Tml is new year eve.
I am 21 years old now.
Church is holding a watch night service where i need to give a testimony.
Testimony is nothing like friendster testimony.
It is a testimony which tells people how much my God has done in this little life of mine. Great God working in a little man.
A brief walk-through of my 2008 timeline..
I ORD from NS, I found a job in ST electronics, then i quit, then i got into NUS architecture and holidays came.
How how... Oh no... ...
I know i got really rebellious, i got really hurt and rejected, i got so lonely in school, i can't tell people God is there in my life.
Depression sinks in... Ahhh!
Siao liao...
Well, maybe the miracle is that i stood up again to serve.
Ok... when i ORD.. I got more and more agitated as i play my drums, cuz i sounds sucky. And then i stop playing cuz i sucks. God allowed me to stop as I was asked by Elim not to play for a few weeks.. i know it is God's plan. So i stopped.. and i got really hard hearted and i don't want to go back to play anymore cuz i keep thinking i suck... in God's band. I just wanna enjoy my pride in the worldly Band music.
Pride took me over and i didn't realise. I knew something was wrong when.. my heart wants to play for God, but i am afraid of sounding sucky. So there.. i was praying and God told me me this.. Pride will make me fall.
So i realised my pride and i asked Elim if i could play again. So i am playing again. Thank God for bringing me back. Although i still sound so sucky, i can't bother much about the music when nothing i can do will make it better, yet i know i have to be bothered whether God is there in the worship. If God is there, i would be content even with pots and pans.
Maybe in my life, God's grace is really evident. No glorious victories, no big achievements, nothing in me is worth human praise. But, a brokened life brought back to God, it is the greatest gift of all. And it is the most direct way to show, God is to be praised. I did nothing this year, But God has done alot in moulding me.
I hope for 2009. With this new God moulded(still moulding) attitude, i can achieve some goals set for Showing people how great is my God!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Apology
Ok. I have to be careful whatever i post here.
Must not affect anyone cuz i thought this is a desert for me.
A desolate blog which no one reads... Well, anyway ghost readers do appear! Whoo...
Welcome. *echo... welcome Welc.. oo...m...e..
*shivers
Anyway, i will not post how down i was.
For anyone who cares to know... i am fine. I was just lonely thats all. A word i can't find. Now i am not. I have friends everywhere, my drumsitck, drums whatever. Haha! I found a brown friend under my bed. He is my brown Vic Firth Drumstick.
Moreover I got Jesus!
Jesus is my best friend and his birthday is coming soon.
There is going to be a party globally but sadly people often neglect Him when this celebration rolls on.
People throw a party called Christmas for Jesus! I do hope Jesus gets more of our attention this year. I selfish PIG. Always think of me me me, forgot of my best friend. He is a King somemore! I am totally convicted. Sorry sorry Jesus. The best gift to get for Christmas is Jesus. The best gift to give is Jesus! The best gift to give Jesus is our heart.
Hey i got a little story in my heart.
(Since it is a story, it don't need to be true)
It is his birthday. 21st birthday. To think of it. I had been rebellious. I spent my birthday.. in ps. I thought i was happy alone. Well i wasn't actually. I thought i needed no one. Anyway, its over. I had a great chocolate cake from my little brother, and it is his first time buying a cake by himself! For ME! Touching lei... *sob sob. Money provided by my eldest brother! A sweet birthday song from my mother. I am happy i am so blessed. I am so happy! Haha! When you feel like you have no friends... try going back home.. if you are homeless, try ringing me... i might be as lonely. When 2 loners meet, they talk.
As i wear my earphones... the song plays... and i purposely didn't on my mp3.. cuz i just want silence... well the songs in my memory still play in random shuffles.
> Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight?(... Eeeks...)
Do you stare at your bald head and wish you had hair?..(-_-lll HAhaha!!!!)
> Standing at the crowded street, Listening to my own heartbeat..
> I can't forget.. the way.. your cakes's.. the filling so strong while lasting for so long... (??? -_-lll only if i had a cake.. then again i got a cake)
> Never knew... i could feel like this... Like i never seen the sky before.
I want to vanish inside your... cakes. Everyday i miss you more and more.
> A dream is a wish your heart makes.. you'r fast a sleep.
> And now... the end is near... and so i face... the final curtain...???
> Thats why you go...
> Everyday! Its you i wish for!
> My life! Is in you Lord my Strength!
> YOoou! Do That thing you DOoo...
> Talk to me tell me your name...
>... ...
> She Bangs! She Bangs! Oh babe, She Moves she moves.
> Yesterday... all my troubles seems so far away.
> ... Dang .. Dang dang.. dang dang.. Daaang... Chopin's Nocturne 21 plays.. shivering sadness and love in tat tremolo... Hahaha!!1 Hahaha!
> She BANGS! SHE BANGS! I wasted by the way she moved she moves..
> Well... maybe he's right. but, I just can't see how a world so beautiful could be... bla bla bla... silence...
> Look at these stuff. Isn't it neat, wouldn't you think my collections complete? Wouldn't you think i'm the giRl... the giRl who has... everything.
> COMEEEE WHAAT MAY....
> His hands upon your hands.. his hand upon your skin.. his lips upon your lips...
It's MORE THAN I ... CAN... STAND!!!!!! Boom!... violin solo plays in my head...
Raaaak... scent!??? (I guess it is the name of the prostitute)
> This song.. i know you know.. let's lift his name on high!
> i am half the man i used to be.. there's a shadow hanging over me.. and i believe in...
> YouUuu...
Do that thing you do!
Breaking my heart in... two a million pieces..
> Thats why i go. Away i.. know.
I am spartacle! I am spectacle! I am Tenticles! I am articles! I am uncle!
Hahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I am crazy here.
Hey hey, do try to make no sense of what you read. I never even understand what i am intending to mean because i like it the way it flows in my head.. just like it always happens before i sleep. If no one know yet. Crazy ideas run in my head always before i sleep.. and my dreams carries on till the day and last till night. Some are errrily accurate. But it is seldom.
Old man see visions and young man dream dreams.
For me, i imagine stories. Where housefly eat apples. And I eat a pear lying on the edge of my piano C# key. Escalators fly up and down like a rattling snakes... And i fly down stairs like spiderman! I do try before... and i tot i was cool. I was well and unhurt. I can't remember how i did the stuff i did last time.. cycling with one leg and no hands in a circle in my living room. On a 2 wheeled bicycle! Tats amazing! ply open cassette players when all i need is a button. And play with barbie dolls amputating their hands and feet. And adding magic colour pens at my white bread.. thinking it is pizza.. and i actually ate 5 of them under the kitchen table... some how i knew it was wrong. Waking up on sunday feeling nostalgic about saturday. Swinging my self on the cradle? till i fall on my back. Collect red ants at the back yard of ximin primary school! They never stop coming out! I was often alone and i didn't know it is sad to be alone till someone told me it was till then did i feel lonely. Eating my favourite Longyan toufu at 50cents. Reaching home to play lego. Keeping fish in the tanks... keeping 2 small terrapins.. and i secretly fished out guppies from my brother's fish tank to feed my terrapins! Hahaha! Small frogs too! They grew big and was sent off. I drew a self portrait in front of my mom's bedroom mirror... my brother didn't say a thing.. no one said it was nice or was it ugly... maybe they didn't think it was at all important.. but nevermind.. i threw it away. I drew fishes. An incomplete Dragon fish head in colour pencil.. a realistic one! Well daddy did say something like... stop wasting time on these. I started drawing manga. STarting with 金田一, a Japanese comic. I love the way the eyes seem to sparkle with lots of crazy details. Then i ended with a Taiwan comic of i donno what... where the colours and faces looks so realistic yet fantasy. So i met a girl whom i tot was familiar. She was my primary school friend. To be honest enough i had a little crush. We wrote letters to each others.. and i drew to her many many pictures.. almost every other day that i return from secondary school. Pictures of almost anything. I was happy tats all i know. Yet shy to be any closer. Well her letters are still in a golden box in my drawer. Sweet innocent ages have been long gone. Met my band mates! They were nice! ? Well Thats JC. My life made a turn. I do still draw portraits. I drew one for Milene, by my friend's request. During O level.. my mom said i was wasting time. i thought not. I drew a few for Charmaine and Elim.. And i am sure no one ended in Elim's hands! hahaha! Was there? I forgot. My memory start to fail. I drew a few more... sad sad.. getting sadder as i draw. JC life was a holiday trip in Anderson. I love it. I was so sick in California. I lost my voice. There wasn't anything interesting. Well i learnt to play my drums then. Bit by bit i picked up my skill. still under exposed in my ears. I love her. Then it is when i got my Swiss Triplet! fast! FAST! I can't control my joy! And then i picked up my swiss army knife and my rifle in tat army camp. Tortured, yet pampered. Can't explain the paradox. Every night, a song sings me to sleep.. Hide me now.. under your wings... cover me.. within your mighty hands... Zzz.. When the.. ocean.. zz... even now i feel sleepy. Whenever i run! A song motivated me on.. MY life is in you lord my strength is in you lord my hope is in you in you is in you! Gold.. and money i got. friends i made. Thank God for a hope i can put in Him. Well got to Scouts, and had weird friends.. nice friends.. friends i still can't mix well with. Played lots of card games and it is when i picked up my guitar. Guitar! I do remember sitting beside the window early before the sun rise holding the bible and reading by chapters. Then a BX or tank will start its engine... VRooMmmmmm...mmmmm...mmm...mmmmmmm...mmmm.... all the way mmmm...mmmm..mmmmm... till i turn off my brain to the mmmm.mmmm.....haha! Then after praying for church and Pastor and Elim and Charmaine and reuben. I forgot to pray for the rest. I do pray sometimes for Yee kei though. haha! After these.. i go to my guitar! And play my C major scale. and i play the melodies i remember i hear b4. Well my ears.. were still tone deaf then. Haha!mmmm.....mmmmm....mmmm....
