finally my species are talking.

It relate so much to me and the book really point everything about me out in explicit details. I almost wonder why it did not find its way to top sellers if it were so enticing. But i do realise that it is not something anyone will enjoy.

How much more will a muscle dystrophic patient Read more about his condition than a healthy individual? So i guess this book does speak sense. With emotional highs and lows(depression). I sometimes wonder why i never see such thing happening in my friends, at least not that often. But i also do not want to be depressed, i just became depressed just like chameleon changes colour.

..` -- .. ... ... ` .--- ..- -. . ` ..--- .----`

So what am i going to do about it?
I know i need to kill the urge to embark on new journeys before i even complete the existing one. And i need God to put joy in my heart. But strangely i know when i am very happy today.. it is very likely that i will have a depression attack in the days to follow. Unless i stay around happy people.

. ...- . .-. -.-- --- -. . ` .. ... ` --. .-. --- .-- .. -. --. ` --- .-.. -.. `

It is very obvious that smile are disappearing among my peers. Age does brings wisdom and perhaps an understanding that does not arouse humour.
However, the pattern is obvious. When i find myself back to a certain memory state that involves certain people, my way of conduct will steer back time to the moments of the first years when we met. But it is not true if i try to control it by will. Things have seen drastic changes and i have been a bystander of all these scenes. Perhaps an audience standing among all the casts and crews. An introvet with no intention of participating in the world.

- .... .. ...` .. ... ` -- . `

I had a really cool experience today, perhaps it is a premonition to a scary evolution of mankind. Selfish and uncaring.
I was walking in the shopping mall to realise that actually i am dreaming a dream. No one knows me, and even if they did, they will not know that they actually have seen me if i just wake up from this dream.
In this mindset, it is very scary because i could jolly well had murdered someone and sentence myself to death but still thinking that it is a dream in the making. What am i thinking?
But, this feeling of being in the crowd but as the only conscious bystander is really strange... Just like being the only human to be able to tell lies when all that human can think of is the truth.

morphing.

I can fly to the moon if i were a moonfly.
Tell you, Tagalog is what i want to embark on but i think all these reflections sent a message otherwise.
Sleep.

Social Isolation

2010-05-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Jude(pastor would not want to hear that),
I am afraid i am turning eccentric from these memories i am accumulating.
Scary memories of social isolation.

I had 2 gatherings this week.
2 scary ones which i wished i wasn't present.
I have come to realise of my diminished ability to socialise in any group get-togethers.
Ever diminishing. And eventually disappearing like a jelly fish.

This is a sign of poor critical thinking skills.
But i can't help it, i just can't seem to bother much about ppl.
Perhaps there is a relationship between memory and critical thinking.
Perhaps when i spend more time with myself, my mind shuts off from the presence of others.
Now even close friends seems like strangers.

How linking colours to months, a janurary red and Purple June. And dirty green april with a dark green belt. I certainly would not comment it that way to accentuate my (indeed messed up) queer brain. And spanish alphabets filling my head with sounds, terrible rotting fish that got on to 54.

Strange 12 ways of prayer in a Religious like circle on a piece of chinese filled paper.
260 + 15.
Rubbish cluttered brain that does no help at all in understanding humans.Yet indeed virtually created another sad case of Asperger's Syndrome "symptomed" guy on planet Earth! If there was a choice, i would rather recreate another Down's syndrome with extra 23. LOL. And i know i will be gladly laughing at my own joke, which is a random guess with probability as high as 0.99.

(scary scary... i often walk away thinking, i am coming back. My memories are coming back. Those scary ones that i thought i could throw behind my life. It is like those times in secondary schools and primary schools. Simple jokes that does no appeal. Concerns that does not really matter. And indeed those are the people i did avoid in the first place. And they did joyfully avoid me. But not now, it can't happen now! These ppl share a part of my life.)

Improved memories of scenes without words, emotions without speech. Names are leaving my head, emotions are flooding, self confidence totally wrecked with each recollection of childhood scenes.

No! If it happens for Jude. "Build yourself up in the most holy faith."
If i can remember a list of 100 elements off my head, if i can forget the name "Edmund", if i can remember the rubbish information that i want to remember. I certainly would not want to remember any minute of my life in this ackward moment of extreme painful recollections.

Feeling totally defeated, i thought i could throw all these memories away by watching a movie - Robin Hood.

(But i really hoped they had a great birthday lunch. I was really afraid i might be spoiling it with my presence. Feeling so sorry that i was around.)

So i bought a ticket at 6pm, still shaking from the side effects of repression.
Repression of those memories is a good thing since it tells me that, "Hey you had a life around cool ppl."
Strangely enough, i saw Jun Jian.
I admire his ability to recall bus guides. With all the bus no. and routes at his fingertips.
I was even more surprised to know that we were actually watching the same movie at the same time.

