Harp music = good sleep
Opera = *faints
I miss u.
But the pressure. Excuses i give.
Should i go back... i get phone calls to expect a burden coming my way...
old bills old taxes old accounts. Fear to pick up.
God i need u.
Should i go back?
But i do not find you.
I try to seek you,
but still i do not find you.
Hello! hello! hello hello! it is an empty street with no signboards, i m lost and cold. The atmosphere is chilly. hello.....)))))))))
maybe i didn't worry but i did.. every moment, i ponder the possibility of returning... i shudder. With every passing week, every passing service.
Guilt is born, faith is killed... perhaps a few friends will do good.. perhaps i am not a good friend myself.
Perhaps i m forgottened which i do not doubt so.. regarding the matters of doing the church. Rules, laws.. love?
Perhaps it was better without me.. hush... silence.
Perhaps all hopes of my return might have been lost, so why bother. Y bother.
And yes, my faith can't be built with too much worries...
:)
A smile cleans all bad memories away.
No wonder my memory is getting worse.. :)
hush.
hush.
hush.
shhh.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
D011/1807010
Time: 12pm - 1pm
Dtime: around 11am
Events:
2 series of body paralysis, with 2 sucessful wakefulness.
Questions answered:
1. During body prarlysis the scene is not parallel with reality. It is an imagination.
2. Though it is not parallel, it is similiar. Mostly formed by LTM and also by audio input.
3. Ability to explore the scene merely by touch, then by sound, then by sight. Touch-sound-sight.
4. Dtime is actually clicking a little faster. Estimation of 110bpm.(Oh!!!! That explains WHY IT FEELS LONGER!!!)
5. Images of subject in the mirror has no expression, if not it will be faceless. Suspects that this has to do with the fact that there is a mechanism to protect our ability to distinguish between two worlds.
Events:
Woke up when my granddad trying to wake me up physically. Then i realised i am still asleep. Tats my first chance to explore the FAQs. FAQs by me actually. If it is an imagined scene there seems to be too much order to it.. i almost thought it is real. Princess nora on television? What is that ancient show? Mirror reflects a faceless me. Not scary but.. strange. No one can see me.
Then i was really woken up by grandma for lunch. But i thought 5 more minutes could be spared. Then here comes the 2nd chance, Qn: Can i practice drums? Yes.. i feel my way cautiously from the ride, to the drum throne then to the sticks. Got sound? Yes! Action was smooth. Then i could see myself in a mirror just infront of me. Practice.. yes, i did practice a section of my routine. It seems too real and i thought what would happen if my grandparents could hear drumming while i am actually on my bed? So i decided to throw all the cymbals on the floor creating a havoc. All these questions are answered when i decided to wake up.
Dtime: around 11am
Events:
2 series of body paralysis, with 2 sucessful wakefulness.
Questions answered:
1. During body prarlysis the scene is not parallel with reality. It is an imagination.
2. Though it is not parallel, it is similiar. Mostly formed by LTM and also by audio input.
3. Ability to explore the scene merely by touch, then by sound, then by sight. Touch-sound-sight.
4. Dtime is actually clicking a little faster. Estimation of 110bpm.(Oh!!!! That explains WHY IT FEELS LONGER!!!)
5. Images of subject in the mirror has no expression, if not it will be faceless. Suspects that this has to do with the fact that there is a mechanism to protect our ability to distinguish between two worlds.
Events:
Woke up when my granddad trying to wake me up physically. Then i realised i am still asleep. Tats my first chance to explore the FAQs. FAQs by me actually. If it is an imagined scene there seems to be too much order to it.. i almost thought it is real. Princess nora on television? What is that ancient show? Mirror reflects a faceless me. Not scary but.. strange. No one can see me.
Then i was really woken up by grandma for lunch. But i thought 5 more minutes could be spared. Then here comes the 2nd chance, Qn: Can i practice drums? Yes.. i feel my way cautiously from the ride, to the drum throne then to the sticks. Got sound? Yes! Action was smooth. Then i could see myself in a mirror just infront of me. Practice.. yes, i did practice a section of my routine. It seems too real and i thought what would happen if my grandparents could hear drumming while i am actually on my bed? So i decided to throw all the cymbals on the floor creating a havoc. All these questions are answered when i decided to wake up.
