Keep it going

I feel that many things i have seen happening i have seen it happen before and i reacted the same.

I know i need to go church tomorrow.

I know i need to be there to sit at one corner to say "Amen" then pray some prayers, and then eat lunch and go home.

:) I know when i go church tomorrow i will see many people rejoicing and meeting each other with happy greetings! "Hey! Hows you been doing!"
"Hey long time no see!"

It must happen at least to the best that i can imagine.
It will be a really nice meet up to hear God's words and worship whole heartedly.
It will be great to cheer each other up and ask about the happenings in life.
It will be great to hear testimonies about God working in our lives.

It is easy to be around happy people. And it is tough when you are sad and people don't like to be around you.

It is hard to restrict the things i want to say.

When you really think that no one understand you. You are wrong... they understand you but in the way that they understand you if you were them.
When you really think that no one cares for you. You are wrong... Everyone cares for you as much as you care for them.
When you really think that no one likes you. You are wrong... Everyone loves you as much as they can express in their own ways.
When you really think that no one cares to ask how you are. You are wrong... Everyone wants to know how tragic your life has been so they will feel happier. Joking.
When you really think that everyone is ignoring you. You are wrong... that is a wall not a person.

I am a happy man now well rested from church. Tomorrow i am going to Church again! And perhaps the next injection of depression will send me away for good. Not to other churches but to a convert.

And certainly, it is inevitable and nothing can be done and no one will ask why and i will have no reason why.

Blisters

learning my four mallet grip i think it is called steven's griP.
Time to buy a glove. It is basically painful.
I m tired.
I drink Coffee.
Brooke is a Coffee monster!
Brooke is a monkey!
Brooke is a 5 years old baby!
Brooke is a Drumhead!

I am a little crazy on somedays.

hypnotising

Harp music = good sleep
Opera = *faints

I miss u.

But the pressure. Excuses i give.

Should i go back... i get phone calls to expect a burden coming my way...
old bills old taxes old accounts. Fear to pick up.

God i need u.
Should i go back?
But i do not find you.
I try to seek you,
but still i do not find you.

Hello! hello! hello hello! it is an empty street with no signboards, i m lost and cold. The atmosphere is chilly. hello.....)))))))))

maybe i didn't worry but i did.. every moment, i ponder the possibility of returning... i shudder. With every passing week, every passing service.
Guilt is born, faith is killed... perhaps a few friends will do good.. perhaps i am not a good friend myself.

Perhaps i m forgottened which i do not doubt so.. regarding the matters of doing the church. Rules, laws.. love?
Perhaps it was better without me.. hush... silence.
Perhaps all hopes of my return might have been lost, so why bother. Y bother.
And yes, my faith can't be built with too much worries...

:)

A smile cleans all bad memories away.

No wonder my memory is getting worse.. :)

hush.
hush.

hush.

shhh.

School

Summarised.
Practice, practice, practice, practice
Read, read, read, read
eat, eat, eat,
sleep.

D011/1807010

Time: 12pm - 1pm
Dtime: around 11am

Events:
2 series of body paralysis, with 2 sucessful wakefulness.

Questions answered:
1. During body prarlysis the scene is not parallel with reality. It is an imagination.
2. Though it is not parallel, it is similiar. Mostly formed by LTM and also by audio input.
3. Ability to explore the scene merely by touch, then by sound, then by sight. Touch-sound-sight.
4. Dtime is actually clicking a little faster. Estimation of 110bpm.(Oh!!!! That explains WHY IT FEELS LONGER!!!)
5. Images of subject in the mirror has no expression, if not it will be faceless. Suspects that this has to do with the fact that there is a mechanism to protect our ability to distinguish between two worlds.

Events:
Woke up when my granddad trying to wake me up physically. Then i realised i am still asleep. Tats my first chance to explore the FAQs. FAQs by me actually. If it is an imagined scene there seems to be too much order to it.. i almost thought it is real. Princess nora on television? What is that ancient show? Mirror reflects a faceless me. Not scary but.. strange. No one can see me.
Then i was really woken up by grandma for lunch. But i thought 5 more minutes could be spared. Then here comes the 2nd chance, Qn: Can i practice drums? Yes.. i feel my way cautiously from the ride, to the drum throne then to the sticks. Got sound? Yes! Action was smooth. Then i could see myself in a mirror just infront of me. Practice.. yes, i did practice a section of my routine. It seems too real and i thought what would happen if my grandparents could hear drumming while i am actually on my bed? So i decided to throw all the cymbals on the floor creating a havoc. All these questions are answered when i decided to wake up.

SUBSTANDARD!

AM I?
SUBSTANDARD?
I AM SUBSTANDARD!
OH NO!!!!

I NEVER DID REALISE AFTER SO LONG THAT I AM ACTUALLY SUBSTANDARD!

IT IS ALL OVER NOW. I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO END UP AS SUBSTANDARD!


I WILL WATCH MY LIFE FALL.

I CANT BELIEVE IT IS OVER,
I'LL WATCH THE WHOLE THING FALL.

WHERE ARE YOU HARRY?
PERHAPS YOU COULD CARRY ON FROM HERE.
I AM SORRY I LEFT A MESS.

Staying strong

Sometimes i will just sit at one corner and stretch a red rubberband.

Stretch... release...

Stretch... release...

Stretch stretch and it comes back again.

And at other times i will watch as the birdies come into my grandma's house to
steal food.

And other times i will watch the fan spin.

And i realise one thing.

All these things are wires gone astray and short circuit.

School

Starts,
The feeling of a new school is always the same.
Excitement.
Fear.
Lost.
Hopeful.
Even the people seems to be the same!
I was thinking, God, are you trying to tell me something from the group that i need to work with?
I seem to have stepped into another faculty with the same group of people that i met years ago. Feels so familiar. But friendlier of course.

Many students will complain about stress... So why not me?
Work piling u, perc ensemble, mallet sight reading, snare technique, nus wind band, my funk band, chinese band, working as teacher.

To simplify. Too many things too little time.

Well, i am glad my attitude changed. Last time i am really contented with a pass. Now i am going to aim for perfection, which i know is hard(not impossible) to achieve.

And Church, i have been dreaming about it every night. 10 out of 10 nights.
Pastor sarah helping the poor elderlies in my neighbourhood. Problems unspeakable, attitudes unthinkable. All those dreams sum up to one theme,

Change.

Perhaps one more sub theme,

Speak up.

LOL!
Overall experience with school is 11/10.
I blend in well like an o level graduate LOL! Not really. But my wits seems like one, perhaps even inferior to one. LOL! Y degrade yourself?!
Substandard. Tat really hurts.
Perhaps i need to work on my self esteem and i need some time to reflect whether i am looking at myself the way i am made to be, or lesser than what God made me to be.
Perhaps God will be sad to see a creation not satisfied with the potter's perfect plan. Perhaps the clay is really just spinning on the spin table, untouched and perhaps resembles !!!!a piece of shit!!!!
Who knows perhaps the potter is smashing the clay to recreate something weird.

JX!!! Hahaha!
You never say anything positive do you! LOL!!
I really am amused by your words! Brilliant! JX! Brilliant!
It is really fun to see you speak to me after being dormant for a while. Welcome back! Have fun in school!
And remember our agreement.