Well then i had a few arcade coins, 7 to be specific. And me kun jian and Jing Chong went to shoot some balls. It wasn't that fun, but strangely playing with them just brings back another set of memories where my queerness found a place.
They are indeed a fun loving lot who accepted me for who i am, a strange young boy at 14 who read physics text book while shopping with them. Cycle in the rain, broke into sunset rise? Things that would bring strange stares just don't seem that strange to them, although some things still does.
Those are the memories i would use to pile on the bad memories.

Can i be more self reliant and emotionally stable?
It all depends on my ability to kill those neurones that causes emotional discomfort(morael killers). And it will be accomplished only if i stop firing signals to these bad memories, and of course the source of such bad memories is obviously the giant "social isolation!".

Memory technique for JX only.

2010-05-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

It either complicates things of makes it solid.
To me it does a little bit of complication but a giant chunk of solidification.

This is a way suited only for Jiaxing.. You! If you are reading it after a serious brain damage but still remembering the fact that you are Jiaxing.
Learn this technique that works a great deal for your brain and you will come back.

Level 1
Ok. You play drums! Quite well.
Learn each drum part by heart.
(Visualise!!!)
0 = ride cymbal
1 = hi tom
2 = mid tom
3 = floor tom
4 = splash
5 = Bass drum
6 = Left crash(Zildjian A custom)
7 = hi hat
8 = snare drum
9 = Right crash (Zildjian K)

Those are your single digits.ok! 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.

Here are your 10s. 10, 20, 30, 40 ,50 ,60, 70, 80, 90,
There are 3 rooms.
In Room 1 = 2 drumsets. (10 and 20)
In Room 2 = 2 drumsets. (30 and 40)
In Room 3 = 3 drumsets. (50 to 70)
In odiocrib studio where you play with your band = 1 drumset (80)
In your home you have 1 drumset (90)

Start training:
If you want to remember 9things.
1) Think of a subject. E.g. You.
2) Go to no.1 (hi tom) and attach an association of the 1st thing.
3) Carry on.. till the last 9..You will end at right crash.
4) By now you should only have 1 subject with 1 intention linked to 9 things that flows in a story link sequence.
5) Recall the sequence after 1min. After 1 hour. After 1day.
6) Congratulations you have it there forever.

Level 2
By now you should have all your 10 drumsets filled with things.
Now learn 10 actions and 10 intentions.
Action: 0=stand, 1=see or hear, 2=eat or taste, 3=talk, 4=touch, 5=give, 6=take, 7=walk, 8=run, 9 =kick
Intentions: 0=funny, 1=help, 2=sacrifice, 3=heal, 4=praise, 5=love, 6=steal, 7=destroy/kill, 8=insult 9=escape

This is how you apply. This technique is for remembering 4 numbers.
Subject - Action - Intention - Object.
E.g. Shaun = 3455.
In your head.. Shaun came your house and Spoke(3talk) "Wow beautiful(4praise) Oscar(55object)" 3455
Of course you will not be able to remember this nonsense.
Remember the emotions attached and recreate a HD movie in your undamaged visual nerves(if it is undamaged).
If your visual nerves are damaged. Sadly, just draw.. i doub't you will be able to read this too. You happen to draw quite well too.

Level 3
You always wonder why girls shop so much, well there was a day when you stop to wonder after seeing the vast array of women apparels. No Wonder! LOL!
Ok.. Now you are going to use this Women's wardrobe power to help you remember dates.
First lets set the colours.
Jan=Red, Feb=Orange, March=Yellow, April=Green, May=blue, June=Purple, July=Pink, August=brown, September=Gold, October=Silver, November=White, December=Black.

Lets set the dates
1=plain silk skirt, 2=shorts, 3=pleated skirt, 4=skirt x 2(e.g. Windbreaker wrapped around the waiste) 5=shorts x 2 6=pleated skirt x 2 7=khakis 8=skinny jeans 9=long pants
When you have 10s. That means there is only one piece of Shirt/dress.
When you have 20s = 2 piece.
When you have 30s = 3 piece.
The month is determined by the colour of the outer most Shirt/jacket.
And that does not mean when it is 01, she does not wear any shirt.
01 = Plain skirt but the end of the shirt does not meet the skirt.
Lets try
There are 5 examples here.
1) Grey is also sliver to me. So this is October 29.
2) This is November 11.
3) Ignore the white patterns. Grey again. October 29.
4) The gold scarf is outermost. September 29
5) December 21.

Now for the year. It will come back to using the subject-action-intention 4444 numbers technique.

And before you think you are ready to go try it out.
Time: there are 12 numbers for time.. So each represent the same colour as your model's clothes.
However, night 6pm to 5am will be covered shoes and day 6am to 5pm will be otherwise.

