time speaks

Today watched a very touching documentary about a beautiful gal who got disfigured by her husband, however she continued to live her life with the love of God in her heart.
Pondering... never understand why and how such great anger comes about... never understand why money gives happiness. Then suddenly think about family. I suddenly wonder if i will love money as time goes on...and when i start a family. But now i always feel i have enough...unless i am asked for money... haha:D so blessed.
Feeling very sad every time i hear about money... made a mistake for trying to help my fren... realising now that i cannot solve everyone's problem. Gave a huge sum of my saving for my fren's job promotion as a sales girl then now realising that all she want is... "more money equals more happiness." Btw she is just my junior that's all. That was long time ago... and i realised my dad keep nagging about it... he say he did rather gamble it away than to do such stupid thing. I was wrong too- not seeking if it is God's will to do such a thing even though it is not wrong to help... Saul's incident.
Although i'm aware that my bank account had been emptied... no big deal... can't i still have happiness? Haha. Have la... cuz i still have God who gave me angels to supply my needs. How wonderful.
Then... I felt sad when i realised that almost all girls like rich husbands. Then that is when i give up on bgr. How fake. Wife turns ugly, husband change of heart. Husband turns poor, wife change of heart. However, ugly women or poor guys, God still loves them.
Nearing the age of family planning, but how many are matured enough. marriage=life long commitment. I'm certain i'm still not ready, till i really am commited to love God as He loves me. Haha... wondering if it is too far i think. People change too. Then 2 days ago my jie told me... girls might change from gentle to fierce... then i ask what if i marry fierce girl, will she turn gentle? Haha.. childish me. Fierce will remain fierce... that's my jie's philosophy. Empty talk la.
Then as i think i suddenly remember what Pastor Patrick preached about... for real love, time will determine. As time goes on the passion will grow... God decide.
How long have i kept this from everyone... shouldn't keep it from Jesus. How can i hide it from His eyes. I'll pray about it. Haha. I guess i always give an impression of a small boy who knows nothing more than to nod to instructions and to smile worries away...