Salsa

bom pabom... bompa... ... pabom.. bompa... tok tok tok.. Rrrrtatata..pish

I love this couple :)

People

People are hard to handle.
I will never get it..
I will never understand the reason to those thoughts..
But i know it does not matter..

I have seen great things happen before my eyes and i can't deny it is great!

Doubts will always cling on to those who will fear the unknown.

Fear manifest itself in our emotions, actions and tots. Most commonly in the form of nothingness.
Perhaps uneasy silence.

Now i see through it all and i will not pretend that i will know it all(in fact i do not perfectly know everything) , but at least i know much more. Yet the reverse will occur. Confidence which stems from the root of nothingness has dissolved.

The facade that has been removed is replaced by another facade that is even more cunning.

Deceit. LOL!
HAHAHA!!!
A GREAT ACT OF DECEIT that requires a life long commitment.

Perhaps even to the grave. HAHAHA!

Lastly i would like to challenge you with these words.
"The greatest entrophy is elegantly simple"

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Sad movies

There it goes again, another sad movie.

WFD

What is WFD?

WFD stands for World Fastest Drummer!

Since the age of 16 i have been fascinated with speed. Fast!
But i don't like fast food though.
So i have been dreaming i will have a chance to meet the WFD one day.
Or even win in a WFD competition.
It is a sick dream though. But well i think there are much to anticipate from this.
unless i hit 1300... i can continue dreaming on.

Authentic

I love this old song.. Don't hear it at 3am though.

Craze

Aural exam?! How am i going to hear those things ting ting ting?
I think...
If i did badly, i will be in a simple class and i can improve later.
If i do something now i might be in a good class and deprove later.
If i do something now and continue doing something i might be able to stay good for the rest of my life.

And music history!
I felt as if a dead fall just collapse on me. A Giant one, 1000 years old dead fall.
I think...
If i let myself bleed in my fatalistic(thanks elim) thought, "nothing can be done" then i will die in this fatal crush brought about by fate on this staunch fatalist.
If i just take some time to memorise them.. i might be a good student.
If i am diligent enough to memorise them and review them and then do extra readings and research i might turn out to be the best student i can ever be.

If i were a fish, I wish i have no brains.
Since i am not a fish still i wish i have no brains.
Since i have brains i wish i have good brains.
Since i am a modern human with brains, i will use every corner of it no matter how big is my brian.
Perhaps it is as big as a swimming pool.. but the substance could be a mere half full 75ml can.
Again, I i ever wish i were a fish, i will go swimming.

Time to do spring cleaning

It is never too late to throw away.
But it is too late that it has to be thrown away.
Unless it is good.

Never tired of watching this.

I have been watching this many times now.
Not getting bored but so nice!

Gospel chops!

Oh man. These things makes me wanna play drums 1am at night.
1 word!

INSPIRING!

2nd consciousness

Today i had a 2nd chance to experience a conscious state in my dream.
I was walking on no idea what street was it.. then i just told myself "i am dreaming".
And there it happens again, an enlightenment as if someone had removed a blindfold. Too simple to be convincing, but it happened! LOL!

Here is my chance again!

Well, my intention as planned 2 days ago was to visit "someone" to have a nice chat.
I quicken up my pace on the streets and wanted to go take a bus.. then i realised.. i am actually not in the same world as i thought i am. That person don't exist here.

Feeling so lost i wanted to start my 2nd plan to dive into the sea and touch every fish.
Sadly.. it was a very strange city.. there was no water nearby, the people were all very young too.. i don't see any old people. The main thing is.. no sea! What a nightmare!

It is then when i feel the struggle to stay asleep. The noise from my table fan is starting to wake me up. My real senses are being aroused and my virtual senses fade away. Then still with my eyes closed, i felt myself lying on the bed again. Really sad.

Now i realised my intentions are limited to the things that exist in that scene.
So, the next time i get the chance, i will ask the people a question. Where am i?
And when i wake up i am going to compare it with reality, I am sure there are some parallels.

My english is getting Aloysius.. LOL. But it is this strange happenings that i wanna record down as accurately as i can.. really hope i can have a neuro-video camera.

Eureka! What's inside!

I was pondering upon my inability to socialize well. Doing research to find solutions. Perhaps a prayer will help. Then i realised the peace and revitalising presence by being alone.

Thats the point behind being an introvert. An introvert growing even more introvert!

It is just a joy watching the sunset with a personified object whatever it is. Surprised that it might even respond.

It all happened during these few months! The conditions were as such. My language ability was invaded my -- ... -.- ... . -.-. --- -.. . and perhaps some yut yu and the need to commit everything inside my head.

Whatever happened i never realised that i am withdrawing from the external. Instead i was pulled subconsciously into whats inside. Or to simplify.. I AM THINKING TOO MUCH USELESS THINGS!

Yesterday was not a waste. It was perhaps the moment when i could recollect and slowly reflect on what was going wrong with me. In fact nothing was wrong.

The conversation topics differ drastically. Teenage days, Old photos, food, sardine, mackerel?, Max, Faith, Guard duty, Chicken mayo sandwich?, Slide, poor service, jelly beans, paper money? chill, peppermint tea, "Are you memorising the menu again?!", no, spicy beef soup, spicy lotus root, $5 to play that thing, rotating flower?, dropping knife, gravity don't work sideways LOL, accidents?, liquor choco, Turkish delight chocolate bar, chop you up, 3 years old? bleeding finger, pen poke eyes!, dislocated right elbow!, stitches on ends of eyebrows, details too gross i do not want to reproduce, small cup, Is this garlic chilli?, guard duty over exhaustion till high, World cup, Korea, dream of stroke?, dreams of murder, snipers, mother dying, arm size syringes, horse vet, midnight movies LOL, pimple over night but not pimple, face cream, out going out for a run...

Recollections of my thoughts does not include any conscious ability to comment on any of these. Whereas i did recall thoughts about some topics discussed, the highlights include my fully conscious dreaming experience! Sharlene took some Polo sweets, Charmaine's favourite. too bad. Buying a box of after 8 for june 21. Have not bought yk the PVC tube. On top of these some questions about 5.80 Ti-Rum-misu? I thought the real spelling was Tiramisu. Oh man, how awfully tasting was my own tiramisu. Can't blame it when i have not eaten tiramisu b4. Much unrelated thoughts, how long am i going to train up my left leg, just playing along to the music in Macs, all of which i do not recognise. Why does Mac Mayo contain permitted colourings? Is mayo not naturally white? When am i going to learnt the songs i am going to play later tonight? Student's make up schedule.. my holiday is gone. Does human's consciousness differ in degrees? If so mine will be 50/50. How's vanessa, how's Charmaine? I should try to keep in touch soon. How should i practice my guitar if i left it at elim's house? Maybe i can just use classical guitar. If i tap a morse code could anyone hear?! LOL! Well, who can i talk about Glennis?