All the best and stay alive no matter what may come.

Strangeness

2010-05-13T07:52:00.001-07:00

The hardest part of the previous 40-79 elements was to remember the spelling of the names.
However it was really fun.

I like the one.. Tell u r... Which gives me: Tell U R ium. LOL!
That is no. 52.
And even stranger one is Anti Money.. without the e: Anti-mony
That is no. 51.

I realise it must occur to me in a way that makes sense for me to remember. If it does not make sense, i can't remember. And the location where i place it is important too.

Chemicals 40 to 79

2010-05-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

After remembering 39 elements, i tried to reach 79.
Which is helpful as i reach the 99 mark.. it will then help me to remember numbers with more details.

Let me try the recall.
Al Jurreau
40Zr Zirconium 41Nb Niobium 42Mo Molybdenium 43Tc Technetium 44Ru Ruthenium 45Rh Rhodium
46Pd Pallidium 47Ag Silver 48Cd Cadmium 49In Indium

Thomas Lang
50Sn Tin 51Sb Antimony 52Te Tellurium 53I Iodine 54Xe Xenon 55Cs Caesium 56Ba Barium
57La Lanthanum 58Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium

Pei Qi
60Nd Neodymium 61Pm Promethium 62Sm Samarium 63Eu Europium 64Gd Gadolinium 65Tb Terbium
66Dy Dysprosium 67Ho Holmium 68Er Erbium 69Tm Thulium

James
70Yb Ytterbium 71Lu Lutetium 72Hf Hafnium 73Ta Tantalum 74W Tungsten 75Re Rhenium
76Os Osmium 77Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinium 79Au Gold

Numbers. MOF,

2010-05-11T06:23:00.000-07:00

I was pondering of a method to apply in remembering long chains of nos.
For hp nos. I break it into 4 by 4.
However, it does takes up a little too much time which i do not know if practice will
speed it up or will practice just makes me more confused.
I tried with the MOF food list since it goes by no. And i am forever hungry.

First 2 pages are Salad and the next 2 pages are Sandwiches.
LOL! Yummy.
Salad by Jojo(2), in room 1 set 1(2,3,5,8,9) and set 2 (0-5)
Sandwiches by Me(9) and Vir(0) in room 1 set 1(2-9) and room 2 set 1(0)

202 Salmon Salad
203 Salmon Sashimi Salad
205 Unagi Salad
208 Toufu Avocado Salad
209 Potato Salad

210 Egg Mayo Salad
211 Tonkatsu Salmon Salad
212 Salmon Wasabi Salad
213 Kani Mayo Salad
214 Kani Ebikko Salad
215 Tuna Mayo Salad
If add (S) means 1 pax share.

Sandwiches
9012 Egg Wasabi
9013 Egg Salmon
9014 Tonkatsu Salmon
9015 Salmon Wasabi
9016 Unagi
9017 Kani Mayo
9018 Kani Ebikko
9019 Tuna Mayo

9020 Egg

And 10 hp numbers. Which is confidential.

Today i was stressed out and it did affect the ability to recall as well as the motivation to create.

But at least it is a success that intangible numbers could be remembered tangibly.

New Testament 27 books

2010-05-10T08:30:00.001-07:00

Room 3
Seow Fong, Ah Loi, Kenny.

Room 3
Seow Fong set 1
40Matthew 41Mark 42Luke 43John 44Acts 45Romans 46 1Corinthians 47 2Corinthians
48Galatians 49Philippians

Ah Loi set 2
50Ephesians 51Colossians 52 1 Thessalonians 53 2 Thessalonians 54 1 Timothy
55 2 Timothy 56 Titus 57Philemon 58Hebrew 59James

Kenny set 3
60 1Peter 61 2Peter 62 1John 63 2John 64 3John 65 Jude 66 Revelations

Books from Old testament Room1 Room2

2010-05-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

After believing the effect of committing 39 elements to my head for easy retrieval,
I have decided to do the same to the 39 books of old testament.

Room 1 Elim set 1 Yee Kei set 2
Room 2 PS Lau set 1 PS Sarah set 2

Here it goes, the 4th time i repeat from my head, hope all goes well. (>.< Pray!)

Room 1 Elim set 1
1Genesis, 2Exodus, 3Leviticus, 4Numbers, 5Deuteronomy, 6Joshua, 7Judges, 8Ruth,
9 1Samuel

Room 1 Yee Kei set 2
10 2 Samuel 11 1Kings 12 2Kings 13 1Chronicles 14 2 Chronicles 15Ezra 16Nehemiah
17Ester 18Job 19Psalms

Room 2 Pastor Lau set 1
20Proverbs 21Ecclesiastes 22Song of Songs 23Isaiah 24Jeremiah 25Lamentations
26Ezekiel 27Daniel 28Hosea 29Joel

Room 2 Pastor Sarah set 2
30Amos 31Obadiah 32Jonah 33Micah 34Nahum 35Habakkuk 36Zephaniah 37Haggai 38Zechariah
39Malachi

There it stays.
I need diligent revision in order to keep it there forever.