I learnt wadds bar chords. And tats all. HAhaha! There was once during Charmaine's birthday when i can't give anything.. trapped in camp.. so free... i guess tats why i called to wish her happy birthday! Haiz.. i know i am not like this one... i never do such stupid stuff. That's the year she got empty After8 chocolate box from me. Wahaha!!!! I did it on purpose! hahaha! She is so funny Hahaha!!!! I ate all the chocolates cuz they are so tasty and so she will have none to eat!!! I was crazy for sure. Anyway, i still drew portraits even in my camp. I drew some for my camp friends... using paper and pen. Pen was a tough medium for sure. At the same time i tried oil portrait for my daddy and mommy's wedding photos. It was such a failure i must say.. But i still have a picture of a little girl holding a seashell.. that was a water colour portrait though. Haha.. I love that one. Then i drew a pencil portrait and then a colour pencil portrait. And finally i did an oil painting portrait for Charmaine in 4days and the last night... i can't dry it in time. To compensate for the empty chocolate box which i hope whe will forget. Proportions were a little off.. and the sea looked weird to me.. but nevermind.. tat marks the end of my portrait journey. And to architecture, i drew lots of diagrams which i thought was too easy.. but tedious... I must thank God for the years of drawing trainings i put myself under. Intensive study and practice by myself. God knows well har.. hahaha!! He sure does knows where i am headed. Well, so i picked up piano. I like my teacher Peili, taught me all my scales and a nice piano tone i thought i still have. I bought her a farewell persent of disney princess pencil box and i know she used it for her last lesson. And she brought me through the grade 5 exam. Now lesson is ex and i stop. i won't say y. cuz it is very expensive. And then i teach drums. I learnt metal drumming then... and teach double pedal techniques. I learnt as i taught. And as i teach, i learn. haha! And so i am stop playing for church cuz i thought i can't play in that context. Well, now i am playing again. Playing for God, you don't need to be good. You need to be true. Ok, i wish we could be more honest to each other. We can be good. But when everything is pointed towards me.. "it all depends on you." !!! I am not God. I won't know what you all want? If only God put someone in my shoe now. I hear a side of building up and a side of toning down! CRAZY! I usually do follow the instruction though... do whatever i want.. and i know it is horrible! Be honest! I still love her. It's hard to put down the things that have been tormenting me. I am quite certain no one will follow the reading till so far.. so it is time to be honest in me. Jiaxing is my name. Hahaha!
I can't love anymore i am hurt. So deep i am not loving. God i need your help to help me love again. Anyone. Terrible.
Okok. I am ok. Everything is fine in me. Pull back the curtain! I can't help it.
Ok to talk of being ok... i have to go back to my drums. You see i started my double pedal at the unmatched slow speed of 30bpm in quaver. still can't control.. and after learning that there are 3 levels to attain in double padling, i achieved the 3rd level of 180.. and today i was requested by Dean to try 200bpm at quaver speed in one leg at a time. I did it! haha! Amazing technique. So i blasted a blast beat. PoWer!
reh evol llits i. Anyway, sorry for anyone who want to read. I really take this place to spill. I really don't wanna affect anyone in anyway, spiritually, physically, emotionally.
Thats all Forks! Hahaha!
Must not affect anyone cuz i thought this is a desert for me.
A desolate blog which no one reads... Well, anyway ghost readers do appear! Whoo...
Welcome. *echo... welcome Welc.. oo...m...e..
*shivers
Anyway, i will not post how down i was.
For anyone who cares to know... i am fine. I was just lonely thats all. A word i can't find. Now i am not. I have friends everywhere, my drumsitck, drums whatever. Haha! I found a brown friend under my bed. He is my brown Vic Firth Drumstick.
Moreover I got Jesus!
Jesus is my best friend and his birthday is coming soon.
There is going to be a party globally but sadly people often neglect Him when this celebration rolls on.
People throw a party called Christmas for Jesus! I do hope Jesus gets more of our attention this year. I selfish PIG. Always think of me me me, forgot of my best friend. He is a King somemore! I am totally convicted. Sorry sorry Jesus. The best gift to get for Christmas is Jesus. The best gift to give is Jesus! The best gift to give Jesus is our heart.
Hey i got a little story in my heart.
(Since it is a story, it don't need to be true)
It is his birthday. 21st birthday. To think of it. I had been rebellious. I spent my birthday.. in ps. I thought i was happy alone. Well i wasn't actually. I thought i needed no one. Anyway, its over. I had a great chocolate cake from my little brother, and it is his first time buying a cake by himself! For ME! Touching lei... *sob sob. Money provided by my eldest brother! A sweet birthday song from my mother. I am happy i am so blessed. I am so happy! Haha! When you feel like you have no friends... try going back home.. if you are homeless, try ringing me... i might be as lonely. When 2 loners meet, they talk.
As i wear my earphones... the song plays... and i purposely didn't on my mp3.. cuz i just want silence... well the songs in my memory still play in random shuffles.
> Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight?(... Eeeks...)
Do you stare at your bald head and wish you had hair?..(-_-lll HAhaha!!!!)
> Standing at the crowded street, Listening to my own heartbeat..
> I can't forget.. the way.. your cakes's.. the filling so strong while lasting for so long... (??? -_-lll only if i had a cake.. then again i got a cake)
> Never knew... i could feel like this... Like i never seen the sky before.
I want to vanish inside your... cakes. Everyday i miss you more and more.
> A dream is a wish your heart makes.. you'r fast a sleep.
> And now... the end is near... and so i face... the final curtain...???
> Thats why you go...
> Everyday! Its you i wish for!
> My life! Is in you Lord my Strength!
> YOoou! Do That thing you DOoo...
> Talk to me tell me your name...
>... ...
> She Bangs! She Bangs! Oh babe, She Moves she moves.
> Yesterday... all my troubles seems so far away.
> ... Dang .. Dang dang.. dang dang.. Daaang... Chopin's Nocturne 21 plays.. shivering sadness and love in tat tremolo... Hahaha!!1 Hahaha!
> She BANGS! SHE BANGS! I wasted by the way she moved she moves..
> Well... maybe he's right. but, I just can't see how a world so beautiful could be... bla bla bla... silence...
> Look at these stuff. Isn't it neat, wouldn't you think my collections complete? Wouldn't you think i'm the giRl... the giRl who has... everything.
> COMEEEE WHAAT MAY....
> His hands upon your hands.. his hand upon your skin.. his lips upon your lips...
It's MORE THAN I ... CAN... STAND!!!!!! Boom!... violin solo plays in my head...
Raaaak... scent!??? (I guess it is the name of the prostitute)
> This song.. i know you know.. let's lift his name on high!
> i am half the man i used to be.. there's a shadow hanging over me.. and i believe in...
> YouUuu...
Do that thing you do!
Breaking my heart in... two a million pieces..
> Thats why i go. Away i.. know.
I am spartacle! I am spectacle! I am Tenticles! I am articles! I am uncle!
Hahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I am crazy here.
Hey hey, do try to make no sense of what you read. I never even understand what i am intending to mean because i like it the way it flows in my head.. just like it always happens before i sleep. If no one know yet. Crazy ideas run in my head always before i sleep.. and my dreams carries on till the day and last till night. Some are errrily accurate. But it is seldom.
Old man see visions and young man dream dreams.
For me, i imagine stories. Where housefly eat apples. And I eat a pear lying on the edge of my piano C# key. Escalators fly up and down like a rattling snakes... And i fly down stairs like spiderman! I do try before... and i tot i was cool. I was well and unhurt. I can't remember how i did the stuff i did last time.. cycling with one leg and no hands in a circle in my living room. On a 2 wheeled bicycle! Tats amazing! ply open cassette players when all i need is a button. And play with barbie dolls amputating their hands and feet. And adding magic colour pens at my white bread.. thinking it is pizza.. and i actually ate 5 of them under the kitchen table... some how i knew it was wrong. Waking up on sunday feeling nostalgic about saturday. Swinging my self on the cradle? till i fall on my back. Collect red ants at the back yard of ximin primary school! They never stop coming out! I was often alone and i didn't know it is sad to be alone till someone told me it was till then did i feel lonely. Eating my favourite Longyan toufu at 50cents. Reaching home to play lego. Keeping fish in the tanks... keeping 2 small terrapins.. and i secretly fished out guppies from my brother's fish tank to feed my terrapins! Hahaha! Small frogs too! They grew big and was sent off. I drew a self portrait in front of my mom's bedroom mirror... my brother didn't say a thing.. no one said it was nice or was it ugly... maybe they didn't think it was at all important.. but nevermind.. i threw it away. I drew fishes. An incomplete Dragon fish head in colour pencil.. a realistic one! Well daddy did say something like... stop wasting time on these. I started drawing manga. STarting with 金田一, a Japanese comic. I love the way the eyes seem to sparkle with lots of crazy details. Then i ended with a Taiwan comic of i donno what... where the colours and faces looks so realistic yet fantasy. So i met a girl whom i tot was familiar. She was my primary school friend. To be honest enough i had a little crush. We wrote letters to each others.. and i drew to her many many pictures.. almost every other day that i return from secondary school. Pictures of almost anything. I was happy tats all i know. Yet shy to be any closer. Well her letters are still in a golden box in my drawer. Sweet innocent ages have been long gone. Met my band mates! They were nice! ? Well Thats JC. My life made a turn. I do still draw portraits. I drew one for Milene, by my friend's request. During O level.. my mom said i was wasting time. i thought not. I drew a few for Charmaine and Elim.. And i am sure no one ended in Elim's hands! hahaha! Was there? I forgot. My memory start to fail. I drew a few more... sad sad.. getting sadder as i draw. JC life was a holiday trip in Anderson. I love it. I was so sick in California. I lost my voice. There wasn't anything interesting. Well i learnt to play my drums then. Bit by bit i picked up my skill. still under exposed in my ears. I love her. Then it is when i got my Swiss Triplet! fast! FAST! I can't control my joy! And then i picked up my swiss army knife and my rifle in tat army camp. Tortured, yet pampered. Can't explain the paradox. Every night, a song sings me to sleep.. Hide me now.. under your wings... cover me.. within your mighty hands... Zzz.. When the.. ocean.. zz... even now i feel sleepy. Whenever i run! A song motivated me on.. MY life is in you lord my strength is in you lord my hope is in you in you is in you! Gold.. and money i got. friends i made. Thank God for a hope i can put in Him. Well got to Scouts, and had weird friends.. nice friends.. friends i still can't mix well with. Played lots of card games and it is when i picked up my guitar. Guitar! I do remember sitting beside the window early before the sun rise holding the bible and reading by chapters. Then a BX or tank will start its engine... VRooMmmmmm...mmmmm...mmm...mmmmmmm...mmmm.... all the way mmmm...mmmm..mmmmm... till i turn off my brain to the mmmm.mmmm.....haha! Then after praying for church and Pastor and Elim and Charmaine and reuben. I forgot to pray for the rest. I do pray sometimes for Yee kei though. haha! After these.. i go to my guitar! And play my C major scale. and i play the melodies i remember i hear b4. Well my ears.. were still tone deaf then. Haha!mmmm.....mmmmm....mmmm....