The conclusion? I need to vocalise my thoughts and not to seek from my limited pool of info inside me. Perhaps I might get curious stares but that does not mean i am strange just that i am not understood. So i can put it in simplier terms that perhaps some solutions or comments might be constructive. Well, to begin with i need to be sensitive to how i discuss my thought, if not i might be mistaken as out of my mind, which i really am?! Nevermind that, surely there are ways to comment.

e.g. You may recollect the scenes. courtesy of my haunting thoughts.
S: We are taking 858 right?
Y: No no no we are taking 969.(What she meant was 8+1, 5+1, 8+1)
S: Huh? What is she talking about?
E: Oh yes 969 goes to Tampanies.
J: silence...
And this is when i start to see creative improvistion on a given idea, which i suddenly thought of jazz improvistion, on the extent which intangible ideas can be made known by sounds. And how i want to understand them, but first i need to build up this vocabulary of jazz standards and also season my ears to the reactions of musicians given a certain "question". Perhaps it might work perhaps it might not work.
What do you think?

Now,

There are things happening physiologically that i might be finding hard to cope.

I have been there but i am just not half of what i use to feel.
A feeling that i have left part of myself in another world yet to be awakened.

I am growing so strange that i can't even explain. All i can assure with words that i don't even know i am certain.. i am ok.

Just the thought itself is scary. If anyone feel strange being around me.. don't worry, it is my problem. Even i feel strange just knowing that i am in existence. I should seek some counselling from my pastor. Perhaps i am too into the "I" that the whole world seems oblivious to me.

I realised i was too quiet when i went out with Sharlene, Edmund and Yee Kei. But, seriously nothing was in my head. No comments that i can offer. No topics that i can discuss. No feelings that i want to share. Empty. Perhaps i was a little saddened by being thin.

Perhaps i can eat much more. Hungry. Perhaps i am psychologically unstable right now.

Mind blowing!

This is definitly a new experience! I was dreaming and walking on the streets then i realised i am dreaming!!!

It all started when i threw a big tantrum in Elim's house when Yee Kei was playing with a perfume and it caught fire and she passed it to me to settle while everone just ignore me. I threw it downstairs and decided to leave that place. Then when i was taking the lift! Guess what i saw?

I saw a negro on a bike. And i said hi. Then i realised.. " I am taking a lift.. then there is a negro on a bike going into the lift?!" Where in the world does this take place?!
BEHOLD! This is when i became conscious! I am dreaming!

I started touching my skin.. It all feels so real.. And it was raining.. And i touched the rain.. It all felt so real.. dreams are actually so REAL!

Out of curiosity i started bumping into people and yes they realise my presence too!
And to test the limit when i held a young lady's hand, and yes it did felt like a young lady's hand, smooth like she had put tonnes of moisturizer. She was puzzelled then. Well it was understandable.

Before i could announce to everyone i am awake in my dream! I woke up!

Is this common?! No, this is not common to me.

The next moment this negro come up to me.. i am going to plan for a big event.
I am going to swim into the sea and touch every fish before i wake up.
I am going to ride a unicorn and jump off the unicorn!
I am going to gather a random group of friends from the streets and know them by name and i am going to come back to know them again just like the way i leave them.
I am going to visit a dear friend and have a nice chat which is not possible in reality.

What important things can you suggest to someone with the ability to have intentions in a dream?

Depression cycles

Maybe it is due to low self esteem. Maybe it is due to recurring negative thoughts. But whatever it may be, the feeling is an exponential dive to the deepest pit.

Perhaps to reflect in prevention of depression cycles.
The conditions if i never reproduce them then i can avoid them.

Very often it will happen:
1) AFTER a spur of confidence in my ability. A confidence that can bring me running across desert marathons right NOW!

2) AFTER a social gathering.

3) AFTER a short period of isolation.

I have yet to find any solution to prevent it.
And in such situation it is not a time to do it. It is not a time for anything at all.
It is not even a time to sleep. It is a time for restlessness.

I am actually a useless bump no matter how much i tell myself NOT to say that.
Actually if i were introduced to a beggar right now, i would see more meaning why he or she should Carry on living and not me.
And the ability to bring yourself right now to reflect, given this smashed self confidence is a miracle!

Give me 10 quality reasons you are a useless.
OK, i am sad and i am sad and i am so sad that i think i will make "you" so sad if a happier me is reading this again.
Where have the JOY of simply existing vanished to?
My existence really does not bring joy. Not to me or to anyone that wants to be around me if there is any.
Ok, now i see a simple thing. Social life. Lack of confidence when among people. Not matter young or old many or few.

What cause this? I am just unable to bring myself to not feel uneasy when people are around me. Y?

Please stop this. Think of the deepest reason that runs in your mind. I am not letting you go today unless you answer the last WHY that is the root of this problem.

Why don't you like yourself?
Because i don't have anything to give anyone that i meet. I cannot be of any help or even of any joy to be around.

mm.. Why do you want to give?
Because i want to see everyone happy. I do not want anyone to feel left out or anything. But then i also do not want to be a burden when my presence is not necessary.

Is there a time when you felt you have to be there?
I have to teach drums.. and i am an educator, i have to be there to filfill this responsibility.
I will even take a taxi down in order not to be late for a second.

Is there a moment when you think you think too much?
NOW!

When is your happiest moment?
YES! This is the moment when you take over me. And i disappear altogether.

I am here right now. When i see you so sad i know i am just resting to be unleashed.

But Why can't you just look inside yourself and recall all those memories when your neurones were less complicated and those nerves that fire are the happy ones? What have evolved in you this cycle to repeatedly fire depressing thoughts about you?

So what can i do? I can't make myself stop thinking. It is a conscious natural process. More natural than breathing.

Draw yourself to think good thoughts. Occupy yourself with good thought that either improves efficiency of thought or rewiring of network.

Whoever ask you to think so much?
You are distracting me and asking me so many questions that i can't stop a single second not to answer you. My biggest problem is the realisation of your existence, so real that it is not just a mirror reflection. You are always so strangely related to me more than an image of myself but a silhouette with the ability to communicate another string of thoughts.

The final question is my existence. Do you really think these thoughts clearly define me, or is it you?
You. Certainly it is you who have been so silent around me that i can't stay away from you.
Stay away!

Delay

Hypercreative brain - nonsense
As a bookworm i borrowed a book about hyper creative brain. It is nonsense, defining hyper creative people as a group of people with a psychological disorder where they have too many ideas beaming but never getting them done. But such ppl does exist and i call them lazy ppl.
And i am one of them.. i will have a sudden surge of ideas, then while i test it out, another idea comes. This cause me to start too many projects but in the end everything die prematurely.

The problem is a lack of focus and practicality.

..` .- -- ` ... --- ` ... - .-. .- -. --. . `

But, this is not the end of the story, what caught my attention was the idea of repetitive work. I thought everyone hate repetitive work. e.g, DATA ENTRY. But from the book i realised that, not many people will die doing it.. but there are a rare few who will kill themselves if they were given that job.

Finally my species are talking.

It relate so much to me and the book really point everything about me out in explicit details. I almost wonder why it did not find its way to top sellers if it were so enticing. But i do realise that it is not something anyone will enjoy.

How much more will a muscle dystrophic patient Read more about his condition than a healthy individual? So i guess this book does speak sense. With emotional highs and lows(depression). I sometimes wonder why i never see such thing happening in my friends, at least not that often. But i also do not want to be depressed, i just became depressed just like chameleon changes colour.