Utilise Room1 and Room2

2010-05-09T04:00:00.000-07:00

Vir, Vinnie, Jojo and Buddy.

Revision 4:
Atomic mass to element.
Vir:
1H Hydrogen 2He Helium 3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O oxygen 9F Fluorine
Vinnie:
10Ne Neon 11Na Sodium 12Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminium 14Si Silicon 15P Phosphorus 16S Sulphur 17Cl Chlorine 18Ar Argon 19K Potassium
Jojo:
20Ca Calcium 21Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23Va Vanadium 24Cr Chromium 25Mn Manganese
26Fe Iron 27Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper
Buddy:
30Zn Zinc 31Ga Gallium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34Se Selenium 35Br Bromine
36Kr Krypton 37Rubidium 38Sr Strontium 39Y YTTRIUM!

39 elements, there it stays.

A few sets on display

2010-05-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

Put these in the room 3, 2, 1 where i work very often.

147 bus seats 53.

2010-05-08T07:24:00.001-07:00

I was Thinking, Perhaps it is good to know how many people are around me.
Well, my common spot on the upper deck of bus 147.
I remembered counting 51 seats. But then when i counted again on bus 25, i counted 53 seats.

Bus 165, lower deck is a little harder to count.
But i started with the 5pairs of seats around me.
It was the first time i try to take note of ppl around my seats.
The bookshop pretty auntie, a tall built gentleman in green stripped shirt and jeans, 2 malay guys in dark blue, a purple lady, a dark brown auntie, a Yellow plumb working adult lady, white sleeveless lady, a middle age house wife, me, then a guy playing psp beside me.

Maybe the people standing matters too, a tall man with head touching ceiling, a plumb malay guy, thin indian man, a young couple, 2 black man again.

Room 3

2010-05-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

I started to use Room 3 to put my first exercise.

Ok. 3 drumsets used. Al Jurreau, Thomas Lang, Pei Qi.

With meridian drums, pilot Al Jurreau
1.Alpha
2.Bravo
3.Charlie
4.Delta
5.Echo
6.Foxtrot
7.Golf
8.Hotel
9.India
10.Juliet

With the black QR with Dw pedal, Thomas Lang
11.Kilo
12.Lima
13.Mike
14.November
15.Oscar
16.Papa
17.Quebec
18.Romeo
19.Sierra
20.Tango

With the last Blue set, Pei Qi,one of the student
21.Uniform
22.Victor
23.Whiskey
24.X ray
25.Yankee
26.Zulu

There it stays.

Set A

2010-05-06T19:30:00.001-07:00

Yesterday as i was teaching Shaun khui's students, Qi yan(younger sis) and Qi yu(elder) They said they were confused by some notation so i told them to see everything as set A.. and just take half of set A aside when you fill in. I am glad they see it immediately without further explanation. Then, Qi yu suddenly say,"Set A set meal, 2 half boiled eggs, kopi and 2 sllices of bread with butter!" LOL! Thats my breakfast. I say Kaya bread. Nope Qi yu say Eee, she don't like Kaya.
But the point is for them to get the idea of Set A into their head.
Learn to fly by Foo fighters was the song. I do not know how well i can memorise this piece after playing through it 4 times.
But the biggest problem was.. i missed my dinner and was feeling hungry, that i did not tell them to avoid unnecessary confusion.

If i were a butterfly, i would fly around and gather butter into my bag.
If the elephants were mine, i would teach them to electrocute any ants wearing pants.
Sponge bob? No, he is not an ant. Patrick? No he is my little brother. LOL!

1,2,3

2010-05-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.0
1 hi tom
2 mid tom
3 floor tom
4 splash
5 kick
6 left crash
7 hi hat
8 snare
9 right crash
0 ride

Entering Hg Point Kopitiam, as i sit down at the chair and take a look, i try to put the stalls in my head.

I will call it.. HOUGANG POINT KOPITIAM with 15 stalls (excluding drink and tim sum stall)
Left entrance,
Nasi Lemak, Pots and Pans, Fishing ball, Economical mixed rice, Seafood mini wok,
Main entrance,
Ruh han's indian delights, homemade noodles, Pig organ soup(congee), Lai Heng fried Kway Teow, Xin hua vegetarian, Wen Fatt(HK)Roasted, Yong Tau Fu, Chicken rice, Lee Kwang Kee.
Back exit, Tim sum, Back exit and my morning breakfast spot.