I learnt wadds bar chords. And tats all. HAhaha! There was once during Charmaine's birthday when i can't give anything.. trapped in camp.. so free... i guess tats why i called to wish her happy birthday! Haiz.. i know i am not like this one... i never do such stupid stuff. That's the year she got empty After8 chocolate box from me. Wahaha!!!! I did it on purpose! hahaha! She is so funny Hahaha!!!! I ate all the chocolates cuz they are so tasty and so she will have none to eat!!! I was crazy for sure. Anyway, i still drew portraits even in my camp. I drew some for my camp friends... using paper and pen. Pen was a tough medium for sure. At the same time i tried oil portrait for my daddy and mommy's wedding photos. It was such a failure i must say.. But i still have a picture of a little girl holding a seashell.. that was a water colour portrait though. Haha.. I love that one. Then i drew a pencil portrait and then a colour pencil portrait. And finally i did an oil painting portrait for Charmaine in 4days and the last night... i can't dry it in time. To compensate for the empty chocolate box which i hope whe will forget. Proportions were a little off.. and the sea looked weird to me.. but nevermind.. tat marks the end of my portrait journey. And to architecture, i drew lots of diagrams which i thought was too easy.. but tedious... I must thank God for the years of drawing trainings i put myself under. Intensive study and practice by myself. God knows well har.. hahaha!! He sure does knows where i am headed. Well, so i picked up piano. I like my teacher Peili, taught me all my scales and a nice piano tone i thought i still have. I bought her a farewell persent of disney princess pencil box and i know she used it for her last lesson. And she brought me through the grade 5 exam. Now lesson is ex and i stop. i won't say y. cuz it is very expensive. And then i teach drums. I learnt metal drumming then... and teach double pedal techniques. I learnt as i taught. And as i teach, i learn. haha! And so i am stop playing for church cuz i thought i can't play in that context. Well, now i am playing again. Playing for God, you don't need to be good. You need to be true. Ok, i wish we could be more honest to each other. We can be good. But when everything is pointed towards me.. "it all depends on you." !!! I am not God. I won't know what you all want? If only God put someone in my shoe now. I hear a side of building up and a side of toning down! CRAZY! I usually do follow the instruction though... do whatever i want.. and i know it is horrible! Be honest! I still love her. It's hard to put down the things that have been tormenting me. I am quite certain no one will follow the reading till so far.. so it is time to be honest in me. Jiaxing is my name. Hahaha!
I can't love anymore i am hurt. So deep i am not loving. God i need your help to help me love again. Anyone. Terrible.
Okok. I am ok. Everything is fine in me. Pull back the curtain! I can't help it.
Ok to talk of being ok... i have to go back to my drums. You see i started my double pedal at the unmatched slow speed of 30bpm in quaver. still can't control.. and after learning that there are 3 levels to attain in double padling, i achieved the 3rd level of 180.. and today i was requested by Dean to try 200bpm at quaver speed in one leg at a time. I did it! haha! Amazing technique. So i blasted a blast beat. PoWer!
reh evol llits i. Anyway, sorry for anyone who want to read. I really take this place to spill. I really don't wanna affect anyone in anyway, spiritually, physically, emotionally.
Thats all Forks! Hahaha!
Monday, December 01, 2008
It don't have to be this way
Well i came to a conclusion.
All these things don't have to fall this way.
I may be terrible but i can't be terrible forever.
I may feel rejected but i won't if i open myself up and be willing to accept anything.
I may be prayerless but how much prayer for me can change the way i am.
I may be a christian.. but who force me to stay one?
I may not feel God, but why do i need to?
I may not be a great man.. but what's wrong staying a whimp?
Haha! I am terribly in need of a divine hand to pull me out of this quicksand. Haiz.
All these things don't have to fall this way.
I may be terrible but i can't be terrible forever.
I may feel rejected but i won't if i open myself up and be willing to accept anything.
I may be prayerless but how much prayer for me can change the way i am.
I may be a christian.. but who force me to stay one?
I may not feel God, but why do i need to?
I may not be a great man.. but what's wrong staying a whimp?
Haha! I am terribly in need of a divine hand to pull me out of this quicksand. Haiz.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Enough!
I am sick and tired of being a "christian"!
I am sick of going to cell and doing the church.
I am so sick of expecting something different to see nothing at all.
And the worse of all is the sickness of myself feeling so sick and disgusted at myself doing church and walking away getting nothing.
So bored of the sermon, so irritated of all that music, so hating myself for being in that place called Church. So sick of all the seriousness when no one seems to be on earth.. no one seems to understand.
No one wanna talk.. I care nothing much at all neither.
Finances, politics, world news, money money money, Love? Blaming, blaming, joking and blaming, it is not funny at all. Oo.
Ok What about me?
God, i am there dead like a rock... i don't talk and i don't want to talk.
I am rebelliously silent. I can't take all the "adult talk" as if i am one of the adult. I can't share any thoughts cuz i got none. I am not into jokes cuz they are not funny. I can't play cuz i am matured. I can't make any friends cuz i am not a friend. I can't get it. It is most true Jesus you are my only best friend, no doubt.
I am not complaining. I am not sad. I am just lonely God. I am just not accepted into the norm. I am so depressed always. Who will wanna come close to a heart that is always depressed? No one. But u.
I am down but i am not encouraged.. but i really feel really really lonely and afraid. I am down and when i see dissappointed looks for me.. i am worst. I don't want to play drums.. and i really feel threatened God..If i don't play, someone will be raised up to play. This sounds more threatening to me than encouraging.. and of course it will harden my rebellious heart NOT to PLAY.
And this will raise my pride.. cuz i said myself i don't want to play.. if i want to play again... it will look like i have lost the battle of rebellion. So i will never play. But in my heart.. I don't want to put your gift to waste as it eveporates from my hands. I don't know.. i am worse than terrible. But i don't want to be.
It is true i need encouragement.. i am down and i can't think rationally. And i am certain i won't be able to find any help from leaders or pastors or friends.. Who will wanna come near this depressed heart?
But you God. My best friend. I don't wanna go to church to do the church anymore. The hypocrite in me is long enough to disgust me. My spirit wants to be with you but my heart is rebelling. I know you are there.
Enough! I hate myself.
I am sick of going to cell and doing the church.
I am so sick of expecting something different to see nothing at all.
And the worse of all is the sickness of myself feeling so sick and disgusted at myself doing church and walking away getting nothing.
So bored of the sermon, so irritated of all that music, so hating myself for being in that place called Church. So sick of all the seriousness when no one seems to be on earth.. no one seems to understand.
No one wanna talk.. I care nothing much at all neither.
Finances, politics, world news, money money money, Love? Blaming, blaming, joking and blaming, it is not funny at all. Oo.
Ok What about me?
God, i am there dead like a rock... i don't talk and i don't want to talk.
I am rebelliously silent. I can't take all the "adult talk" as if i am one of the adult. I can't share any thoughts cuz i got none. I am not into jokes cuz they are not funny. I can't play cuz i am matured. I can't make any friends cuz i am not a friend. I can't get it. It is most true Jesus you are my only best friend, no doubt.
I am not complaining. I am not sad. I am just lonely God. I am just not accepted into the norm. I am so depressed always. Who will wanna come close to a heart that is always depressed? No one. But u.
I am down but i am not encouraged.. but i really feel really really lonely and afraid. I am down and when i see dissappointed looks for me.. i am worst. I don't want to play drums.. and i really feel threatened God..If i don't play, someone will be raised up to play. This sounds more threatening to me than encouraging.. and of course it will harden my rebellious heart NOT to PLAY.
And this will raise my pride.. cuz i said myself i don't want to play.. if i want to play again... it will look like i have lost the battle of rebellion. So i will never play. But in my heart.. I don't want to put your gift to waste as it eveporates from my hands. I don't know.. i am worse than terrible. But i don't want to be.
It is true i need encouragement.. i am down and i can't think rationally. And i am certain i won't be able to find any help from leaders or pastors or friends.. Who will wanna come near this depressed heart?
But you God. My best friend. I don't wanna go to church to do the church anymore. The hypocrite in me is long enough to disgust me. My spirit wants to be with you but my heart is rebelling. I know you are there.
Enough! I hate myself.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
My final exam.
Tomorrow is my final day of exam. I can't wait. But i know i have to do this.
I have no idea what can be tested and i don't really have resources to study.
So BEWARE. The followings will be my ranting .. on and on.. of the experiences through this course.
READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK.
here it goes.
My lecturer Mr Erwin Viray.
Lecture1,
What is Design? What is a Designer?
We discusses that everyone can be a designer. And there we are, comparing the clothing of a lady and a gentleman, Hafiz, in front of the lecture hall. haha. That was new to me.
Anyway, there is this Essay. "What is design?" by Victor Papanek.
He discussed the same topic of design but more detailed.
" All men are designers. All that we do.. design is the basic to all human being."
Now he carries on to discuss about Form vs Function where Frank Lloyd Wright stated that "form and functions are one" He agrees. And then classifies Function into 6 different aspects.. 1.method 2.use 3.telesis 4.need 5.aesthetic 6.association
The rest of the essay explains on these aspects.
Then comes the next essay.
Delirious New York, by Rem Koolhaas
Rem Koolhaas is a Dutch architect. In this essay by him, he is into the Paranoid Critical Method (PCM). He simply say it is "The conquest of the irrational".
However to Dali Salvador who first derived this PCM thing.. he says.. it is the spontaneous method of irrational knowledge based on the critical and systematic objectifications of delirious associations and interpretations..."