..` -- .. ... ... ` .--- ..- -. . ` ..--- .----`

So what am i going to do about it?
I know i need to kill the urge to embark on new journeys before i even complete the existing one. And i need God to put joy in my heart. But strangely i know when i am very happy today.. it is very likely that i will have a depression attack in the days to follow. Unless i stay around happy people.

. ...- . .-. -.-- --- -. . ` .. ... ` --. .-. --- .-- .. -. --. ` --- .-.. -.. `

It is very obvious that smile are disappearing among my peers. Age does brings wisdom and perhaps an understanding that does not arouse humour.
However, the pattern is obvious. When i find myself back to a certain memory state that involves certain people, my way of conduct will steer back time to the moments of the first years when we met. But it is not true if i try to control it by will. Things have seen drastic changes and i have been a bystander of all these scenes. Perhaps an audience standing among all the casts and crews. An introvet with no intention of participating in the world.

- .... .. ...` .. ... ` -- . `

I had a really cool experience today, perhaps it is a premonition to a scary evolution of mankind. Selfish and uncaring.
I was walking in the shopping mall to realise that actually i am dreaming a dream. No one knows me, and even if they did, they will not know that they actually have seen me if i just wake up from this dream.
In this mindset, it is very scary because i could jolly well had murdered someone and sentence myself to death but still thinking that it is a dream in the making. What am i thinking?
But, this feeling of being in the crowd but as the only conscious bystander is really strange... Just like being the only human to be able to tell lies when all that human can think of is the truth.

morphing.

I can fly to the moon if i were a moonfly.
Tell you, Tagalog is what i want to embark on but i think all these reflections sent a message otherwise.
Sleep.

Social Isolation

Hey Jude(pastor would not want to hear that),
I am afraid i am turning eccentric from these memories i am accumulating.
Scary memories of social isolation.

I had 2 gatherings this week.
2 scary ones which i wished i wasn't present.
I have come to realise of my diminished ability to socialise in any group get-togethers.
Ever diminishing. And eventually disappearing like a jelly fish.

This is a sign of poor critical thinking skills.
But i can't help it, i just can't seem to bother much about ppl.
Perhaps there is a relationship between memory and critical thinking.
Perhaps when i spend more time with myself, my mind shuts off from the presence of others.
Now even close friends seems like strangers.

How linking colours to months, a janurary red and Purple June. And dirty green april with a dark green belt. I certainly would not comment it that way to accentuate my (indeed messed up) queer brain. And spanish alphabets filling my head with sounds, terrible rotting fish that got on to 54.

Strange 12 ways of prayer in a Religious like circle on a piece of chinese filled paper.
260 + 15.
Rubbish cluttered brain that does no help at all in understanding humans.Yet indeed virtually created another sad case of Asperger's Syndrome "symptomed" guy on planet Earth! If there was a choice, i would rather recreate another Down's syndrome with extra 23. LOL. And i know i will be gladly laughing at my own joke, which is a random guess with probability as high as 0.99.

(scary scary... i often walk away thinking, i am coming back. My memories are coming back. Those scary ones that i thought i could throw behind my life. It is like those times in secondary schools and primary schools. Simple jokes that does no appeal. Concerns that does not really matter. And indeed those are the people i did avoid in the first place. And they did joyfully avoid me. But not now, it can't happen now! These ppl share a part of my life.)

Improved memories of scenes without words, emotions without speech. Names are leaving my head, emotions are flooding, self confidence totally wrecked with each recollection of childhood scenes.

No! If it happens for Jude. "Build yourself up in the most holy faith."
If i can remember a list of 100 elements off my head, if i can forget the name "Edmund", if i can remember the rubbish information that i want to remember. I certainly would not want to remember any minute of my life in this ackward moment of extreme painful recollections.

Feeling totally defeated, i thought i could throw all these memories away by watching a movie - Robin Hood.

(But i really hoped they had a great birthday lunch. I was really afraid i might be spoiling it with my presence. Feeling so sorry that i was around.)

So i bought a ticket at 6pm, still shaking from the side effects of repression.
Repression of those memories is a good thing since it tells me that, "Hey you had a life around cool ppl."
Strangely enough, i saw Jun Jian.
I admire his ability to recall bus guides. With all the bus no. and routes at his fingertips.
I was even more surprised to know that we were actually watching the same movie at the same time.

Well then i had a few arcade coins, 7 to be specific. And me kun jian and Jing Chong went to shoot some balls. It wasn't that fun, but strangely playing with them just brings back another set of memories where my queerness found a place.
They are indeed a fun loving lot who accepted me for who i am, a strange young boy at 14 who read physics text book while shopping with them. Cycle in the rain, broke into sunset rise? Things that would bring strange stares just don't seem that strange to them, although some things still does.
Those are the memories i would use to pile on the bad memories.

Can i be more self reliant and emotionally stable?
It all depends on my ability to kill those neurones that causes emotional discomfort(morael killers). And it will be accomplished only if i stop firing signals to these bad memories, and of course the source of such bad memories is obviously the giant "social isolation!".

Memory technique for JX only.

It either complicates things of makes it solid.
To me it does a little bit of complication but a giant chunk of solidification.

This is a way suited only for Jiaxing.. You! If you are reading it after a serious brain damage but still remembering the fact that you are Jiaxing.
Learn this technique that works a great deal for your brain and you will come back.

Level 1
Ok. You play drums! Quite well.
Learn each drum part by heart.
(Visualise!!!)
0 = ride cymbal
1 = hi tom
2 = mid tom
3 = floor tom
4 = splash
5 = Bass drum
6 = Left crash(Zildjian A custom)
7 = hi hat
8 = snare drum
9 = Right crash (Zildjian K)

Those are your single digits.ok! 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.

Here are your 10s. 10, 20, 30, 40 ,50 ,60, 70, 80, 90,
There are 3 rooms.
In Room 1 = 2 drumsets. (10 and 20)
In Room 2 = 2 drumsets. (30 and 40)
In Room 3 = 3 drumsets. (50 to 70)
In odiocrib studio where you play with your band = 1 drumset (80)
In your home you have 1 drumset (90)

Start training:
If you want to remember 9things.
1) Think of a subject. E.g. You.
2) Go to no.1 (hi tom) and attach an association of the 1st thing.
3) Carry on.. till the last 9..You will end at right crash.
4) By now you should only have 1 subject with 1 intention linked to 9 things that flows in a story link sequence.
5) Recall the sequence after 1min. After 1 hour. After 1day.
6) Congratulations you have it there forever.

Level 2
By now you should have all your 10 drumsets filled with things.
Now learn 10 actions and 10 intentions.
Action: 0=stand, 1=see or hear, 2=eat or taste, 3=talk, 4=touch, 5=give, 6=take, 7=walk, 8=run, 9 =kick
Intentions: 0=funny, 1=help, 2=sacrifice, 3=heal, 4=praise, 5=love, 6=steal, 7=destroy/kill, 8=insult 9=escape

This is how you apply. This technique is for remembering 4 numbers.
Subject - Action - Intention - Object.
E.g. Shaun = 3455.
In your head.. Shaun came your house and Spoke(3talk) "Wow beautiful(4praise) Oscar(55object)" 3455
Of course you will not be able to remember this nonsense.
Remember the emotions attached and recreate a HD movie in your undamaged visual nerves(if it is undamaged).
If your visual nerves are damaged. Sadly, just draw.. i doub't you will be able to read this too. You happen to draw quite well too.