BLK 649 funeral event, Blk 946 carpark.

If intangible ideas could tug a line with tangible objects, maybe thats where it will all start to make sense.

This never seems to end

2010-05-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

This is a funny life living inside a sphere.

As usual i had a rehearsal with my friends today at Odiocrib, Waterloo street, 4th level.
Bassist Christ, Guitarist Ryan and a vocalist Ron(not fixed) And me as a drummer.
It might sound like another child play band.. well.. perhaps not. I love the way each of them delicate time to practice for their parts, so must i.
And now after 3 rehearsals, we had a repertoire.

Everyone wants to rule the world, (12/8)
Englishman in New York, (reggae)
50 ways to leave your lover, (steve gadd)
and Yugyugan Na (Jazz funk)
Generally we play Jazz funk, we had fun, thats all.

What i am thinking is the way i am using my drums.
Is this a job? Yes, it might be a job, just like any other jobs.
What is the contribution then? Our hardwork to give audience the joy while listening?

Now as i play my drums i will have sudden surge of nostalgia. Visions of playing in church in the past, somehow makes me a little teary. Because it might be from then where i started. And it might be till then where i will end.

It will not be good to keep thinking how people might think.. although it is a necessity for good social behaviour, but my job is not something everyone will classify as a job. Somethings are just grey, you can't really tell black from white.

Shivam
Well, on tuesday, i was at Shivam's house.
I love the way the black 50kg bulldog welcome me, not forgetting the quiet giant Chow chow.
Manchu is the name of that black bull dog, he is very heavy! And sometimes smelly. And when it climb the stairs it will pant very heavily. LOL!
Sometimes when Manchu just stay under the drum chair and i wanted to push him away.. he just does'nt move an inch, imagine pushing a stone. And Mauchu will look at me with those "what is happening now?" Kind of eyes. LOL!
And when i am half way through the lesson, Manchu will lie flat on its stomach with limbs outstretched. If he were to move his limbs, it would look like he is swimming on the floor. LOL! Very cute.
Now i know why people keep bull dogs. I would love one too.
AT least it will be a great comfort to know that there is someone who is lazier than i am. LOL! And dumber.(New word)
Sihvam is learning well, hope he pays more attention during lesson next time.
Sohaana seems more obedient.
They love Mr bean at 5 30 thats for sure.

And Memory training has brought me no where, i am in fact turning a little crazy from all the strange techniques. And i am yes, becoming a little more unsociable. Thats the character of a nerd. Which i am turning into one.

Am i being ungrateful?
I realised that people will be happier if we could recall the things that they have done for us. Recall and thank them again. But i do not know how many times is enough.
But there are too many people around me to please. What is the meaning of being ungrateful? Actually i do not understand.
I have been rather silent to observe human behaviours that happen around me.

The sunday incident was most strange.
Sharlene wanted to stand. And pastor lau wanted to give her seat.
I asked her to sit on the floor but i think it was'nt a good suggestion.
And then Yee kei gave her seat and sit on the floor.
My action was classified as not gentlemanly, and Yee Kei was doing it right.
And Pastor praised Yee Kei, that everyone should have this attitude.

Mm, then again, Maybe i should have been nicer by proposing nicely that there could be an option of sitting on the floor.

I will classify this under plasticity of decision.
I can Say yes and means Yes.
I can say Yes and means No,
I can say No and means Yes,
I can say No and means No.

Other than these 4, the more complex will be
When i say yes and insist yes but I meant No.

It could extent out and in summary
What we say is actually not what we actually want to say.

If this plasticity of decision did not exist, I can imagine what happen.
Sharlene will Say, " I want to sit "
I will say, " Sit on the floor! "
Since she has considered my option and it is not good, I guess she will ignore this input.
Yee kei will say " You sit on the chair, i sit on the floor!"
Notice here that Plasticity of decision does not exist and Yee Kei really means she likes to sit on the floor so things are settled.

What if Yee Kei says, "Jiaxing you stand!"
Then I will consider this option too!
If it never resolves, Sharlene will now decide and say " I will stand!"
And willingly she stands and munch munch.

I was going to Ask Yee kei why her subway had not Vege in it! LOL! IT looked really thin and funny.

Anyway possible, observe more and soon i will distinguish the tone of a Yes meaning No.

Anyway possible i will learn to be better than who i was.

Then i am about to trace back to the times when i was baby. Babies in the stomach do see things. I remember when i was in my mom's stomach, i could see Red and hear the superman theme song. I donno if it is true, maybe i should ask my mom. Or check out if there was superman in 1987 from around march to november.

Wakefulness during rapid eye movement

2010-05-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

I don't want to type this in morse code. It is a strange occurance which don't usually happen and could assist researchers in their study of sleep.