SUBSTANDARD!
AM I?
SUBSTANDARD?
I AM SUBSTANDARD!
OH NO!!!!
I NEVER DID REALISE AFTER SO LONG THAT I AM ACTUALLY SUBSTANDARD!
IT IS ALL OVER NOW. I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO END UP AS SUBSTANDARD!
I WILL WATCH MY LIFE FALL.
I CANT BELIEVE IT IS OVER,
I'LL WATCH THE WHOLE THING FALL.
WHERE ARE YOU HARRY?
PERHAPS YOU COULD CARRY ON FROM HERE.
I AM SORRY I LEFT A MESS.
SUBSTANDARD?
I AM SUBSTANDARD!
OH NO!!!!
I NEVER DID REALISE AFTER SO LONG THAT I AM ACTUALLY SUBSTANDARD!
IT IS ALL OVER NOW. I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO END UP AS SUBSTANDARD!
I WILL WATCH MY LIFE FALL.
I CANT BELIEVE IT IS OVER,
I'LL WATCH THE WHOLE THING FALL.
WHERE ARE YOU HARRY?
PERHAPS YOU COULD CARRY ON FROM HERE.
I AM SORRY I LEFT A MESS.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Staying strong
Sometimes i will just sit at one corner and stretch a red rubberband.
Stretch... release...
Stretch... release...
Stretch stretch and it comes back again.
And at other times i will watch as the birdies come into my grandma's house to
steal food.
And other times i will watch the fan spin.
And i realise one thing.
All these things are wires gone astray and short circuit.
Stretch... release...
Stretch... release...
Stretch stretch and it comes back again.
And at other times i will watch as the birdies come into my grandma's house to
steal food.
And other times i will watch the fan spin.
And i realise one thing.
All these things are wires gone astray and short circuit.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
School
Starts,
The feeling of a new school is always the same.
Excitement.
Fear.
Lost.
Hopeful.
Even the people seems to be the same!
I was thinking, God, are you trying to tell me something from the group that i need to work with?
I seem to have stepped into another faculty with the same group of people that i met years ago. Feels so familiar. But friendlier of course.
Many students will complain about stress... So why not me?
Work piling u, perc ensemble, mallet sight reading, snare technique, nus wind band, my funk band, chinese band, working as teacher.
To simplify. Too many things too little time.
Well, i am glad my attitude changed. Last time i am really contented with a pass. Now i am going to aim for perfection, which i know is hard(not impossible) to achieve.
And Church, i have been dreaming about it every night. 10 out of 10 nights.
Pastor sarah helping the poor elderlies in my neighbourhood. Problems unspeakable, attitudes unthinkable. All those dreams sum up to one theme,
Change.
Perhaps one more sub theme,
Speak up.
LOL!
Overall experience with school is 11/10.
I blend in well like an o level graduate LOL! Not really. But my wits seems like one, perhaps even inferior to one. LOL! Y degrade yourself?!
Substandard. Tat really hurts.
Perhaps i need to work on my self esteem and i need some time to reflect whether i am looking at myself the way i am made to be, or lesser than what God made me to be.
Perhaps God will be sad to see a creation not satisfied with the potter's perfect plan. Perhaps the clay is really just spinning on the spin table, untouched and perhaps resembles !!!!a piece of shit!!!!
Who knows perhaps the potter is smashing the clay to recreate something weird.
JX!!! Hahaha!
You never say anything positive do you! LOL!!
I really am amused by your words! Brilliant! JX! Brilliant!
It is really fun to see you speak to me after being dormant for a while. Welcome back! Have fun in school!
And remember our agreement.
The feeling of a new school is always the same.
Excitement.
Fear.
Lost.
Hopeful.
Even the people seems to be the same!
I was thinking, God, are you trying to tell me something from the group that i need to work with?
I seem to have stepped into another faculty with the same group of people that i met years ago. Feels so familiar. But friendlier of course.
Many students will complain about stress... So why not me?