Carrying on in the essay, Kunsthal is introduced as an example of PCM.
Kunsthal is a museum designed by Rotterdam firm of Rem Koolhaas. Here is a part i won't understand without seeing it. There is a very detailed description of Kunsthal.
That eventually says that one can actualay imagine a spiral in 4 separate squares! Intriguing indeed. I hope i can do something like that... one can actually faint and vomit from the illusions by walking on a straight pathway back to the door of his house... Woo! Inevitably PCM at work here! Hahaha!
Ok now to Lecture 2.
Ok There is this email spam to my mail box.
It contains the information that constitute this talk.
A quote by Le Corbusier " Architecture if the masterly, correct and magnificent play of masses brought together in light. Our eyes are made to see forms in light.(sometimes i feel this is a little too obvious) light and shade reveal these forms.. cubes cones cylinder bla bla.. are the greatest primary form which light reveal to advantage.." To me.. Architecture consist of many forms.. which i can see when light falls into my eyes.. and then these forms are just what i need to play around with lego blocks.
This is interesting.. now.. Joseph Beuys.. He sculpts i guess. He is rather genius to me.
"My objects are to be seen as stimulants for the transformations of the idea of sculpture, or of art in general. They should provoke thoughts about what sculpture can be and how the concept of sculpting can be extended to the invisible materials used by everyone."
His sculpture ... scarily..
"That is why the nature of my sculpture is not fixed and finished. Processes continue in most of them: chemical reactions, Fermentations, color changes, decay, drying up. Everything is in a state of change."
I can't imagine going into the museum to experience the stench and see maggots crawling in one of Joseph Beuy's sculpture... i guess he don't mean this. I like his idea though. Reminds me of one of my paintings.. which i sent off without it drying up.. how i wish to see its state now... surely no maggots are on it.
Now lecture 3 put no impression on me.
However i would like to say of this famous Herzog De Meuron architecture firm.
Herzog de Meurom is a firm by Jacques Herzog and Pierre de Meuron. Now i recall falling asleep in this film on The "Tate Modern" museum in London. The giant Spider in the museum crawl its way into my dreams.. and i woke up with a little jerk. haha.
Anyway.. i know either Herzog of De Meuron or both of them said something about erecting the museum as if it is something that pops out of the earth.. they mix the stone gathered at that area into int concrete mix and "decorated" its facade with these stones and rocks. I would like to plant creepy crawliey plants on my own private house.. Just imagine SWAMP THING. Wahahah! Maybe a little nicer.
Lecture 4..
Another quote by Le Corbusier :" And suddenly you touched my heart and do me good. I am happay and i say, " This is beautiful". That is architecture. Art enters in.
Then the next person.. You guessed it Haha! Joseph Beuys.
Hey hey i like his idea here!
Joseph Beuys says that :" My main concern is for the transformation of substance, rather than the traditional aesthetics understanding of beautiful appearences. If creativity relates to the transformation, change and development of substances then it can be applied to everything in the world and is no longer restricted to art."
What is a substance to him? For me i will interprete it as the black thing that people call the venom. You sure have seen it consume spiderman and give him such power and irritation. No wonder it is a concern for Joseph Beuys. If the "substance" could make us more creative, so why not develop it in a factory and apply it to everyone, everything in the world. So.. now we have to sent out a mass search for "the substance". Haha.. i sure like Jacob Beuys.
Now there is this quote by lao Tzu
"way making being empty, you make use of it, but do not fill it up."
Oom... Emptiness.. rings in my head.. like Oomm... because it spells "C-O-C-O-N-U-T"
Ooom... Make use of me.. but just don't fill me up. Hahaha! I am so going to jail for being a coconut head. Pls no offence.. i am a real coconut head.. but i still respect all other teachings.
Ok.. Then this Japanese Designer i like too.
Kenya Hara!
He is the art director for Muji. And he is a communication designer. He writes a whole essay on "What is Design?" But before that.. i have to go through the 53 minutes of hypnotising by Kenya Hara cuz i don't understand a thing. But I think i got the whole gist of the hypnotising method- "EMPTINESS.. emptiness.."
In F*c*, his accent is so strong i keep getting the wrong meaning. I recall this... "With the wind, they fly over the mountain forest, and the small villages, and yet they are also deep within the sea... and the Ass as well."
I tot i heard wrongly.. but i still can't figure out what is the replacement word for Ass.
Here is the youtube. Around 5:28, help me hear what is the word pls.
Man, enough for lectures.. i like this part of the film called
The way things go.
By Peter Fischli
So cool lor. I also wanna try something like that. Seems like i am easily influenced. Yes i am.
Ok then another film By... who?
I forgot who is the camera man.. he is interesting. But he shoots on Yoji Yamamoto.
Yoji Yamamoto is a fashion designer based in tokyo.
I have no idea what can be tested and i don't really have resources to study.
So BEWARE. The followings will be my ranting .. on and on.. of the experiences through this course.
READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK.
here it goes.
My lecturer Mr Erwin Viray.
Lecture1,
What is Design? What is a Designer?
We discusses that everyone can be a designer. And there we are, comparing the clothing of a lady and a gentleman, Hafiz, in front of the lecture hall. haha. That was new to me.
Anyway, there is this Essay. "What is design?" by Victor Papanek.
He discussed the same topic of design but more detailed.
" All men are designers. All that we do.. design is the basic to all human being."
Now he carries on to discuss about Form vs Function where Frank Lloyd Wright stated that "form and functions are one" He agrees. And then classifies Function into 6 different aspects.. 1.method 2.use 3.telesis 4.need 5.aesthetic 6.association
The rest of the essay explains on these aspects.
Then comes the next essay.
Delirious New York, by Rem Koolhaas
Rem Koolhaas is a Dutch architect. In this essay by him, he is into the Paranoid Critical Method (PCM). He simply say it is "The conquest of the irrational".
However to Dali Salvador who first derived this PCM thing.. he says.. it is the spontaneous method of irrational knowledge based on the critical and systematic objectifications of delirious associations and interpretations..."
Carrying on in the essay, Kunsthal is introduced as an example of PCM.
Kunsthal is a museum designed by Rotterdam firm of Rem Koolhaas. Here is a part i won't understand without seeing it. There is a very detailed description of Kunsthal.
That eventually says that one can actualay imagine a spiral in 4 separate squares! Intriguing indeed. I hope i can do something like that... one can actually faint and vomit from the illusions by walking on a straight pathway back to the door of his house... Woo! Inevitably PCM at work here! Hahaha!
Ok now to Lecture 2.
Ok There is this email spam to my mail box.
It contains the information that constitute this talk.
A quote by Le Corbusier " Architecture if the masterly, correct and magnificent play of masses brought together in light. Our eyes are made to see forms in light.(sometimes i feel this is a little too obvious) light and shade reveal these forms.. cubes cones cylinder bla bla.. are the greatest primary form which light reveal to advantage.." To me.. Architecture consist of many forms.. which i can see when light falls into my eyes.. and then these forms are just what i need to play around with lego blocks.
This is interesting.. now.. Joseph Beuys.. He sculpts i guess. He is rather genius to me.
"My objects are to be seen as stimulants for the transformations of the idea of sculpture, or of art in general. They should provoke thoughts about what sculpture can be and how the concept of sculpting can be extended to the invisible materials used by everyone."
His sculpture ... scarily..
"That is why the nature of my sculpture is not fixed and finished. Processes continue in most of them: chemical reactions, Fermentations, color changes, decay, drying up. Everything is in a state of change."
I can't imagine going into the museum to experience the stench and see maggots crawling in one of Joseph Beuy's sculpture... i guess he don't mean this. I like his idea though. Reminds me of one of my paintings.. which i sent off without it drying up.. how i wish to see its state now... surely no maggots are on it.
Now lecture 3 put no impression on me.
However i would like to say of this famous Herzog De Meuron architecture firm.
Herzog de Meurom is a firm by Jacques Herzog and Pierre de Meuron. Now i recall falling asleep in this film on The "Tate Modern" museum in London. The giant Spider in the museum crawl its way into my dreams.. and i woke up with a little jerk. haha.
Anyway.. i know either Herzog of De Meuron or both of them said something about erecting the museum as if it is something that pops out of the earth.. they mix the stone gathered at that area into int concrete mix and "decorated" its facade with these stones and rocks. I would like to plant creepy crawliey plants on my own private house.. Just imagine SWAMP THING. Wahahah! Maybe a little nicer.
Lecture 4..
Another quote by Le Corbusier :" And suddenly you touched my heart and do me good. I am happay and i say, " This is beautiful". That is architecture. Art enters in.
Then the next person.. You guessed it Haha! Joseph Beuys.
Hey hey i like his idea here!
Joseph Beuys says that :" My main concern is for the transformation of substance, rather than the traditional aesthetics understanding of beautiful appearences. If creativity relates to the transformation, change and development of substances then it can be applied to everything in the world and is no longer restricted to art."
What is a substance to him? For me i will interprete it as the black thing that people call the venom. You sure have seen it consume spiderman and give him such power and irritation. No wonder it is a concern for Joseph Beuys. If the "substance" could make us more creative, so why not develop it in a factory and apply it to everyone, everything in the world. So.. now we have to sent out a mass search for "the substance". Haha.. i sure like Jacob Beuys.
Now there is this quote by lao Tzu
"way making being empty, you make use of it, but do not fill it up."
Oom... Emptiness.. rings in my head.. like Oomm... because it spells "C-O-C-O-N-U-T"
Ooom... Make use of me.. but just don't fill me up. Hahaha! I am so going to jail for being a coconut head. Pls no offence.. i am a real coconut head.. but i still respect all other teachings.
Ok.. Then this Japanese Designer i like too.
Kenya Hara!
He is the art director for Muji. And he is a communication designer. He writes a whole essay on "What is Design?" But before that.. i have to go through the 53 minutes of hypnotising by Kenya Hara cuz i don't understand a thing. But I think i got the whole gist of the hypnotising method- "EMPTINESS.. emptiness.."
In F*c*, his accent is so strong i keep getting the wrong meaning. I recall this... "With the wind, they fly over the mountain forest, and the small villages, and yet they are also deep within the sea... and the Ass as well."