I have had a series of Wakefulness during REM, which is an occurance ever since i turned 17. I now understand that it is neither evil spirit nor mere dreaming.
It is as simple as becoming conscious while entering into REM stage of sleep.

Here is what i experience during these times.

I am unable to move(due to motor inhibitors which prevent me from sleep walking and hitting others when i dream).

I can open my eyes. When i open my eyes, i can see the room i am in, and it is always bigger than the actual room size. My vision is clear and i have perfect vision even without spectacles cuz i usually need glasses. I can turn my neck and look around.

My ears were filled with a mild motor humming at a relatively high pitch, like the feeling of sitting in a flying airplane. And also i can hear sounds that makes no sense, sometimes chatters and laughters and fluttering wings. I suspect it is a cumulation of sounds from outside my room. Some sounds makes sense to me, like when the tv is on and my grandma is talking, i can hear it too.

My touch is sensitive too. I could feel the bed and the pillows. But i cannot move.

I feel a little frightened because it is something new that i have never felt before.
I usually close my eyes after looking for 5-10 seconds. As i am afraid what might appear. There was once i saw a gloomy dark figure. But when i close my eyes, i know i am still conscious and i am still in REM state thus i hear.

Today, i had another encounter. But this time i had a little more knowledge of what was happening so i tried to really wake up during this REM stage.

This was what happened. I slept around 40 minutes and i woke up. But since i know after the first 2 stage of sleep the next stage will be REM i tricked myself to go back to sleep yet maintaining my consciousness... During this process, i close my eyes, and concentrate on staying awake while my brain subconsciously bring me to sleep, it is during this stage where i will hear blood gushing noises just like when we yawn.

I thought it was too scary an experience so i decided to wake up, naturally by opening my eyes. Then, as i open my eyes, i see shifting vision of whatever i was focusing on.. i know that my eyes are shifting really fast left to right and when it roll back upwards i will naturally close my eyes.

I was actually quite scared and i did called upon God and ask God to bring me back to normal consciousness after counting 3. But nope after counting 3, i counted another 3. And another 3. LOL. I gave up and decided to just fall asleep and then my grandpa's cough woke me up. And my eyes open again to see the same ceiling that i was staring at when i opened my eyes in REM sleep.

I have a few questions which i can't find out. Did i really opened my eyes or did i see through my eyelids?
Because, there was once when i had this experience, my brothers didn't notice anything weird about my sleep, i was just lying there asleep.

And if it were a conscious dream, i would be able to shift scenes like daydreaming, and also will it match the physical world or is it just a world in my imagination?

Perhaps it could be a time well spent by playing my drums provided i must realise that i cannot force myself to move but i can only imagine myself to move.

.-.. --- .-.. HAhahaha!

2010-04-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

.. .-.. --- ...- . - .... .. ...

2010-04-26T22:20:00.001-07:00

.-.. --- .-. -.. .. -. . . -.. -.-- --- ..-

2010-04-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

.. ` .... .- .-. . .- .-.. .. ... . -.. ` .- -. ` .. -- .--. --- .-. - .- -. - ` .--. --- .. -. - ` .. -. ` .-- --- .-. ... .... .. .--. `

` .-.-.- ` .. ..-. ` -.-- --- ..- ` .- .-. . ` .-.. --- --- -.- .. -. --. ` ..-. --- .-. ` -- ..- ... .. -.-. ` .-.. --- --- -.- `

` .. -. ` ...- .- .. -. ` .- -. -.. ` .. ` ... .... . -.. ` - . .- .-. ` --- ..-. ` .--. .- .. -. ` -... . .. -. --. ` .. -. ` - .... . `

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.- -- ` .. ` .... .- ...- .. -. --. ` - .... . ` .-- .-. --- -. --. ` .- - - .. - ..- -.. . ` - --- .-- .- .-. -.. ... ` - .... . `

` -- . .- -. .. -. --. ` --- ..-. ` .--. .-. .- .. ... . ` .- -. -.. ` .-- --- .-. ... .... .. .--. ` ..--..

-.-- . ... ` .. ` .- -- ` .-- .-. --- -. --. ` .-- . ` ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. ` .- .. -- ` ..-. --- .-. ` --. --- --- -.. `

` -- ..- ... .. -.-. ` -... ..- - ` .--- ..- ... - ` .-- --- .-. ... .... .. .--. ` -.-. ..- --.. ` .-- . ` .- .-. . ` -. . ...- . .-. `

` --. --- .. -. --. ` - --- ` -... . ` .--. .-. --- ..-. . ... ... .. --- -. .- .-.. ` .-.-.-

-- ..- ... .. -.-. ` .. ... ` -. --- - ` ... --- -- - .... .. -. --. ` -.-- --- ..- ` ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. ` . -..- .--. . -.-. - `