Work piling u, perc ensemble, mallet sight reading, snare technique, nus wind band, my funk band, chinese band, working as teacher.
To simplify. Too many things too little time.
Well, i am glad my attitude changed. Last time i am really contented with a pass. Now i am going to aim for perfection, which i know is hard(not impossible) to achieve.
And Church, i have been dreaming about it every night. 10 out of 10 nights.
Pastor sarah helping the poor elderlies in my neighbourhood. Problems unspeakable, attitudes unthinkable. All those dreams sum up to one theme,
Change.
Perhaps one more sub theme,
Speak up.
LOL!
Overall experience with school is 11/10.
I blend in well like an o level graduate LOL! Not really. But my wits seems like one, perhaps even inferior to one. LOL! Y degrade yourself?!
Substandard. Tat really hurts.
Perhaps i need to work on my self esteem and i need some time to reflect whether i am looking at myself the way i am made to be, or lesser than what God made me to be.
Perhaps God will be sad to see a creation not satisfied with the potter's perfect plan. Perhaps the clay is really just spinning on the spin table, untouched and perhaps resembles !!!!a piece of shit!!!!
Who knows perhaps the potter is smashing the clay to recreate something weird.
JX!!! Hahaha!
You never say anything positive do you! LOL!!
I really am amused by your words! Brilliant! JX! Brilliant!
It is really fun to see you speak to me after being dormant for a while. Welcome back! Have fun in school!
And remember our agreement.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
People
People are hard to handle.
I will never get it..
I will never understand the reason to those thoughts..
But i know it does not matter..
I have seen great things happen before my eyes and i can't deny it is great!
Doubts will always cling on to those who will fear the unknown.
Fear manifest itself in our emotions, actions and tots. Most commonly in the form of nothingness.
Perhaps uneasy silence.
Now i see through it all and i will not pretend that i will know it all(in fact i do not perfectly know everything) , but at least i know much more. Yet the reverse will occur. Confidence which stems from the root of nothingness has dissolved.
The facade that has been removed is replaced by another facade that is even more cunning.
Deceit. LOL!
HAHAHA!!!
A GREAT ACT OF DECEIT that requires a life long commitment.
Perhaps even to the grave. HAHAHA!
Lastly i would like to challenge you with these words.
"The greatest entrophy is elegantly simple"
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I will never get it..
I will never understand the reason to those thoughts..
But i know it does not matter..
I have seen great things happen before my eyes and i can't deny it is great!
Doubts will always cling on to those who will fear the unknown.
Fear manifest itself in our emotions, actions and tots. Most commonly in the form of nothingness.
Perhaps uneasy silence.
Now i see through it all and i will not pretend that i will know it all(in fact i do not perfectly know everything) , but at least i know much more. Yet the reverse will occur. Confidence which stems from the root of nothingness has dissolved.
The facade that has been removed is replaced by another facade that is even more cunning.
Deceit. LOL!
HAHAHA!!!
A GREAT ACT OF DECEIT that requires a life long commitment.
Perhaps even to the grave. HAHAHA!
Lastly i would like to challenge you with these words.
"The greatest entrophy is elegantly simple"
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Monday, July 05, 2010
WFD
What is WFD?
WFD stands for World Fastest Drummer!
Since the age of 16 i have been fascinated with speed. Fast!
But i don't like fast food though.
So i have been dreaming i will have a chance to meet the WFD one day.
Or even win in a WFD competition.
It is a sick dream though. But well i think there are much to anticipate from this.
unless i hit 1300... i can continue dreaming on.
WFD stands for World Fastest Drummer!
Since the age of 16 i have been fascinated with speed. Fast!
But i don't like fast food though.
So i have been dreaming i will have a chance to meet the WFD one day.
Or even win in a WFD competition.
It is a sick dream though. But well i think there are much to anticipate from this.
unless i hit 1300... i can continue dreaming on.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Craze
Aural exam?! How am i going to hear those things ting ting ting?
I think...
If i did badly, i will be in a simple class and i can improve later.
If i do something now i might be in a good class and deprove later.
If i do something now and continue doing something i might be able to stay good for the rest of my life.
And music history!