I tot i heard wrongly.. but i still can't figure out what is the replacement word for Ass.
Here is the youtube. Around 5:28, help me hear what is the word pls.
Man, enough for lectures.. i like this part of the film called
The way things go.
By Peter Fischli
So cool lor. I also wanna try something like that. Seems like i am easily influenced. Yes i am.
Ok then another film By... who?
I forgot who is the camera man.. he is interesting. But he shoots on Yoji Yamamoto.
Yoji Yamamoto is a fashion designer based in tokyo.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Drums
Drums like any other instruments has a story behind it.
Since i dream of being a drummer, i guess one day i will have to know
Y drums are what they are now.
Of course i won't want to bore myself with prehistoric caveman drumming on their logs.
I will Start with a man who has great influence on the development of modern drums.
Gene Krupa (1909 - 1973):
Gene Krupa was born in Chicago, Illinois.
Gene started out playing sax in grade school but took up drums at age 11 since they were the cheapest item in the music store where he and his brother worked. "I used to look in their wholesale catalog for a musical instrument - piano, trombone, cornet - I didn't care what it was as long as it was an instrument. The cheapest item was the drums, 16 beans, I think, for a set of Japanese drums; a great high, wide bass drum, with a brass cymbal on it, a wood block and a snare drum." - drummerworld.com
" Gene is considered the father of the modern drumset since he convinced H.H. Slingerland, to make tuneable tom-toms. Tom-toms up to that point had "tacked" heads, which left little ability to change the sound. The new drum design was introduced in 1936 and was termed "Seperate Tension Tunable Tom-Toms." Krupa was called on by Avedis Zildjian to help with developing the modern hi-hat cymbals. The original hi-hat was called a "low-boy" which was a floor level cymbal setup which was played with the foot. This arrangement made it nearly impossible for stick playing. Gene's first recording session was a historical one. It occured in December of 1927 when he is noted to be the first drummer to record with a bass drum." - drummerworld.com
Gene's classic performance on "Sing Sing Sing" has been heralded as the first extended drum solo in jazz.
Drum Boogie:
The "boogie" represented everything that Krupa was as a soloist, technician, melodist, drummer-for-dancers, dramatist and crowd pleaser. It begins with the familiar Krupa "dotted- quarter" note pattern of ringing rim shots on the snare drum,
progresssed to triplets on the snare and later tom tom accents almost as if he were going to introduce listerners to every technique one by one, buids in volume and complexity to a fever pitch, suddenly drop down to an incredibly soft volume while still continuing the triplet pattern, and finally build up to a shattering climax of 32nd note, single stroke roll, replete with more tom-toms and cymbal crashings. All the while the bass drum beat '1-2-3-4'. - World of Gene Krupa by Bruce H. Klauber.
Gene Krupa and Buddy Rich Drum Battle
I know i can't cover all the drummers, but i would like to show a few more drummers worth noting. Maybe i might go into all the legendary drummers one by one when i am that free. Hahaha!
Anyway to me, Gene Krupa has got this power in his playing and his prominent so called "Gene Krupa style" of ringing rimshots and buzz rolls are worth noting.
Buddy rich(1917-1987):
He is an American Jazz drummer well known for his virtuoso technique and fast hands.
Said to be the best Drummer that ever lived. Very famous for the stick tricks he does, and very much evolved to virtuosic stick tricks done by Jo Jo Mayer.
The left hand technique is something intriguing. Wonderous actually, of how he is able to do such kind of articulated fast roll with one hand and incorporate accents using right hand. At this moment, i am going to take on this challenge to get it...
Since i dream of being a drummer, i guess one day i will have to know
Y drums are what they are now.
Of course i won't want to bore myself with prehistoric caveman drumming on their logs.
I will Start with a man who has great influence on the development of modern drums.
Gene Krupa (1909 - 1973):
Gene Krupa was born in Chicago, Illinois.
Gene started out playing sax in grade school but took up drums at age 11 since they were the cheapest item in the music store where he and his brother worked. "I used to look in their wholesale catalog for a musical instrument - piano, trombone, cornet - I didn't care what it was as long as it was an instrument. The cheapest item was the drums, 16 beans, I think, for a set of Japanese drums; a great high, wide bass drum, with a brass cymbal on it, a wood block and a snare drum." - drummerworld.com
" Gene is considered the father of the modern drumset since he convinced H.H. Slingerland, to make tuneable tom-toms. Tom-toms up to that point had "tacked" heads, which left little ability to change the sound. The new drum design was introduced in 1936 and was termed "Seperate Tension Tunable Tom-Toms." Krupa was called on by Avedis Zildjian to help with developing the modern hi-hat cymbals. The original hi-hat was called a "low-boy" which was a floor level cymbal setup which was played with the foot. This arrangement made it nearly impossible for stick playing. Gene's first recording session was a historical one. It occured in December of 1927 when he is noted to be the first drummer to record with a bass drum." - drummerworld.com
Gene's classic performance on "Sing Sing Sing" has been heralded as the first extended drum solo in jazz.
Drum Boogie:
The "boogie" represented everything that Krupa was as a soloist, technician, melodist, drummer-for-dancers, dramatist and crowd pleaser. It begins with the familiar Krupa "dotted- quarter" note pattern of ringing rim shots on the snare drum,
progresssed to triplets on the snare and later tom tom accents almost as if he were going to introduce listerners to every technique one by one, buids in volume and complexity to a fever pitch, suddenly drop down to an incredibly soft volume while still continuing the triplet pattern, and finally build up to a shattering climax of 32nd note, single stroke roll, replete with more tom-toms and cymbal crashings. All the while the bass drum beat '1-2-3-4'. - World of Gene Krupa by Bruce H. Klauber.
Gene Krupa and Buddy Rich Drum Battle
I know i can't cover all the drummers, but i would like to show a few more drummers worth noting. Maybe i might go into all the legendary drummers one by one when i am that free. Hahaha!
Anyway to me, Gene Krupa has got this power in his playing and his prominent so called "Gene Krupa style" of ringing rimshots and buzz rolls are worth noting.
Buddy rich(1917-1987):
He is an American Jazz drummer well known for his virtuoso technique and fast hands.
Said to be the best Drummer that ever lived. Very famous for the stick tricks he does, and very much evolved to virtuosic stick tricks done by Jo Jo Mayer.
The left hand technique is something intriguing. Wonderous actually, of how he is able to do such kind of articulated fast roll with one hand and incorporate accents using right hand. At this moment, i am going to take on this challenge to get it...
Friday, October 03, 2008
Lonely
I am sure someone on earth has ever felt the same as i do.
So many things happened in the day, and all i need is someone physical
to talk to and share my feelings.
That someone will be my blog. Seriously, i am thinking who on earth will wanna hear me rant on and on about all my ideas, yet on the other hand, I myself will really want to hear what ideas i once had in my life. It will be a real waste not to journal it down.
A gradual flood of lonelines. As years pass, i gradually draw really far from everyone else. Even the closest friends. My handphone can be left untouched for years only to realise miss call from mummy.. must be the usual question, "coming home to eat?" sms, will be for projects and work. Except for Wee Siang who ask me out for a buddy lunch or maybe just meeting up.
Y?
Cuz i am rather passive. A flat battery. Sorrow... Sob.. sob... talk to me pls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, my deprived social life aside.
I am starting to miss band. The feeling of being part of a whole. A small triangle *plink* in the mdist of flutist. A loud "BOOM!!" out of the deafening silence. A groove in the song. A idleist(someone who idle around) among the business (busy-ness).
Well today, alot of rhythms fell onto my head. I was thinking about them all the way to school. And interestingly i can't remember any now.
While i was on my way home. This idea came to me.
To really play any rhythm i hear, i must first categorise it.
1) Linear rhythm - where the beats talk without interupting each other.
2) Polyrhythm - where beats interact with each other.
And what is the use of Linear rhythm?
They are clean. Understandable. They are even used to speed up a polyrhythm groove by abstracting it down. Just imagine, in primary school when each student pick one sentence of the whole story to read. We can hear the whole story and at the same time feel different expression by each unique pupil. Or even better example... Passing baton in a 800m race.
Polyrhythm?
Of course to convey a feeling with the interaction of fast and slow beats. A constant fast beat over a constant slow thud will makes us feel rush or paniky. Busy rhythm(not necessary fast) over a constant throbbing bass will makes us dancy. Crashing first 2 notes of a Triplet over a quaver will be a like an unexpected heart attack! Fast Unison constant beat is like taking a deep breath before jumping down a Majestic cliff. African drummers are much better at these polyrhythms and i must say some of theirs are breathtaking! So excited that you can't scream!
I was thinking of adding rhythmic modulation after a groove. But the thing is i can't do it alone without affecting the flow of the big part of the music, unless everyone modulates together, it will be as good as drumming out of beat.
But Y modulate? I have no idea too. I was thinking, Rhythms are arranged so strictly in time that to hasten it, the smallest jump will be 32th of a chrochet beat, if it is in 4/4. Unless, they put accel. and we hasten at our own pleasure. Hahaha! To be evil, time modulation can allow composers to hasten his/her music without using accel. but producing Strict timming of hastening according to the tempo!
This i am sure is already in use by really... perfectionist composers.. i guess. Especially composers who are pianist.
Talking about time, every thing that we play are in sync with time flow. Time always go forward. Tomorrow cannot be today. Neither can today be yesterday. There is only one way in human history to time travel and play something of the past. Play it through mp3! HAhaha! Let me be lame for a while la. Hahaha!
Anyway, i once heard rhythm will be the last thing in your brain to go off when your harddisk crash! It is something related with your brain storage of rhythm, and also it is one of the most early part to develop.
So if one day my head crash into something, i do hope i still can play drum even though i may forget my name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to my day,
I miss my sticks so much today and i was brimming with an urge to bang out those things in my head that i alighted at douby ghaut(NEL) instead of hougang(NEL). So i went PS yamaha. There are so many sticks... and most important of all, there is a nice practice pad, the shop was nice and quiet too. So i picked up the All sorts of sticks to try.