- --- ` -- ..- -.-. .... ` .-.-.-

- .... . ` --- -. .-.. -.-- ` - .... .. -. --. ` -.-- --- ..- ` ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. ` ..-. --- .-. .-- .- .-. -.. ` .. ... `

` .--. . .-. .... .- .--. ... ` . .- .-. -. . ... - ` .--. .-. .- -.-- . .-. ` - .... .- - ` - .... . ` ... --- -. --. ` -.. --- -. - ` --. --- ` - --- ` --- ..- - ` --- ..-. ` - ..- -. . `

.-.. --- .-. -.. ` .. ` .- -- ` ... ..- .-. . ` -.-- --- ..- ` -.- -. --- -.- ` .... --- -.- ` -- ..- -.-. .... ` .. `

.-- .- -. - ` - --- ` ... . .-. ...- . ` -.-- --- ..- ` .-- .. - .... ` -- -.-- ` -.. .-. ..- -- ... ` .. ` .-- .- -. - `

- --- ` . -..- .--. .-. . ... ... ` ... --- ` -- ..- -.-. .... ` - .... .. -. --. ... ` - .... .- - ` .. ` -.-. .- -. -. --- - `

` ... .--. . .- -.- ` .-.-.-

.--. .-.. . .- ... . ` .-.. --- .-. -.. ` .--. .-.. . .- ... . ` .-.. . - ` -- . ` .--. .-.. .- -.-- ` ..-. --- .-. ` -.-- --- ..- `

.. ` .--- ..- ... - ` .-- .- -. - ` - --- ` ..- ... . ` - .... .. ... ` --. .. ..-. - ` ... --- ` -... .- -.. .-.. -.-- ` ... --- ` ... --- ` ... --- ` ... --- ` ... --- ` -... .- -.. .-.. -.-- ` .-.. --- .-. -.. ` .-.-.-

.. -- ..- ... - -.-. --- -. ..-. . ... ...

2010-04-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

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http://www.philtulga.com/morse.html#Activities

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2010-04-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-21T00:55:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-21T00:31:00.000-07:00

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So who is she?

2010-04-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

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2010-04-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

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D009/190710

2010-04-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

I have decided to include the date for efficiency of tracking.

Mrs Samuel
Today in my dream i was suppose to attend a wedding party of my cousin,
but then i was wearing slippers and shorts.. and i rushed down trying not to run..
I realised i was very poorly dressed, and my shirt was stained, so i decided to run home to change.

I took a sbs bus, and then when i was standing at a corner, i saw an indian lady speaking in China accented english, amazing! She was talking with her daughter over the phone. Then i realised she is my Primary 6 teacher Mrs Samuel.
Some random Man in formal light bluish green shirt then approached her and asked her about secrets of teaching.
Mrs Samuel then told him about the Principles of Japanese discipline, then she spoke some japanese, and she also said it has worked on many of her students who were really successful after graduation from PSLE.
I was about thinking of my way of life, has it been a good example in her case?
I am an example of her student, I thought in my heart:" i was one of your best student Mrs Samuel."
I forgot all about the wedding, i went straight home and there were many children and i remembered i played with them.. run around the house.

There is a trend in my dreams these few days where it is all about teacher and students. I suppose it is because i am thinking about studying most of my conscious moment.
I am able to remember more things with association now and it is my goal to
1)have my memory calander schedule clearly mapped out and edited as and when i like
2)phone numbers appearing when i need them.
3)memorise one psalm a day
4)memorise one song a day
5)Run memory recall and memory formation simultaneously, consciously and also subconsciously
6)Most important, these memories must relate to an eternal time frame, God and people around me.

Memory II

2010-04-18T03:55:00.000-07:00

"Life is more than just b/w; +/-"

These are the words on kenny's zebra print shirt. LOL!

Today. My head has been surging with blood. I feel like i need to memorise many things, my head is too empty for my age. Yet, there is nothing in life worth remembering for any good when you pass away.

Perhaps the sermon will do some good.
1) Faith
2) Purity
4) Power
3) perseverence

Kenny was supposed to read Mark 7: 24-30 but he lost the page. LOL!

Pastor's testaments:
1) George Müller: Pray for food for orphanage and got bread and milk.
2) Went to hong kong and received HK and usd.. (confidential amount in case she get robbed)
3) Abraham(75 years old) waited 25years old to get Issac. I jokingly said he waited 400 years Hahaha, but i think it wasn't a good joke. Kenny got it. Jarryl asked:" How to remember!?" Cough cough cough.

Scriptures:

Mark 11:22
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.

Jude 1:20
But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit.

Luke 18:1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Roman 10:17
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. ( i read this in another version: Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God )

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Elim read this after mine)

The things that happen after that are too mundane to be of importance to me.
But still i took effort to remember them.