Level 3
You always wonder why girls shop so much, well there was a day when you stop to wonder after seeing the vast array of women apparels. No Wonder! LOL!
Ok.. Now you are going to use this Women's wardrobe power to help you remember dates.
First lets set the colours.
Jan=Red, Feb=Orange, March=Yellow, April=Green, May=blue, June=Purple, July=Pink, August=brown, September=Gold, October=Silver, November=White, December=Black.

Lets set the dates
1=plain silk skirt, 2=shorts, 3=pleated skirt, 4=skirt x 2(e.g. Windbreaker wrapped around the waiste) 5=shorts x 2 6=pleated skirt x 2 7=khakis 8=skinny jeans 9=long pants
When you have 10s. That means there is only one piece of Shirt/dress.
When you have 20s = 2 piece.
When you have 30s = 3 piece.
The month is determined by the colour of the outer most Shirt/jacket.
And that does not mean when it is 01, she does not wear any shirt.
01 = Plain skirt but the end of the shirt does not meet the skirt.
Lets try
There are 5 examples here.
1) Grey is also sliver to me. So this is October 29.
2) This is November 11.
3) Ignore the white patterns. Grey again. October 29.
4) The gold scarf is outermost. September 29
5) December 21.

Now for the year. It will come back to using the subject-action-intention 4444 numbers technique.

And before you think you are ready to go try it out.
Time: there are 12 numbers for time.. So each represent the same colour as your model's clothes.
However, night 6pm to 5am will be covered shoes and day 6am to 5pm will be otherwise.

All the best and stay alive no matter what may come.

Strangeness

The hardest part of the previous 40-79 elements was to remember the spelling of the names.
However it was really fun.

I like the one.. Tell u r... Which gives me: Tell U R ium. LOL!
That is no. 52.
And even stranger one is Anti Money.. without the e: Anti-mony
That is no. 51.

I realise it must occur to me in a way that makes sense for me to remember. If it does not make sense, i can't remember. And the location where i place it is important too.

Chemicals 40 to 79

After remembering 39 elements, i tried to reach 79.
Which is helpful as i reach the 99 mark.. it will then help me to remember numbers with more details.

Let me try the recall.
Al Jurreau
40Zr Zirconium 41Nb Niobium 42Mo Molybdenium 43Tc Technetium 44Ru Ruthenium 45Rh Rhodium
46Pd Pallidium 47Ag Silver 48Cd Cadmium 49In Indium

Thomas Lang
50Sn Tin 51Sb Antimony 52Te Tellurium 53I Iodine 54Xe Xenon 55Cs Caesium 56Ba Barium
57La Lanthanum 58Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium

Pei Qi
60Nd Neodymium 61Pm Promethium 62Sm Samarium 63Eu Europium 64Gd Gadolinium 65Tb Terbium
66Dy Dysprosium 67Ho Holmium 68Er Erbium 69Tm Thulium

James
70Yb Ytterbium 71Lu Lutetium 72Hf Hafnium 73Ta Tantalum 74W Tungsten 75Re Rhenium
76Os Osmium 77Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinium 79Au Gold

Numbers. MOF,

I was pondering of a method to apply in remembering long chains of nos.
For hp nos. I break it into 4 by 4.
However, it does takes up a little too much time which i do not know if practice will
speed it up or will practice just makes me more confused.
I tried with the MOF food list since it goes by no. And i am forever hungry.

First 2 pages are Salad and the next 2 pages are Sandwiches.
LOL! Yummy.
Salad by Jojo(2), in room 1 set 1(2,3,5,8,9) and set 2 (0-5)
Sandwiches by Me(9) and Vir(0) in room 1 set 1(2-9) and room 2 set 1(0)

202 Salmon Salad
203 Salmon Sashimi Salad
205 Unagi Salad
208 Toufu Avocado Salad
209 Potato Salad

210 Egg Mayo Salad
211 Tonkatsu Salmon Salad
212 Salmon Wasabi Salad
213 Kani Mayo Salad
214 Kani Ebikko Salad
215 Tuna Mayo Salad
If add (S) means 1 pax share.

Sandwiches
9012 Egg Wasabi
9013 Egg Salmon
9014 Tonkatsu Salmon
9015 Salmon Wasabi
9016 Unagi
9017 Kani Mayo
9018 Kani Ebikko
9019 Tuna Mayo

9020 Egg

And 10 hp numbers. Which is confidential.

Today i was stressed out and it did affect the ability to recall as well as the motivation to create.

But at least it is a success that intangible numbers could be remembered tangibly.

New Testament 27 books

Room 3
Seow Fong, Ah Loi, Kenny.

Room 3
Seow Fong set 1
40Matthew 41Mark 42Luke 43John 44Acts 45Romans 46 1Corinthians 47 2Corinthians
48Galatians 49Philippians

Ah Loi set 2
50Ephesians 51Colossians 52 1 Thessalonians 53 2 Thessalonians 54 1 Timothy
55 2 Timothy 56 Titus 57Philemon 58Hebrew 59James

Kenny set 3
60 1Peter 61 2Peter 62 1John 63 2John 64 3John 65 Jude 66 Revelations

Books from Old testament Room1 Room2

After believing the effect of committing 39 elements to my head for easy retrieval,
I have decided to do the same to the 39 books of old testament.

Room 1 Elim set 1 Yee Kei set 2
Room 2 PS Lau set 1 PS Sarah set 2

Here it goes, the 4th time i repeat from my head, hope all goes well. (>.< Pray!)

Room 1 Elim set 1
1Genesis, 2Exodus, 3Leviticus, 4Numbers, 5Deuteronomy, 6Joshua, 7Judges, 8Ruth,
9 1Samuel

Room 1 Yee Kei set 2
10 2 Samuel 11 1Kings 12 2Kings 13 1Chronicles 14 2 Chronicles 15Ezra 16Nehemiah
17Ester 18Job 19Psalms

Room 2 Pastor Lau set 1
20Proverbs 21Ecclesiastes 22Song of Songs 23Isaiah 24Jeremiah 25Lamentations
26Ezekiel 27Daniel 28Hosea 29Joel

Room 2 Pastor Sarah set 2
30Amos 31Obadiah 32Jonah 33Micah 34Nahum 35Habakkuk 36Zephaniah 37Haggai 38Zechariah
39Malachi

There it stays.
I need diligent revision in order to keep it there forever.

Utilise Room1 and Room2

Vir, Vinnie, Jojo and Buddy.

Revision 4:
Atomic mass to element.
Vir:
1H Hydrogen 2He Helium 3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O oxygen 9F Fluorine
Vinnie:
10Ne Neon 11Na Sodium 12Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminium 14Si Silicon 15P Phosphorus 16S Sulphur 17Cl Chlorine 18Ar Argon 19K Potassium
Jojo:
20Ca Calcium 21Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23Va Vanadium 24Cr Chromium 25Mn Manganese
26Fe Iron 27Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper
Buddy:
30Zn Zinc 31Ga Gallium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34Se Selenium 35Br Bromine
36Kr Krypton 37Rubidium 38Sr Strontium 39Y YTTRIUM!

39 elements, there it stays.