I felt as if a dead fall just collapse on me. A Giant one, 1000 years old dead fall.
I think...
If i let myself bleed in my fatalistic(thanks elim) thought, "nothing can be done" then i will die in this fatal crush brought about by fate on this staunch fatalist.
If i just take some time to memorise them.. i might be a good student.
If i am diligent enough to memorise them and review them and then do extra readings and research i might turn out to be the best student i can ever be.
If i were a fish, I wish i have no brains.
Since i am not a fish still i wish i have no brains.
Since i have brains i wish i have good brains.
Since i am a modern human with brains, i will use every corner of it no matter how big is my brian.
Perhaps it is as big as a swimming pool.. but the substance could be a mere half full 75ml can.
Again, I i ever wish i were a fish, i will go swimming.
I think...
If i did badly, i will be in a simple class and i can improve later.
If i do something now i might be in a good class and deprove later.
If i do something now and continue doing something i might be able to stay good for the rest of my life.
And music history!
I felt as if a dead fall just collapse on me. A Giant one, 1000 years old dead fall.
I think...
If i let myself bleed in my fatalistic(thanks elim) thought, "nothing can be done" then i will die in this fatal crush brought about by fate on this staunch fatalist.
If i just take some time to memorise them.. i might be a good student.
If i am diligent enough to memorise them and review them and then do extra readings and research i might turn out to be the best student i can ever be.
If i were a fish, I wish i have no brains.
Since i am not a fish still i wish i have no brains.
Since i have brains i wish i have good brains.
Since i am a modern human with brains, i will use every corner of it no matter how big is my brian.
Perhaps it is as big as a swimming pool.. but the substance could be a mere half full 75ml can.
Again, I i ever wish i were a fish, i will go swimming.
Time to do spring cleaning
It is never too late to throw away.
But it is too late that it has to be thrown away.
Unless it is good.
But it is too late that it has to be thrown away.
Unless it is good.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Never tired of watching this.
I have been watching this many times now.
Not getting bored but so nice!
Not getting bored but so nice!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
2nd consciousness
Today i had a 2nd chance to experience a conscious state in my dream.
I was walking on no idea what street was it.. then i just told myself "i am dreaming".
And there it happens again, an enlightenment as if someone had removed a blindfold. Too simple to be convincing, but it happened! LOL!
Here is my chance again!
Well, my intention as planned 2 days ago was to visit "someone" to have a nice chat.
I quicken up my pace on the streets and wanted to go take a bus.. then i realised.. i am actually not in the same world as i thought i am. That person don't exist here.
Feeling so lost i wanted to start my 2nd plan to dive into the sea and touch every fish.
Sadly.. it was a very strange city.. there was no water nearby, the people were all very young too.. i don't see any old people. The main thing is.. no sea! What a nightmare!
It is then when i feel the struggle to stay asleep. The noise from my table fan is starting to wake me up. My real senses are being aroused and my virtual senses fade away. Then still with my eyes closed, i felt myself lying on the bed again. Really sad.
Now i realised my intentions are limited to the things that exist in that scene.
So, the next time i get the chance, i will ask the people a question. Where am i?
And when i wake up i am going to compare it with reality, I am sure there are some parallels.
My english is getting Aloysius.. LOL. But it is this strange happenings that i wanna record down as accurately as i can.. really hope i can have a neuro-video camera.
I was walking on no idea what street was it.. then i just told myself "i am dreaming".
And there it happens again, an enlightenment as if someone had removed a blindfold. Too simple to be convincing, but it happened! LOL!
Here is my chance again!
Well, my intention as planned 2 days ago was to visit "someone" to have a nice chat.
I quicken up my pace on the streets and wanted to go take a bus.. then i realised.. i am actually not in the same world as i thought i am. That person don't exist here.
Feeling so lost i wanted to start my 2nd plan to dive into the sea and touch every fish.
Sadly.. it was a very strange city.. there was no water nearby, the people were all very young too.. i don't see any old people. The main thing is.. no sea! What a nightmare!
It is then when i feel the struggle to stay asleep. The noise from my table fan is starting to wake me up. My real senses are being aroused and my virtual senses fade away. Then still with my eyes closed, i felt myself lying on the bed again. Really sad.