The "new technology" of anti vibration in stick is not really obvious to the feel, but i can say it is comfortable when you bang it using wrist. But if you play fast runs with free strokes, i can say, no difference. Cuz i was thinking, may be the stick catch all the rebound for the free stroke, there won't be any energy left to vibrate.
And after today i came up with a few realisations of stick feel.
Round tip - easier bounce very strong rebound.
flat tip - fairly strong vibration, and you can be very lyrical with this.
no tip/Hard Rock - The vibrations reaches your bones! weak rebound. Mainly for POWER!
Thin neck - feels lightning fast, tendency to forget that your hand exist.
Heavy sticks - good control over dynamics.
Light sticks - fast but less control over the dynamics no Power.
Rubber padding - Feels good, won't affect much.
So i was in Yamaha for 1 hour 45 minutes trying the sticks, helping to put the poor misplaced sticks back to their own kind. Well no one stop me. I tot i have to be there for the sticks. Haha! Crazy i am. But, I felt responsible for once!
But there is another reason i am there for so long! I don't want to be squeezed in the 6pm MRT crowd. So i wait till 8pm to take train.
So i practiced my strokes. As usual, i will not miss out my triplet integrated into paradiddle. Tats my own cocktail of rhythm. haha! And then i work on it. Then i try the moller technique, something i still havn't gotten after practicing 1 year. I think something's wrong, just donno what. Then my swiss army triplet, a nostalgic JC1 discovery when i felt so slack and just wanna let my hands bounce.. Then TADA, Swiss Army triplet! Then 5 stroke roll, 6 stroke roll. And Swiss roll! Haha! Tats a cake.
A secret for increasing speed. Use heavy sticks, to play single stroke roll. Then light sticks.
A secret for control, use your arm and wrist and finger simultaneously at the right time. If got time i should write a book on this cuz i didn't realise till very late, only if i knew eariler. Tats y it is always good to have a teacher. I need one too.
And then, i heard this guy doing a double bass groove. Then a Thomas lang blast beat!
I was trying to catch all the beats of the groove, only to realise i can't. All i knew was, it is a linear pattern, until blast beat, a simple polyrhythm done very fast. I caught blast beat but i can't do it as fast.. Ah i practice maybe i can. All the time i had for drums is to think of it, seldom play it. So i hear well, i play lousily.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope to be there again next friday to practice my strokes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God, tell me my calling. Help me to be nice and true to people. I am lonely, let me hear you again lest i get lost in my own drum world.
So many things happened in the day, and all i need is someone physical
to talk to and share my feelings.
That someone will be my blog. Seriously, i am thinking who on earth will wanna hear me rant on and on about all my ideas, yet on the other hand, I myself will really want to hear what ideas i once had in my life. It will be a real waste not to journal it down.
A gradual flood of lonelines. As years pass, i gradually draw really far from everyone else. Even the closest friends. My handphone can be left untouched for years only to realise miss call from mummy.. must be the usual question, "coming home to eat?" sms, will be for projects and work. Except for Wee Siang who ask me out for a buddy lunch or maybe just meeting up.
Y?
Cuz i am rather passive. A flat battery. Sorrow... Sob.. sob... talk to me pls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, my deprived social life aside.
I am starting to miss band. The feeling of being part of a whole. A small triangle *plink* in the mdist of flutist. A loud "BOOM!!" out of the deafening silence. A groove in the song. A idleist(someone who idle around) among the business (busy-ness).
Well today, alot of rhythms fell onto my head. I was thinking about them all the way to school. And interestingly i can't remember any now.
While i was on my way home. This idea came to me.
To really play any rhythm i hear, i must first categorise it.
1) Linear rhythm - where the beats talk without interupting each other.
2) Polyrhythm - where beats interact with each other.
And what is the use of Linear rhythm?
They are clean. Understandable. They are even used to speed up a polyrhythm groove by abstracting it down. Just imagine, in primary school when each student pick one sentence of the whole story to read. We can hear the whole story and at the same time feel different expression by each unique pupil. Or even better example... Passing baton in a 800m race.
Polyrhythm?
Of course to convey a feeling with the interaction of fast and slow beats. A constant fast beat over a constant slow thud will makes us feel rush or paniky. Busy rhythm(not necessary fast) over a constant throbbing bass will makes us dancy. Crashing first 2 notes of a Triplet over a quaver will be a like an unexpected heart attack! Fast Unison constant beat is like taking a deep breath before jumping down a Majestic cliff. African drummers are much better at these polyrhythms and i must say some of theirs are breathtaking! So excited that you can't scream!
I was thinking of adding rhythmic modulation after a groove. But the thing is i can't do it alone without affecting the flow of the big part of the music, unless everyone modulates together, it will be as good as drumming out of beat.
But Y modulate? I have no idea too. I was thinking, Rhythms are arranged so strictly in time that to hasten it, the smallest jump will be 32th of a chrochet beat, if it is in 4/4. Unless, they put accel. and we hasten at our own pleasure. Hahaha! To be evil, time modulation can allow composers to hasten his/her music without using accel. but producing Strict timming of hastening according to the tempo!
This i am sure is already in use by really... perfectionist composers.. i guess. Especially composers who are pianist.
Talking about time, every thing that we play are in sync with time flow. Time always go forward. Tomorrow cannot be today. Neither can today be yesterday. There is only one way in human history to time travel and play something of the past. Play it through mp3! HAhaha! Let me be lame for a while la. Hahaha!
Anyway, i once heard rhythm will be the last thing in your brain to go off when your harddisk crash! It is something related with your brain storage of rhythm, and also it is one of the most early part to develop.
So if one day my head crash into something, i do hope i still can play drum even though i may forget my name.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to my day,
I miss my sticks so much today and i was brimming with an urge to bang out those things in my head that i alighted at douby ghaut(NEL) instead of hougang(NEL). So i went PS yamaha. There are so many sticks... and most important of all, there is a nice practice pad, the shop was nice and quiet too. So i picked up the All sorts of sticks to try.
The "new technology" of anti vibration in stick is not really obvious to the feel, but i can say it is comfortable when you bang it using wrist. But if you play fast runs with free strokes, i can say, no difference. Cuz i was thinking, may be the stick catch all the rebound for the free stroke, there won't be any energy left to vibrate.
And after today i came up with a few realisations of stick feel.
Round tip - easier bounce very strong rebound.
flat tip - fairly strong vibration, and you can be very lyrical with this.
no tip/Hard Rock - The vibrations reaches your bones! weak rebound. Mainly for POWER!
Thin neck - feels lightning fast, tendency to forget that your hand exist.
Heavy sticks - good control over dynamics.
Light sticks - fast but less control over the dynamics no Power.
Rubber padding - Feels good, won't affect much.
So i was in Yamaha for 1 hour 45 minutes trying the sticks, helping to put the poor misplaced sticks back to their own kind. Well no one stop me. I tot i have to be there for the sticks. Haha! Crazy i am. But, I felt responsible for once!
But there is another reason i am there for so long! I don't want to be squeezed in the 6pm MRT crowd. So i wait till 8pm to take train.
So i practiced my strokes. As usual, i will not miss out my triplet integrated into paradiddle. Tats my own cocktail of rhythm. haha! And then i work on it. Then i try the moller technique, something i still havn't gotten after practicing 1 year. I think something's wrong, just donno what. Then my swiss army triplet, a nostalgic JC1 discovery when i felt so slack and just wanna let my hands bounce.. Then TADA, Swiss Army triplet! Then 5 stroke roll, 6 stroke roll. And Swiss roll! Haha! Tats a cake.
A secret for increasing speed. Use heavy sticks, to play single stroke roll. Then light sticks.
A secret for control, use your arm and wrist and finger simultaneously at the right time. If got time i should write a book on this cuz i didn't realise till very late, only if i knew eariler. Tats y it is always good to have a teacher. I need one too.
And then, i heard this guy doing a double bass groove. Then a Thomas lang blast beat!
I was trying to catch all the beats of the groove, only to realise i can't. All i knew was, it is a linear pattern, until blast beat, a simple polyrhythm done very fast. I caught blast beat but i can't do it as fast.. Ah i practice maybe i can. All the time i had for drums is to think of it, seldom play it. So i hear well, i play lousily.
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I hope to be there again next friday to practice my strokes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God, tell me my calling. Help me to be nice and true to people. I am lonely, let me hear you again lest i get lost in my own drum world.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Learning guitar again...
My fingers have been taking a long break. Amazingly they are not getting fat. Just like i am not getting fat even without moving, instead the opposite is happening. I can estimate by the rate my weight drop, i might vanish from earth in 6 months time.
Anyway a long time since i put my tots to words. Lots of things happen. Well my status now is NUS student! I kinda like it, sounds nerdy enuf to suit me.
Architecture was.. CRAZY!(End of story)
I tried to join certain CCA which i like, by rank.. Jazz band, Voices, rock band.. i didn't get into any, for a reason or two.. Jazz band cuz i can't commit my time... it is on saturday i got cell group. Voices cuz i can't sing. Rock i have no idea y! But thank God, this rock guitar band sounds rather satanic.. ask me whether i would play satanic metal songs after knowing i am a christian. I said "NO!" for God's sake. So... ... I ended up in Ge Yao! As a... Drummer?... I don't know i might learn and play bass guitar... then one day i will be able to play for church, more of for God! If He allows me to. *ponders*
So, i am in Ge Yao. A chinese POP band. As a drummer. I wack like never before, and i was rather soft... then i realize, i have to turn up the volume of the electronic drum..-_-!!! I don't like electronic drums though.. what is the meaning of playing electronic drums when drum machines can sound better... there is no.. bond... *sloppishly drag my stick across the rubber heads.* Meaningless... *zzz...*
The practice room is hot like Sauna! Raining sweat is a common phenomenon. Yucks!
Anyway, there is this girl, Jamie. I told her i have been wanting to learn guitar. Well, i said next time when she is free she can give me a few tips. Wow she said... "Why not now!" I was happy. So i stole 1 guitar out of the room! Eventually she got one guitar out too. So she reviewed what i know.. chords, scales, notes on the guitar... ok i know quite something for a self taught guitarist. So she carried on and introduced the CAGED system!!! A mystery i have never solved!!! I was happy finally i am going to know it!
