If drums could speak..

"You are noisy!" I told my drums today..
I almost heard her sobbing quietly. For the rest of the worship practice, she just sang quietly.. choked between sobs.
I was so sorry.. But she distracted me from playing to My one true audience,God ,that i simply could not bear to let her carry on. Seemed so out of place.

Various things went through my head in a lightning split second!... Could it be the small room that your Beautiful Projectile just seemed Thunderously NOISY? Or could it be.. i am just not gentle enough? Or could it be my ears.. they are imagining things? Or were the amplifers too soft that a sound from you is like a gunshot in the stillness of the night? Or maybe u are just unnecessary?

Oh God, i still love the skill u have put into my hands.. but i can't.. simply can't put it to use now.. i felt so disappointed.. Feeling as if.. me sitting by my drums is totally unnecessary.
Donno la... there is just this feeling... today, the music is So so... so... so... Extremely EMPTY and DRY... that i just refuse to paticipate in making it... I was totally Crushed in sadness yet hidden in my facade of.."nothing is wrong".

God,in the middle of the night
you called me and tell me
how i was seduced by the beauty of my drum
and drawn so far from you..

Now i ask of you.
Teach me how to play,
The way that speaks your love..

I pray.