A few sets on display

Put these in the room 3, 2, 1 where i work very often.

147 bus seats 53.

I was Thinking, Perhaps it is good to know how many people are around me.
Well, my common spot on the upper deck of bus 147.
I remembered counting 51 seats. But then when i counted again on bus 25, i counted 53 seats.

Bus 165, lower deck is a little harder to count.
But i started with the 5pairs of seats around me.
It was the first time i try to take note of ppl around my seats.
The bookshop pretty auntie, a tall built gentleman in green stripped shirt and jeans, 2 malay guys in dark blue, a purple lady, a dark brown auntie, a Yellow plumb working adult lady, white sleeveless lady, a middle age house wife, me, then a guy playing psp beside me.

Maybe the people standing matters too, a tall man with head touching ceiling, a plumb malay guy, thin indian man, a young couple, 2 black man again.

Room 3

I started to use Room 3 to put my first exercise.

Ok. 3 drumsets used. Al Jurreau, Thomas Lang, Pei Qi.

With meridian drums, pilot Al Jurreau
1.Alpha
2.Bravo
3.Charlie
4.Delta
5.Echo
6.Foxtrot
7.Golf
8.Hotel
9.India
10.Juliet

With the black QR with Dw pedal, Thomas Lang
11.Kilo
12.Lima
13.Mike
14.November
15.Oscar
16.Papa
17.Quebec
18.Romeo
19.Sierra
20.Tango

With the last Blue set, Pei Qi,one of the student
21.Uniform
22.Victor
23.Whiskey
24.X ray
25.Yankee
26.Zulu

There it stays.

Set A

Yesterday as i was teaching Shaun khui's students, Qi yan(younger sis) and Qi yu(elder) They said they were confused by some notation so i told them to see everything as set A.. and just take half of set A aside when you fill in. I am glad they see it immediately without further explanation. Then, Qi yu suddenly say,"Set A set meal, 2 half boiled eggs, kopi and 2 sllices of bread with butter!" LOL! Thats my breakfast. I say Kaya bread. Nope Qi yu say Eee, she don't like Kaya.
But the point is for them to get the idea of Set A into their head.
Learn to fly by Foo fighters was the song. I do not know how well i can memorise this piece after playing through it 4 times.
But the biggest problem was.. i missed my dinner and was feeling hungry, that i did not tell them to avoid unnecessary confusion.

If i were a butterfly, i would fly around and gather butter into my bag.
If the elephants were mine, i would teach them to electrocute any ants wearing pants.
Sponge bob? No, he is not an ant. Patrick? No he is my little brother. LOL!

1,2,3

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.0
1 hi tom
2 mid tom
3 floor tom
4 splash
5 kick
6 left crash
7 hi hat
8 snare
9 right crash
0 ride

Entering Hg Point Kopitiam, as i sit down at the chair and take a look, i try to put the stalls in my head.

I will call it.. HOUGANG POINT KOPITIAM with 15 stalls (excluding drink and tim sum stall)
Left entrance,
Nasi Lemak, Pots and Pans, Fishing ball, Economical mixed rice, Seafood mini wok,
Main entrance,
Ruh han's indian delights, homemade noodles, Pig organ soup(congee), Lai Heng fried Kway Teow, Xin hua vegetarian, Wen Fatt(HK)Roasted, Yong Tau Fu, Chicken rice, Lee Kwang Kee.
Back exit, Tim sum, Back exit and my morning breakfast spot.

BLK 649 funeral event, Blk 946 carpark.

If intangible ideas could tug a line with tangible objects, maybe thats where it will all start to make sense.

This never seems to end

This is a funny life living inside a sphere.

As usual i had a rehearsal with my friends today at Odiocrib, Waterloo street, 4th level.
Bassist Christ, Guitarist Ryan and a vocalist Ron(not fixed) And me as a drummer.
It might sound like another child play band.. well.. perhaps not. I love the way each of them delicate time to practice for their parts, so must i.
And now after 3 rehearsals, we had a repertoire.

Everyone wants to rule the world, (12/8)
Englishman in New York, (reggae)
50 ways to leave your lover, (steve gadd)
and Yugyugan Na (Jazz funk)
Generally we play Jazz funk, we had fun, thats all.

What i am thinking is the way i am using my drums.
Is this a job? Yes, it might be a job, just like any other jobs.
What is the contribution then? Our hardwork to give audience the joy while listening?

Now as i play my drums i will have sudden surge of nostalgia. Visions of playing in church in the past, somehow makes me a little teary. Because it might be from then where i started. And it might be till then where i will end.

It will not be good to keep thinking how people might think.. although it is a necessity for good social behaviour, but my job is not something everyone will classify as a job. Somethings are just grey, you can't really tell black from white.

Shivam
Well, on tuesday, i was at Shivam's house.
I love the way the black 50kg bulldog welcome me, not forgetting the quiet giant Chow chow.
Manchu is the name of that black bull dog, he is very heavy! And sometimes smelly. And when it climb the stairs it will pant very heavily. LOL!
Sometimes when Manchu just stay under the drum chair and i wanted to push him away.. he just does'nt move an inch, imagine pushing a stone. And Mauchu will look at me with those "what is happening now?" Kind of eyes. LOL!
And when i am half way through the lesson, Manchu will lie flat on its stomach with limbs outstretched. If he were to move his limbs, it would look like he is swimming on the floor. LOL! Very cute.
Now i know why people keep bull dogs. I would love one too.
AT least it will be a great comfort to know that there is someone who is lazier than i am. LOL! And dumber.(New word)
Sihvam is learning well, hope he pays more attention during lesson next time.
Sohaana seems more obedient.
They love Mr bean at 5 30 thats for sure.

And Memory training has brought me no where, i am in fact turning a little crazy from all the strange techniques. And i am yes, becoming a little more unsociable. Thats the character of a nerd. Which i am turning into one.

Am i being ungrateful?
I realised that people will be happier if we could recall the things that they have done for us. Recall and thank them again. But i do not know how many times is enough.
But there are too many people around me to please. What is the meaning of being ungrateful? Actually i do not understand.
I have been rather silent to observe human behaviours that happen around me.

The sunday incident was most strange.
Sharlene wanted to stand. And pastor lau wanted to give her seat.
I asked her to sit on the floor but i think it was'nt a good suggestion.
And then Yee kei gave her seat and sit on the floor.
My action was classified as not gentlemanly, and Yee Kei was doing it right.
And Pastor praised Yee Kei, that everyone should have this attitude.

Mm, then again, Maybe i should have been nicer by proposing nicely that there could be an option of sitting on the floor.

I will classify this under plasticity of decision.
I can Say yes and means Yes.
I can say Yes and means No,
I can say No and means Yes,
I can say No and means No.

Other than these 4, the more complex will be
When i say yes and insist yes but I meant No.

It could extent out and in summary
What we say is actually not what we actually want to say.

If this plasticity of decision did not exist, I can imagine what happen.
Sharlene will Say, " I want to sit "
I will say, " Sit on the floor! "
Since she has considered my option and it is not good, I guess she will ignore this input.
Yee kei will say " You sit on the chair, i sit on the floor!"
Notice here that Plasticity of decision does not exist and Yee Kei really means she likes to sit on the floor so things are settled.