Now i realised my intentions are limited to the things that exist in that scene.
So, the next time i get the chance, i will ask the people a question. Where am i?
And when i wake up i am going to compare it with reality, I am sure there are some parallels.
My english is getting Aloysius.. LOL. But it is this strange happenings that i wanna record down as accurately as i can.. really hope i can have a neuro-video camera.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Eureka! What's inside!
I was pondering upon my inability to socialize well. Doing research to find solutions. Perhaps a prayer will help. Then i realised the peace and revitalising presence by being alone.
Thats the point behind being an introvert. An introvert growing even more introvert!
It is just a joy watching the sunset with a personified object whatever it is. Surprised that it might even respond.
It all happened during these few months! The conditions were as such. My language ability was invaded my -- ... -.- ... . -.-. --- -.. . and perhaps some yut yu and the need to commit everything inside my head.
Whatever happened i never realised that i am withdrawing from the external. Instead i was pulled subconsciously into whats inside. Or to simplify.. I AM THINKING TOO MUCH USELESS THINGS!
Yesterday was not a waste. It was perhaps the moment when i could recollect and slowly reflect on what was going wrong with me. In fact nothing was wrong.
The conversation topics differ drastically. Teenage days, Old photos, food, sardine, mackerel?, Max, Faith, Guard duty, Chicken mayo sandwich?, Slide, poor service, jelly beans, paper money? chill, peppermint tea, "Are you memorising the menu again?!", no, spicy beef soup, spicy lotus root, $5 to play that thing, rotating flower?, dropping knife, gravity don't work sideways LOL, accidents?, liquor choco, Turkish delight chocolate bar, chop you up, 3 years old? bleeding finger, pen poke eyes!, dislocated right elbow!, stitches on ends of eyebrows, details too gross i do not want to reproduce, small cup, Is this garlic chilli?, guard duty over exhaustion till high, World cup, Korea, dream of stroke?, dreams of murder, snipers, mother dying, arm size syringes, horse vet, midnight movies LOL, pimple over night but not pimple, face cream, out going out for a run...
Recollections of my thoughts does not include any conscious ability to comment on any of these. Whereas i did recall thoughts about some topics discussed, the highlights include my fully conscious dreaming experience! Sharlene took some Polo sweets, Charmaine's favourite. too bad. Buying a box of after 8 for june 21. Have not bought yk the PVC tube. On top of these some questions about 5.80 Ti-Rum-misu? I thought the real spelling was Tiramisu. Oh man, how awfully tasting was my own tiramisu. Can't blame it when i have not eaten tiramisu b4. Much unrelated thoughts, how long am i going to train up my left leg, just playing along to the music in Macs, all of which i do not recognise. Why does Mac Mayo contain permitted colourings? Is mayo not naturally white? When am i going to learnt the songs i am going to play later tonight? Student's make up schedule.. my holiday is gone. Does human's consciousness differ in degrees? If so mine will be 50/50. How's vanessa, how's Charmaine? I should try to keep in touch soon. How should i practice my guitar if i left it at elim's house? Maybe i can just use classical guitar. If i tap a morse code could anyone hear?! LOL! Well, who can i talk about Glennis?
The conclusion? I need to vocalise my thoughts and not to seek from my limited pool of info inside me. Perhaps I might get curious stares but that does not mean i am strange just that i am not understood. So i can put it in simplier terms that perhaps some solutions or comments might be constructive. Well, to begin with i need to be sensitive to how i discuss my thought, if not i might be mistaken as out of my mind, which i really am?! Nevermind that, surely there are ways to comment.
e.g. You may recollect the scenes. courtesy of my haunting thoughts.
S: We are taking 858 right?
Y: No no no we are taking 969.(What she meant was 8+1, 5+1, 8+1)
S: Huh? What is she talking about?
E: Oh yes 969 goes to Tampanies.
J: silence...
And this is when i start to see creative improvistion on a given idea, which i suddenly thought of jazz improvistion, on the extent which intangible ideas can be made known by sounds. And how i want to understand them, but first i need to build up this vocabulary of jazz standards and also season my ears to the reactions of musicians given a certain "question". Perhaps it might work perhaps it might not work.