Don't take notes anymore pls, Just take a little more effort. But beware you will grow thinner when your brain uses more calories.

Seriously the money changer looked like the man on malaysia note.
and the no. 10 for matcha lattae and no.13 for wasabae milk shake, and apple strudel.
2 singapore stamp with 65 cents. perhaps, 15.35 for hsbc. what is AXS? 11.50 for the taxi with tiny tv. Aron kwok. I know i need to do something important now.

D007 analysis + Dejavu

2010-04-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

D007:
Quote: "Have no idea, 25 may it was written down on a paper, something i thought was important."

Today i have learnt, Pastor lau is going back to Hong Kong on 25 May.
Nope i have yet to write anything about 25 may.

Dejavu:
I was memorising chords in Elim's house, many many chords. That was a dejavu.

D008

2010-04-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

In case i might forget. D008=Dream report no. 8
I was slowly able to remember at least 2 of my dream today from my REM sleep where it was scientifically to be reported as an average of 3 REM sleep per night.

Zombie killing game.

I was playing a zombie creating game where zombies are created to destroy a city, I know i was in front of a computer screen and i had almost done all the levels until the last level. I went around and found a zombie bull, brown in colour. I commanded the bull around but i could not see anyone, until i saw a person and heck it to death. Then i moved on and i saw 3 green figures and i know it is another enemy territory, yet i went ahead.. there goes the game..the end.

Teacher in secondary school

I was holding a marker, and i asked a secondary school boy to draw an "x" on the white board. Then i got a pile of blue tack and was molding it into an arrowhead. Now i know that boy has to hold that arrow head and throw it at the "X" on the white board... it is a tiny "x" he drew.. LOL.. HE deserved it.

Then i went back to meet the group of 5-6 secondary school students who were under me. It was then did i realised i was wearing a really smart suit, creamy white in colour. And the students were dressed in white shirt and green bottoms.

Then there were many other teachers, I recognise every one of them, they were all my secondary school friends. One of them was Shi Jie, He tickled me and then we had a friendly tussle, Lol, it was such a nostalgic moment cuz i know i am around 25-27 and that was my stable job and he was my colleague. I saw sharon too, She looked really young and she just smiled at me.

Then come the time for the students to draw something at the "x" and the arrow head.
I went to look around.. they were really creative! Some had a fish and i donno what.. And guess what!! My student drew chinese "wei Qi" and he drew some tic tac toe lines and drew some empty circles and some shaded circles.. I was trying to tell him.. "hey Wei qi is supposed to be placed on the intersections of the lines not in the boxes."

I woke up with the alarm.

D007

2010-04-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

This time it is not easy.
I thought it was 25 april.. but oh no, i am actually in 25 May.
What does this have to do with anything? Have no idea, 25 may it was written down on a paper, something i thought was important.

Then when i watched the mirror, i wasn't surprised that my hair had actually grown shoulder length, curly as usual, but i was amazed cuz i remembered it was really short 2 weeks ago. I looked pretty feminine in long lashes and big eyes, and i was admiring myself in the mirror for a while, i was in casual wear, white t shirt with black strings running down my neck.

Thats all i could remember for today, after which my grandpa fell down and broke the cup, that woke me up.

Zoro

2010-04-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

Jazz

2010-04-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

Digging into Jim Chapin's techniques for modern drummer book.
And finally after all these years i was able to play 1 page out of the 60+pages.

Now i will aim for the next page.

Hahaha. Very contagious.

2010-04-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

D006

2010-04-14T16:49:00.001-07:00

Today,
I fell asleep at 9 30pm. And was reading up on major memory system about remembering numbers.
I was in a class room with around 12 people and my secondary 4 maths teacher miss koh was there, she looked pretty and young. We were doing some questions on the board, and a few students were writing the answers on the white board. I didn't do my homework so i couldn't follow, but then i went on to do the harder questions first.
Then i thought i am a genius, i have not learnt but was able to get answers for the harder questions. I went back to copy and learnt on the spot the answers on the white board, i was figuring out a few digits then Miss Koh wiped away the answers.
One of my army friend Anthony mischievously took away my maths text book and i couldn't see the question. Anthomy was sitting beside me.
I borrowed answers from Jun jian who was sitting in front, We had our answers written in a thick but small A5 exercise book. Jun jian then rush me to return the book to copy the things on board.
Then miss koh was checking around and she didn't see me.
Then Miss Koh gave me an exercise book. I thought it was new. Then i opened up and realised it was the homework i did last year. I got "148" I think.. for the homework. And anthony got "110", Junjian got 128 i think. Really can't remember.

The maths questions we did had numbers only. It was not algebra.
Then i woke up remembering the major memory system and i figured a way to remember with chinese characters instead of complex story lines.