What if Yee Kei says, "Jiaxing you stand!"
Then I will consider this option too!
If it never resolves, Sharlene will now decide and say " I will stand!"
And willingly she stands and munch munch.

I was going to Ask Yee kei why her subway had not Vege in it! LOL! IT looked really thin and funny.

Anyway possible, observe more and soon i will distinguish the tone of a Yes meaning No.

Anyway possible i will learn to be better than who i was.

Then i am about to trace back to the times when i was baby. Babies in the stomach do see things. I remember when i was in my mom's stomach, i could see Red and hear the superman theme song. I donno if it is true, maybe i should ask my mom. Or check out if there was superman in 1987 from around march to november.

Wakefulness during rapid eye movement

I don't want to type this in morse code. It is a strange occurance which don't usually happen and could assist researchers in their study of sleep.

I have had a series of Wakefulness during REM, which is an occurance ever since i turned 17. I now understand that it is neither evil spirit nor mere dreaming.
It is as simple as becoming conscious while entering into REM stage of sleep.

Here is what i experience during these times.

I am unable to move(due to motor inhibitors which prevent me from sleep walking and hitting others when i dream).

I can open my eyes. When i open my eyes, i can see the room i am in, and it is always bigger than the actual room size. My vision is clear and i have perfect vision even without spectacles cuz i usually need glasses. I can turn my neck and look around.

My ears were filled with a mild motor humming at a relatively high pitch, like the feeling of sitting in a flying airplane. And also i can hear sounds that makes no sense, sometimes chatters and laughters and fluttering wings. I suspect it is a cumulation of sounds from outside my room. Some sounds makes sense to me, like when the tv is on and my grandma is talking, i can hear it too.

My touch is sensitive too. I could feel the bed and the pillows. But i cannot move.

I feel a little frightened because it is something new that i have never felt before.
I usually close my eyes after looking for 5-10 seconds. As i am afraid what might appear. There was once i saw a gloomy dark figure. But when i close my eyes, i know i am still conscious and i am still in REM state thus i hear.

Today, i had another encounter. But this time i had a little more knowledge of what was happening so i tried to really wake up during this REM stage.

This was what happened. I slept around 40 minutes and i woke up. But since i know after the first 2 stage of sleep the next stage will be REM i tricked myself to go back to sleep yet maintaining my consciousness... During this process, i close my eyes, and concentrate on staying awake while my brain subconsciously bring me to sleep, it is during this stage where i will hear blood gushing noises just like when we yawn.

I thought it was too scary an experience so i decided to wake up, naturally by opening my eyes. Then, as i open my eyes, i see shifting vision of whatever i was focusing on.. i know that my eyes are shifting really fast left to right and when it roll back upwards i will naturally close my eyes.

I was actually quite scared and i did called upon God and ask God to bring me back to normal consciousness after counting 3. But nope after counting 3, i counted another 3. And another 3. LOL. I gave up and decided to just fall asleep and then my grandpa's cough woke me up. And my eyes open again to see the same ceiling that i was staring at when i opened my eyes in REM sleep.

I have a few questions which i can't find out. Did i really opened my eyes or did i see through my eyelids?
Because, there was once when i had this experience, my brothers didn't notice anything weird about my sleep, i was just lying there asleep.

And if it were a conscious dream, i would be able to shift scenes like daydreaming, and also will it match the physical world or is it just a world in my imagination?

Perhaps it could be a time well spent by playing my drums provided i must realise that i cannot force myself to move but i can only imagine myself to move.

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http://www.philtulga.com/morse.html#Activities

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D009/190710

I have decided to include the date for efficiency of tracking.

Mrs Samuel
Today in my dream i was suppose to attend a wedding party of my cousin,
but then i was wearing slippers and shorts.. and i rushed down trying not to run..
I realised i was very poorly dressed, and my shirt was stained, so i decided to run home to change.

I took a sbs bus, and then when i was standing at a corner, i saw an indian lady speaking in China accented english, amazing! She was talking with her daughter over the phone. Then i realised she is my Primary 6 teacher Mrs Samuel.
Some random Man in formal light bluish green shirt then approached her and asked her about secrets of teaching.
Mrs Samuel then told him about the Principles of Japanese discipline, then she spoke some japanese, and she also said it has worked on many of her students who were really successful after graduation from PSLE.
I was about thinking of my way of life, has it been a good example in her case?
I am an example of her student, I thought in my heart:" i was one of your best student Mrs Samuel."
I forgot all about the wedding, i went straight home and there were many children and i remembered i played with them.. run around the house.

There is a trend in my dreams these few days where it is all about teacher and students. I suppose it is because i am thinking about studying most of my conscious moment.
I am able to remember more things with association now and it is my goal to
1)have my memory calander schedule clearly mapped out and edited as and when i like
2)phone numbers appearing when i need them.
3)memorise one psalm a day
4)memorise one song a day
5)Run memory recall and memory formation simultaneously, consciously and also subconsciously
6)Most important, these memories must relate to an eternal time frame, God and people around me.

Memory II

"Life is more than just b/w; +/-"

These are the words on kenny's zebra print shirt. LOL!

Today. My head has been surging with blood. I feel like i need to memorise many things, my head is too empty for my age. Yet, there is nothing in life worth remembering for any good when you pass away.

Perhaps the sermon will do some good.
1) Faith
2) Purity
4) Power
3) perseverence

Kenny was supposed to read Mark 7: 24-30 but he lost the page. LOL!

Pastor's testaments:
1) George Müller: Pray for food for orphanage and got bread and milk.
2) Went to hong kong and received HK and usd.. (confidential amount in case she get robbed)
3) Abraham(75 years old) waited 25years old to get Issac. I jokingly said he waited 400 years Hahaha, but i think it wasn't a good joke. Kenny got it. Jarryl asked:" How to remember!?" Cough cough cough.

Scriptures:

Mark 11:22
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.

Jude 1:20
But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit.

Luke 18:1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Roman 10:17
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. ( i read this in another version: Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God )

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Elim read this after mine)

The things that happen after that are too mundane to be of importance to me.
But still i took effort to remember them.

Don't take notes anymore pls, Just take a little more effort. But beware you will grow thinner when your brain uses more calories.

Seriously the money changer looked like the man on malaysia note.
and the no. 10 for matcha lattae and no.13 for wasabae milk shake, and apple strudel.
2 singapore stamp with 65 cents. perhaps, 15.35 for hsbc. what is AXS? 11.50 for the taxi with tiny tv. Aron kwok. I know i need to do something important now.

D007 analysis + Dejavu

D007:
Quote: "Have no idea, 25 may it was written down on a paper, something i thought was important."

Today i have learnt, Pastor lau is going back to Hong Kong on 25 May.
Nope i have yet to write anything about 25 may.

Dejavu:
I was memorising chords in Elim's house, many many chords. That was a dejavu.

D008

In case i might forget. D008=Dream report no. 8
I was slowly able to remember at least 2 of my dream today from my REM sleep where it was scientifically to be reported as an average of 3 REM sleep per night.

Zombie killing game.