So the CAGED system is revealed.. in less than 15.5 seconds. She show me a EMajor chord.. And then point out the 3 E notes in the chord.. then show me a pentatonic scale derived from it. Tada! I see Light!!! (not that i was going to faint from information overload)I see Light in how to TEAR DOWN the guitar fretboard!!! I said what i need to say.. "COOL!" *wide eyes*. WAHAHA was her reply.
So next she taught me how to bend the string, then a common lick, then a trill using forefinger! Man i have always wanted to do all these tricks! And she commented a common mistake of my pinky finger becoming stiff. WAHAHA was her comment!
-_-!!!
Well, Hahaha, I have never in my life hear anyone laugh as loud as her! Cute. Tats just a comment, no futher tots in my heart. Well, i must compliment her patience and powerful guitar teaching skill. I tot only if someone could reveal this 15.5 seconds of secret to me earlier.. anyway i got it.
So when i was on my way home, i derived out all the 5 patterns of the CAGED system on my black sketch book. I sit back and exclaimed!! "God what wonderful systematic brains you gave humans!" This systematic fretboard pattern will be a wonderfu launch pad for creative expression of music.
Anyway, a word about learning... i realise the importance to "learn how to learn". Learn about the ways humans learn and realise your best way. I realise my way was to practice learning more.. Anyway i am curious about so many things and how it works.
Elim once asked me on MRT.. Y you suddenly wanna sing, then guitar, then piano. *I know she might be thinking i am thinking she is thinking i am fickle minded.* Read slowly and get it... don't misunderstand my point. So since i am not fickle minded... i must clarify!
My parents will never get it... Anyway, there is a difference between these 2. A baby playing with an interesting toy and tossing it out of sight forever vs a baby playing with an interesting toy and then then exploring it day after day, leaving it at times when the problem gets unsolved and certainly getting back to it latter on.
Same as my younger brother elploring his cheap binoculars on certain mornings opening it and closing it back... i have no idea what's his problem. It is simple as a binoculars... I look through it.. ok.. 5X view.. so what. Even wanting to tell him not to waste his time. Haha. Anyway i will never konw y is he so curious about binoculars. Up till now he still does it.
So y guitar, y piano, y not just my drums? I don't know what is keeping me so curious about them and i just wanna explore more about them everyday. Sadly, to define it as a passion is too late. Maybe it will be a passion without talent. Its totally fine with me, and i am just exploring what i want to... not exploring because i need to ace the grades.. i can say i am sick of this attitude of learning not for the sake of learning, but for grades and then "good paying jobs". Money money.. money. Hack what ever money. Till the day that i understand why money brings glory... i Hack wat is the purpose of wanting to be rich.
First apologise if i offend any rich people.. but get me point. What i don't like is the "WANT to be rich" attitude... not the rich people. Sometimes, the idea of.."you are what you want to be!" isn't true.. some people are born rich can't help.
I am born rather rich too, well can't help, Thank God for it. And i won't want to be any richer if it means the suffering of others.. poor souls. Haiz... Politics.. if politics were more honest and up front as what they are.
Well, i think i would rather watch disney productions than care anything about politics.
Unless... I have the power to change it.. and what gives me the power in this world? Money! And what i dislike? The "Want to be rich!" So since i won't be rich as i don't want to be.. i hope someone rich do something important. Anyway its ok.. To ease this ugly sight of human greed... including myself... i know just look up.. or maybe look down... close my eyes and know that He knows. More people need to know that when all else fails, He knows.. Well, i hope to share my hope in God with someone who feels hopeless... maybe as hopeless as i feel towards this world.
Anyway a long time since i put my tots to words. Lots of things happen. Well my status now is NUS student! I kinda like it, sounds nerdy enuf to suit me.
Architecture was.. CRAZY!(End of story)
I tried to join certain CCA which i like, by rank.. Jazz band, Voices, rock band.. i didn't get into any, for a reason or two.. Jazz band cuz i can't commit my time... it is on saturday i got cell group. Voices cuz i can't sing. Rock i have no idea y! But thank God, this rock guitar band sounds rather satanic.. ask me whether i would play satanic metal songs after knowing i am a christian. I said "NO!" for God's sake. So... ... I ended up in Ge Yao! As a... Drummer?... I don't know i might learn and play bass guitar... then one day i will be able to play for church, more of for God! If He allows me to. *ponders*
So, i am in Ge Yao. A chinese POP band. As a drummer. I wack like never before, and i was rather soft... then i realize, i have to turn up the volume of the electronic drum..-_-!!! I don't like electronic drums though.. what is the meaning of playing electronic drums when drum machines can sound better... there is no.. bond... *sloppishly drag my stick across the rubber heads.* Meaningless... *zzz...*
The practice room is hot like Sauna! Raining sweat is a common phenomenon. Yucks!
Anyway, there is this girl, Jamie. I told her i have been wanting to learn guitar. Well, i said next time when she is free she can give me a few tips. Wow she said... "Why not now!" I was happy. So i stole 1 guitar out of the room! Eventually she got one guitar out too. So she reviewed what i know.. chords, scales, notes on the guitar... ok i know quite something for a self taught guitarist. So she carried on and introduced the CAGED system!!! A mystery i have never solved!!! I was happy finally i am going to know it!
So the CAGED system is revealed.. in less than 15.5 seconds. She show me a EMajor chord.. And then point out the 3 E notes in the chord.. then show me a pentatonic scale derived from it. Tada! I see Light!!! (not that i was going to faint from information overload)I see Light in how to TEAR DOWN the guitar fretboard!!! I said what i need to say.. "COOL!" *wide eyes*. WAHAHA was her reply.
So next she taught me how to bend the string, then a common lick, then a trill using forefinger! Man i have always wanted to do all these tricks! And she commented a common mistake of my pinky finger becoming stiff. WAHAHA was her comment!
-_-!!!
Well, Hahaha, I have never in my life hear anyone laugh as loud as her! Cute. Tats just a comment, no futher tots in my heart. Well, i must compliment her patience and powerful guitar teaching skill. I tot only if someone could reveal this 15.5 seconds of secret to me earlier.. anyway i got it.
So when i was on my way home, i derived out all the 5 patterns of the CAGED system on my black sketch book. I sit back and exclaimed!! "God what wonderful systematic brains you gave humans!" This systematic fretboard pattern will be a wonderfu launch pad for creative expression of music.
Anyway, a word about learning... i realise the importance to "learn how to learn". Learn about the ways humans learn and realise your best way. I realise my way was to practice learning more.. Anyway i am curious about so many things and how it works.
Elim once asked me on MRT.. Y you suddenly wanna sing, then guitar, then piano. *I know she might be thinking i am thinking she is thinking i am fickle minded.* Read slowly and get it... don't misunderstand my point. So since i am not fickle minded... i must clarify!
My parents will never get it... Anyway, there is a difference between these 2. A baby playing with an interesting toy and tossing it out of sight forever vs a baby playing with an interesting toy and then then exploring it day after day, leaving it at times when the problem gets unsolved and certainly getting back to it latter on.
Same as my younger brother elploring his cheap binoculars on certain mornings opening it and closing it back... i have no idea what's his problem. It is simple as a binoculars... I look through it.. ok.. 5X view.. so what. Even wanting to tell him not to waste his time. Haha. Anyway i will never konw y is he so curious about binoculars. Up till now he still does it.
So y guitar, y piano, y not just my drums? I don't know what is keeping me so curious about them and i just wanna explore more about them everyday. Sadly, to define it as a passion is too late. Maybe it will be a passion without talent. Its totally fine with me, and i am just exploring what i want to... not exploring because i need to ace the grades.. i can say i am sick of this attitude of learning not for the sake of learning, but for grades and then "good paying jobs". Money money.. money. Hack what ever money. Till the day that i understand why money brings glory... i Hack wat is the purpose of wanting to be rich.
First apologise if i offend any rich people.. but get me point. What i don't like is the "WANT to be rich" attitude... not the rich people. Sometimes, the idea of.."you are what you want to be!" isn't true.. some people are born rich can't help.
I am born rather rich too, well can't help, Thank God for it. And i won't want to be any richer if it means the suffering of others.. poor souls. Haiz... Politics.. if politics were more honest and up front as what they are.
Well, i think i would rather watch disney productions than care anything about politics.
Unless... I have the power to change it.. and what gives me the power in this world? Money! And what i dislike? The "Want to be rich!" So since i won't be rich as i don't want to be.. i hope someone rich do something important. Anyway its ok.. To ease this ugly sight of human greed... including myself... i know just look up.. or maybe look down... close my eyes and know that He knows. More people need to know that when all else fails, He knows.. Well, i hope to share my hope in God with someone who feels hopeless... maybe as hopeless as i feel towards this world.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
There is no place i can be as honest
Truly i am dying inside to get away from all form of pretense.
Ever since i was born, what i am made to do has two purposes to it.
First is for survival, second is to appease the Giant of whom i call "Public".
In layman terms, what i do is first determined by mortal needs
and next is to conform to the world of how things should be perceived.
Nothing means more than living like who i am.
In no way of expressing anything to oppose myself.
In this lustful world, money and fame dangerously attract many to its glamor.
Money is nothing without the resources it can purchase.
Power of fame is nothing if its influence is not at all beneficial to mankind,
such powerful individuals are mere control freaks.
Anyway, i am happy as i am.. passing by this generation of humans and
happy to leave it without a trace.
Sometimes people say, you must first be the change you want to see in the world.
I see there needs to be a change, but i am uselessly unmotivated and disgusted
by the zeal of the Giants whose motives i do not agree with.
... i am not finished yet.
Ever since i was born, what i am made to do has two purposes to it.
First is for survival, second is to appease the Giant of whom i call "Public".
In layman terms, what i do is first determined by mortal needs
and next is to conform to the world of how things should be perceived.
Nothing means more than living like who i am.
In no way of expressing anything to oppose myself.
In this lustful world, money and fame dangerously attract many to its glamor.
Money is nothing without the resources it can purchase.
Power of fame is nothing if its influence is not at all beneficial to mankind,
such powerful individuals are mere control freaks.
Anyway, i am happy as i am.. passing by this generation of humans and
happy to leave it without a trace.