What do you think?
Thats the point behind being an introvert. An introvert growing even more introvert!
It is just a joy watching the sunset with a personified object whatever it is. Surprised that it might even respond.
It all happened during these few months! The conditions were as such. My language ability was invaded my -- ... -.- ... . -.-. --- -.. . and perhaps some yut yu and the need to commit everything inside my head.
Whatever happened i never realised that i am withdrawing from the external. Instead i was pulled subconsciously into whats inside. Or to simplify.. I AM THINKING TOO MUCH USELESS THINGS!
Yesterday was not a waste. It was perhaps the moment when i could recollect and slowly reflect on what was going wrong with me. In fact nothing was wrong.
The conversation topics differ drastically. Teenage days, Old photos, food, sardine, mackerel?, Max, Faith, Guard duty, Chicken mayo sandwich?, Slide, poor service, jelly beans, paper money? chill, peppermint tea, "Are you memorising the menu again?!", no, spicy beef soup, spicy lotus root, $5 to play that thing, rotating flower?, dropping knife, gravity don't work sideways LOL, accidents?, liquor choco, Turkish delight chocolate bar, chop you up, 3 years old? bleeding finger, pen poke eyes!, dislocated right elbow!, stitches on ends of eyebrows, details too gross i do not want to reproduce, small cup, Is this garlic chilli?, guard duty over exhaustion till high, World cup, Korea, dream of stroke?, dreams of murder, snipers, mother dying, arm size syringes, horse vet, midnight movies LOL, pimple over night but not pimple, face cream, out going out for a run...
Recollections of my thoughts does not include any conscious ability to comment on any of these. Whereas i did recall thoughts about some topics discussed, the highlights include my fully conscious dreaming experience! Sharlene took some Polo sweets, Charmaine's favourite. too bad. Buying a box of after 8 for june 21. Have not bought yk the PVC tube. On top of these some questions about 5.80 Ti-Rum-misu? I thought the real spelling was Tiramisu. Oh man, how awfully tasting was my own tiramisu. Can't blame it when i have not eaten tiramisu b4. Much unrelated thoughts, how long am i going to train up my left leg, just playing along to the music in Macs, all of which i do not recognise. Why does Mac Mayo contain permitted colourings? Is mayo not naturally white? When am i going to learnt the songs i am going to play later tonight? Student's make up schedule.. my holiday is gone. Does human's consciousness differ in degrees? If so mine will be 50/50. How's vanessa, how's Charmaine? I should try to keep in touch soon. How should i practice my guitar if i left it at elim's house? Maybe i can just use classical guitar. If i tap a morse code could anyone hear?! LOL! Well, who can i talk about Glennis?
The conclusion? I need to vocalise my thoughts and not to seek from my limited pool of info inside me. Perhaps I might get curious stares but that does not mean i am strange just that i am not understood. So i can put it in simplier terms that perhaps some solutions or comments might be constructive. Well, to begin with i need to be sensitive to how i discuss my thought, if not i might be mistaken as out of my mind, which i really am?! Nevermind that, surely there are ways to comment.
e.g. You may recollect the scenes. courtesy of my haunting thoughts.
S: We are taking 858 right?
Y: No no no we are taking 969.(What she meant was 8+1, 5+1, 8+1)
S: Huh? What is she talking about?
E: Oh yes 969 goes to Tampanies.
J: silence...
And this is when i start to see creative improvistion on a given idea, which i suddenly thought of jazz improvistion, on the extent which intangible ideas can be made known by sounds. And how i want to understand them, but first i need to build up this vocabulary of jazz standards and also season my ears to the reactions of musicians given a certain "question". Perhaps it might work perhaps it might not work.
What do you think?
Now,
There are things happening physiologically that i might be finding hard to cope.
I have been there but i am just not half of what i use to feel.
A feeling that i have left part of myself in another world yet to be awakened.
I am growing so strange that i can't even explain. All i can assure with words that i don't even know i am certain.. i am ok.