I was playing a zombie creating game where zombies are created to destroy a city, I know i was in front of a computer screen and i had almost done all the levels until the last level. I went around and found a zombie bull, brown in colour. I commanded the bull around but i could not see anyone, until i saw a person and heck it to death. Then i moved on and i saw 3 green figures and i know it is another enemy territory, yet i went ahead.. there goes the game..the end.

Teacher in secondary school

I was holding a marker, and i asked a secondary school boy to draw an "x" on the white board. Then i got a pile of blue tack and was molding it into an arrowhead. Now i know that boy has to hold that arrow head and throw it at the "X" on the white board... it is a tiny "x" he drew.. LOL.. HE deserved it.

Then i went back to meet the group of 5-6 secondary school students who were under me. It was then did i realised i was wearing a really smart suit, creamy white in colour. And the students were dressed in white shirt and green bottoms.

Then there were many other teachers, I recognise every one of them, they were all my secondary school friends. One of them was Shi Jie, He tickled me and then we had a friendly tussle, Lol, it was such a nostalgic moment cuz i know i am around 25-27 and that was my stable job and he was my colleague. I saw sharon too, She looked really young and she just smiled at me.

Then come the time for the students to draw something at the "x" and the arrow head.
I went to look around.. they were really creative! Some had a fish and i donno what.. And guess what!! My student drew chinese "wei Qi" and he drew some tic tac toe lines and drew some empty circles and some shaded circles.. I was trying to tell him.. "hey Wei qi is supposed to be placed on the intersections of the lines not in the boxes."

I woke up with the alarm.

D007

This time it is not easy.
I thought it was 25 april.. but oh no, i am actually in 25 May.
What does this have to do with anything? Have no idea, 25 may it was written down on a paper, something i thought was important.

Then when i watched the mirror, i wasn't surprised that my hair had actually grown shoulder length, curly as usual, but i was amazed cuz i remembered it was really short 2 weeks ago. I looked pretty feminine in long lashes and big eyes, and i was admiring myself in the mirror for a while, i was in casual wear, white t shirt with black strings running down my neck.

Thats all i could remember for today, after which my grandpa fell down and broke the cup, that woke me up.

Zoro

Jazz

Digging into Jim Chapin's techniques for modern drummer book.
And finally after all these years i was able to play 1 page out of the 60+pages.

Now i will aim for the next page.

Hahaha. Very contagious.

D006

Today,
I fell asleep at 9 30pm. And was reading up on major memory system about remembering numbers.
I was in a class room with around 12 people and my secondary 4 maths teacher miss koh was there, she looked pretty and young. We were doing some questions on the board, and a few students were writing the answers on the white board. I didn't do my homework so i couldn't follow, but then i went on to do the harder questions first.
Then i thought i am a genius, i have not learnt but was able to get answers for the harder questions. I went back to copy and learnt on the spot the answers on the white board, i was figuring out a few digits then Miss Koh wiped away the answers.
One of my army friend Anthony mischievously took away my maths text book and i couldn't see the question. Anthomy was sitting beside me.
I borrowed answers from Jun jian who was sitting in front, We had our answers written in a thick but small A5 exercise book. Jun jian then rush me to return the book to copy the things on board.
Then miss koh was checking around and she didn't see me.
Then Miss Koh gave me an exercise book. I thought it was new. Then i opened up and realised it was the homework i did last year. I got "148" I think.. for the homework. And anthony got "110", Junjian got 128 i think. Really can't remember.

The maths questions we did had numbers only. It was not algebra.
Then i woke up remembering the major memory system and i figured a way to remember with chinese characters instead of complex story lines.

D005

This dream was one day ago.
I was somewhere outside with my youngest brother. Then we were fighting.
Then my eldest brother appeared and started to twist my youngest brother's left leg in the most ackward way.. They were both laughing, i shouted "stop!" But then he went on twisting and bending his bone and was looking up to the sky. I was stunned. Then he released. I checked if my youngest brother was ok, He was smiling and his leg was lifeless. I asked him to bend his legs and yes he could do it.. after that i can't recall anything.

D004

this dream was 3 days ago.

I was at home when my 3 cousins and their parents came to visit me.
They had a pet horse, white in colour and it was just the size of my thigh.
My 3 cousins, Si Yan, Si qi and Sini. Si qi was extremely anorexic( in reality she is not) really thin and small. I held my left arm to the horse and the horse laid on my arm like a cat and started to have sexual motive. Stunned, i looked at Si qi, but she was busy. Si ni just smiled. Then i woke up.

D003

Fail to remember my dream although i did dream.
Because when i wake up, i know i have lost the scenes.
My recordings had nothing. Did I snore? That doesn't matter.

Music in Talented Kids

I never believed Music was Talent.
Now i see the true meaning of talent.

Talent here i mean:
1) The gift of limbs and good senses
2) The Love for what they do
3) The discipline to practice and perfect techniques and instrument.

It does not mean:
1) The ability to play when you first touch the instrument. Nono.

Everyone learns, and the only secret to talent is a heart that sees no boundaries and is willing to sacrifice time for development of the art.

D002

Perhaps i should record the scenes before entering into dreams. It might account for what happens

next.

Preliminary stage

My mind was full of faces, unknown, middle age people around 50 to 60 plus. And then an x ray vision of a man (30 years old) standing, then i painted the man in colours, He was wearing jeans and perhaps red or green shirt. Intention unknown.

Then came Charmaine in her younger self around 18, with those bunned up hair, smiling, she is always smiling.

Then black, i see 2 circular streaks of colours bluish green in darkness.

I started having ideas that if i could spot the moment when i become unconscious, i could try to remember the conditions required for the next stage of deep sleep.

I can't recall anything else before my unconscious state.

Dreams

I cannot remember the visual details today, whats wrong, perhaps it is very disorientated and too much too remember. Anyway, there was a bass guitar riff that played for around 30seconds,

It was a very funky bass guitar pattern that i hear.

I have decided to have a series of sound recordings, it helps me track the time.

D001

Feminine

I have countless dreams of myself as a huaman of female orientation and i fell in love with guys.

LOL.

Well the recent ones were more up realistic where i was of male orientation and i wore a skirt and a white t shirt. It was a horrific sight, I told myself, " What is this!?" Why am i doing this, and the worst of all i got institutionalised in mental hospital after being handcuffed.

The previous dreams before these were more fantasy based.

I was in army camp doing boring work of loading ammunition to trucks. And then i went off to Kathib on a bicycle where it started raining. I was soaked thoroughly. Then i appeared in a forest where i need to travel up a trail... I was blue in colour just like that in Avatar, and there with me a lady, a tiny yellow cat attacked us and the lady got badly bitten by the cat... But i borrowed the stream beside me and healed her wounds with water, Like woverine's self healing powers.

Then i said,"It is not me who heals, it is the one who sent me to heal."

Then a group of about 6 blue people gathered in a circle and i started healing their red wound.

And i sat down in among them and we started singing.. this i can't recall.

In an even earlier dream, I was totally devastated.

I was in a shopping mall, and there i went around with i can't remember who.. Anyway i met JAck and Alex in the washroom on the way to China airways. I went to pee. But strangely i can't seem to pee when i want to pee, or else i won't finish my pee. Because in reality i didn't pee while on my bed. LOL! Terrible feeling. Well i woke up and pee.

If i could remember my next dream, i would be certain i am dreaming every single night that i fall asleep.