Eureka! What's inside!

I was pondering upon my inability to socialize well. Doing research to find solutions. Perhaps a prayer will help. Then i realised the peace and revitalising presence by being alone.

Thats the point behind being an introvert. An introvert growing even more introvert!

It is just a joy watching the sunset with a personified object whatever it is. Surprised that it might even respond.

It all happened during these few months! The conditions were as such. My language ability was invaded my -- ... -.- ... . -.-. --- -.. . and perhaps some yut yu and the need to commit everything inside my head.

Whatever happened i never realised that i am withdrawing from the external. Instead i was pulled subconsciously into whats inside. Or to simplify.. I AM THINKING TOO MUCH USELESS THINGS!

Yesterday was not a waste. It was perhaps the moment when i could recollect and slowly reflect on what was going wrong with me. In fact nothing was wrong.

The conversation topics differ drastically. Teenage days, Old photos, food, sardine, mackerel?, Max, Faith, Guard duty, Chicken mayo sandwich?, Slide, poor service, jelly beans, paper money? chill, peppermint tea, "Are you memorising the menu again?!", no, spicy beef soup, spicy lotus root, $5 to play that thing, rotating flower?, dropping knife, gravity don't work sideways LOL, accidents?, liquor choco, Turkish delight chocolate bar, chop you up, 3 years old? bleeding finger, pen poke eyes!, dislocated right elbow!, stitches on ends of eyebrows, details too gross i do not want to reproduce, small cup, Is this garlic chilli?, guard duty over exhaustion till high, World cup, Korea, dream of stroke?, dreams of murder, snipers, mother dying, arm size syringes, horse vet, midnight movies LOL, pimple over night but not pimple, face cream, out going out for a run...

Recollections of my thoughts does not include any conscious ability to comment on any of these. Whereas i did recall thoughts about some topics discussed, the highlights include my fully conscious dreaming experience! Sharlene took some Polo sweets, Charmaine's favourite. too bad. Buying a box of after 8 for june 21. Have not bought yk the PVC tube. On top of these some questions about 5.80 Ti-Rum-misu? I thought the real spelling was Tiramisu. Oh man, how awfully tasting was my own tiramisu. Can't blame it when i have not eaten tiramisu b4. Much unrelated thoughts, how long am i going to train up my left leg, just playing along to the music in Macs, all of which i do not recognise. Why does Mac Mayo contain permitted colourings? Is mayo not naturally white? When am i going to learnt the songs i am going to play later tonight? Student's make up schedule.. my holiday is gone. Does human's consciousness differ in degrees? If so mine will be 50/50. How's vanessa, how's Charmaine? I should try to keep in touch soon. How should i practice my guitar if i left it at elim's house? Maybe i can just use classical guitar. If i tap a morse code could anyone hear?! LOL! Well, who can i talk about Glennis?

The conclusion? I need to vocalise my thoughts and not to seek from my limited pool of info inside me. Perhaps I might get curious stares but that does not mean i am strange just that i am not understood. So i can put it in simplier terms that perhaps some solutions or comments might be constructive. Well, to begin with i need to be sensitive to how i discuss my thought, if not i might be mistaken as out of my mind, which i really am?! Nevermind that, surely there are ways to comment.

e.g. You may recollect the scenes. courtesy of my haunting thoughts.
S: We are taking 858 right?
Y: No no no we are taking 969.(What she meant was 8+1, 5+1, 8+1)
S: Huh? What is she talking about?
E: Oh yes 969 goes to Tampanies.
J: silence...
And this is when i start to see creative improvistion on a given idea, which i suddenly thought of jazz improvistion, on the extent which intangible ideas can be made known by sounds. And how i want to understand them, but first i need to build up this vocabulary of jazz standards and also season my ears to the reactions of musicians given a certain "question". Perhaps it might work perhaps it might not work.
What do you think?