Just the thought itself is scary. If anyone feel strange being around me.. don't worry, it is my problem. Even i feel strange just knowing that i am in existence. I should seek some counselling from my pastor. Perhaps i am too into the "I" that the whole world seems oblivious to me.
I realised i was too quiet when i went out with Sharlene, Edmund and Yee Kei. But, seriously nothing was in my head. No comments that i can offer. No topics that i can discuss. No feelings that i want to share. Empty. Perhaps i was a little saddened by being thin.
Perhaps i can eat much more. Hungry. Perhaps i am psychologically unstable right now.
I have been there but i am just not half of what i use to feel.
A feeling that i have left part of myself in another world yet to be awakened.
I am growing so strange that i can't even explain. All i can assure with words that i don't even know i am certain.. i am ok.
Just the thought itself is scary. If anyone feel strange being around me.. don't worry, it is my problem. Even i feel strange just knowing that i am in existence. I should seek some counselling from my pastor. Perhaps i am too into the "I" that the whole world seems oblivious to me.
I realised i was too quiet when i went out with Sharlene, Edmund and Yee Kei. But, seriously nothing was in my head. No comments that i can offer. No topics that i can discuss. No feelings that i want to share. Empty. Perhaps i was a little saddened by being thin.
Perhaps i can eat much more. Hungry. Perhaps i am psychologically unstable right now.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Mind blowing!
This is definitly a new experience! I was dreaming and walking on the streets then i realised i am dreaming!!!
It all started when i threw a big tantrum in Elim's house when Yee Kei was playing with a perfume and it caught fire and she passed it to me to settle while everone just ignore me. I threw it downstairs and decided to leave that place. Then when i was taking the lift! Guess what i saw?
I saw a negro on a bike. And i said hi. Then i realised.. " I am taking a lift.. then there is a negro on a bike going into the lift?!" Where in the world does this take place?!
BEHOLD! This is when i became conscious! I am dreaming!
I started touching my skin.. It all feels so real.. And it was raining.. And i touched the rain.. It all felt so real.. dreams are actually so REAL!
Out of curiosity i started bumping into people and yes they realise my presence too!
And to test the limit when i held a young lady's hand, and yes it did felt like a young lady's hand, smooth like she had put tonnes of moisturizer. She was puzzelled then. Well it was understandable.
Before i could announce to everyone i am awake in my dream! I woke up!
Is this common?! No, this is not common to me.
The next moment this negro come up to me.. i am going to plan for a big event.
I am going to swim into the sea and touch every fish before i wake up.
I am going to ride a unicorn and jump off the unicorn!
I am going to gather a random group of friends from the streets and know them by name and i am going to come back to know them again just like the way i leave them.
I am going to visit a dear friend and have a nice chat which is not possible in reality.
What important things can you suggest to someone with the ability to have intentions in a dream?
It all started when i threw a big tantrum in Elim's house when Yee Kei was playing with a perfume and it caught fire and she passed it to me to settle while everone just ignore me. I threw it downstairs and decided to leave that place. Then when i was taking the lift! Guess what i saw?
I saw a negro on a bike. And i said hi. Then i realised.. " I am taking a lift.. then there is a negro on a bike going into the lift?!" Where in the world does this take place?!
BEHOLD! This is when i became conscious! I am dreaming!
I started touching my skin.. It all feels so real.. And it was raining.. And i touched the rain.. It all felt so real.. dreams are actually so REAL!
Out of curiosity i started bumping into people and yes they realise my presence too!
And to test the limit when i held a young lady's hand, and yes it did felt like a young lady's hand, smooth like she had put tonnes of moisturizer. She was puzzelled then. Well it was understandable.
Before i could announce to everyone i am awake in my dream! I woke up!
Is this common?! No, this is not common to me.
The next moment this negro come up to me.. i am going to plan for a big event.
I am going to swim into the sea and touch every fish before i wake up.
I am going to ride a unicorn and jump off the unicorn!
I am going to gather a random group of friends from the streets and know them by name and i am going to come back to know them again just like the way i leave them.
I am going to visit a dear friend and have a nice chat which is not possible in reality.
What important things can you suggest to someone with the ability to have intentions in a dream?
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