Sometimes people say, you must first be the change you want to see in the world.
I see there needs to be a change, but i am uselessly unmotivated and disgusted
by the zeal of the Giants whose motives i do not agree with.
... i am not finished yet.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Starting School
"Architecture is the art of wasting space". quoted -someone.
School starts next week.
And i have bought all that is necessary.
Really expensive. The set of drawing pen alone cost me $59!
And 4 other tips at $29 each.
Pok liao.
Still got a laptop on the way at $2106.
And i went around looking for a book..
only to find it at $89 in popular..
I decided not to get it. So many books to read up..
I will just sit in library i guess.
I have no idea y i need a paper half my body length for my
first lesson on monday.
I can fold a paper crane that can carry me to the sky! Hahaha!
Hope i will put this paper to good use.
I got out the pencil set Crystal gave me as a birthday present 4 years ago.
Ranging from H - 6B. I liked it alot ever since i got it.
And now it is officially my "pencils" box.
Thank you so much Crystal. It is one of my most memorable presents.
I am still deciding whether to put down my drums.
I still must really thank God for a chance to serve for so long
in His music ministry, I played no matter i was bad or i was nice,
God is always good to me. I love God for this love He showed me first.
And i think i will be good and go cell group.
But still i won't play. I can't.
It has been one of my dreams to be a studio drummer..
I tot i would be good enough if i just get some proper lessons..
I never believed i have any talent.. but i learnt..
It is another of my dream to be an Artist(not architect)
But strangely for drawing.. i never practice yet people appreciates..
Looking into the mirror, i always see the Best Artist ever, That is God.
I can draw portraits.. but it is God who forms what i see first.
He even formed a mind in me where i can imagine..
Aber this art of forming an imaginative space is incredible.
Humans imitates by creating AI. AI responds but i doubt they imagine.
Anyway my point is, i love to draw. And thank God for this joy of drawing.
If i were an architect, i would create for greener earth, happier people.
A space that feels like home. Pay me just so i can settle my 3 meals and take a bus home. :)
School starts next week.
And i have bought all that is necessary.
Really expensive. The set of drawing pen alone cost me $59!
And 4 other tips at $29 each.
Pok liao.
Still got a laptop on the way at $2106.
And i went around looking for a book..
only to find it at $89 in popular..
I decided not to get it. So many books to read up..
I will just sit in library i guess.
I have no idea y i need a paper half my body length for my
first lesson on monday.
I can fold a paper crane that can carry me to the sky! Hahaha!
Hope i will put this paper to good use.
I got out the pencil set Crystal gave me as a birthday present 4 years ago.
Ranging from H - 6B. I liked it alot ever since i got it.
And now it is officially my "pencils" box.
Thank you so much Crystal. It is one of my most memorable presents.
I am still deciding whether to put down my drums.
I still must really thank God for a chance to serve for so long
in His music ministry, I played no matter i was bad or i was nice,
God is always good to me. I love God for this love He showed me first.
And i think i will be good and go cell group.
But still i won't play. I can't.
It has been one of my dreams to be a studio drummer..
I tot i would be good enough if i just get some proper lessons..
I never believed i have any talent.. but i learnt..
It is another of my dream to be an Artist(not architect)
But strangely for drawing.. i never practice yet people appreciates..
Looking into the mirror, i always see the Best Artist ever, That is God.
I can draw portraits.. but it is God who forms what i see first.
He even formed a mind in me where i can imagine..
Aber this art of forming an imaginative space is incredible.
Humans imitates by creating AI. AI responds but i doubt they imagine.
Anyway my point is, i love to draw. And thank God for this joy of drawing.
If i were an architect, i would create for greener earth, happier people.
A space that feels like home. Pay me just so i can settle my 3 meals and take a bus home. :)
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Jazz Band
I have heard Jazz music, I have seen Jazz music.
But I have never played jazz before.
Today i saw before my eyes a live jazz band!
I never knew how improvisational was it until today.
It is free but given a simple set of rules. Trading 4.. sometimes 8.
It is a pleasure to meet a drummer, Brandon. He is good.
Friendly too. He said he has been playing for 2 years, Wow, he is
better than i was when i played for 2 years. The trick?
He said.. " I practiced right.."
I do agree.
"What book?" i asked..
"bop drumming" He said.
*I was silent about coming across it and tot it was not really applicable to me..
i don't play jazz anyway. I have no idea what i play too.. i play.. mistakes.
Going back to drums seems rather weird now. Real practice would need real commitment.
Anyway i do love to eat the subway in NUS. They are real generous with their veges.
And with 20% discount. Nice.
And the bus ride and MRT rides are really long. Feels like vomiting.
Well, met this lady, Ruth. From the name she's obviously a Christian.
Pretty smart. Medicine student. Play really well too. As would be expected
for a 2 years drummer. Shivers.. i am really scared of what is in the head
of Medicine students. I was almost one. I'm one who couldn't make it.
Before school start i might want to warm up a bit before my jazz drums audition.
Hope to pass. *stretch fingers*
*picks up sticks again for serious practice*
God i will never forget you in my life.
Although i may not be disciplined to pray everyday, i still remember you are the one who gives me "today".
I can't digest 7 chapters of bible a day, yet i am glad i still hold fast to your promises.
Anyway, i know i am really bad.
But in you i still see love.
But I have never played jazz before.
Today i saw before my eyes a live jazz band!
I never knew how improvisational was it until today.
It is free but given a simple set of rules. Trading 4.. sometimes 8.
It is a pleasure to meet a drummer, Brandon. He is good.
Friendly too. He said he has been playing for 2 years, Wow, he is
better than i was when i played for 2 years. The trick?
He said.. " I practiced right.."
I do agree.
"What book?" i asked..
"bop drumming" He said.
*I was silent about coming across it and tot it was not really applicable to me..
i don't play jazz anyway. I have no idea what i play too.. i play.. mistakes.
Going back to drums seems rather weird now. Real practice would need real commitment.
Anyway i do love to eat the subway in NUS. They are real generous with their veges.
And with 20% discount. Nice.
And the bus ride and MRT rides are really long. Feels like vomiting.
Well, met this lady, Ruth. From the name she's obviously a Christian.
Pretty smart. Medicine student. Play really well too. As would be expected
for a 2 years drummer. Shivers.. i am really scared of what is in the head
of Medicine students. I was almost one. I'm one who couldn't make it.
Before school start i might want to warm up a bit before my jazz drums audition.
Hope to pass. *stretch fingers*
*picks up sticks again for serious practice*
God i will never forget you in my life.
Although i may not be disciplined to pray everyday, i still remember you are the one who gives me "today".
I can't digest 7 chapters of bible a day, yet i am glad i still hold fast to your promises.
Anyway, i know i am really bad.
But in you i still see love.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Writing again
I am back blogging. :)
It was a real long freezer hibernation.
Just an update..
Gone are my Tough jungle lives..
Gone are my stressful, complicated and terrible working days.
Got a place in NUS architecture.
The 2 years of brain laze has cumulated tonnes of moss in my brain grooves.
I suspect if i do some x ray i might not see my brains. Empty as my snare drum.
*konk*
My days seems sadder and sadder.. i think i choose to be sad thats y.
Only if i could see the bright side of some things again.
*Randomness sinks in*
I still remember those depressed days when i missed one sunday of service..
I was a JERK. I talk like one, i act like one, i was one.
I don't like myself then.. I told myself not to act this way again.
Because i am not a jerk by nature. Totally not me.
I went for NUS guitar audition.. feel abit out of place. I tried to start
some conversation just to realise no one is interested to make friend.
I guess i was too talkative then. Anyway as usual i can't sight read,
I do respect them listening to me figuring out the blotch of ink flying around
the stadium tracks..*music score*
I really suspect i have some mental problem in reading.
Words work better than sleeping pills. The score too.. but
as a human, i have learnt to read and write. It is no longer ink
or black scribbly hairs on white surface.
Well as unexpected.. i have to stop my piano lesson. I was sad.
Still am sad. Always look forward to learning something new every lesson.
It will be my last lesson 30 Aug. What do i expect? An angel to appear and
teach me? I will be more than willing to pay $20.. thats what i can afford.
Anyway why would angels need money. I HATE the idea of money!
I am still sad over it.
I am 20 going 21.
I like to play drums. But, the idea of playing just to fill in the gap
when there is no gap at all disgust me. Makes no difference with
or without me. The only difference might be greater ease to the ear. Haha.
God i do love to play for you. I know you understand, I don't need to play.
Simple as having a spider on a wall. Or maybe a lizard.
I have no idea how else i can serve you.
I know! I can be the church's dishwasher, sounds more useful. Hahaha!
I will be one! Or i guess i am already one just not officially one.
Somehow the church reek of market smell.. or is it just me.
I don't think i smell like market. It is just a smell of meat kept in freezer.
I really don't mind being a vegetarian.. but surely i think i don't like
meat in my home freezer. Hahaha. Except Mock Meat. Veg meat.
Thank God i am deficient in my reading skills but to make up
He give me good nose. I never realise it till i tot i can differentiate coke from pepsi. Mm.. who can't. Hahaha. How about.. salt from socks. Hahaha! I beat no one dare to taste socks.. I also don't dare. Reuben once told me Charmaine got a smell..
i am sure he don't mean BO. I guess it is the shampoo when there is no perfume. What brand? Indian brand, Hahaha. Joking. But Indian smells thick and sweet.. i mean the garland.. the hair smells like olive oil and herb.
However good my taste and smell.. i am sure. Unless i get flu. Sadly i have unconventional likings. Not as the public would agree upon i would somehow feel there
is depth to the taste. Challenging enough to appreciate.
Anyway i love to eat what i love to eat. No amount of *Eeee or *Yucks will deter me from agreeing with *Eee.
Hahaha.
I really love to eat Yee Kei's Bee Hoon though. And the porridge in church. I am sure everyone agrees. It is not the food i taste.. it is the love i feel. Even if it is not something i like i will eat.. if it is not too spicy. Same for my mummy's food :)
Talk about spicy. It does numb my tongue. It match my character ya.. i am not those up for the trill.. But i do love trills on piano. Chopin's nocturne is sprinkled with it.
No more nonsense. I am sure i will be the only sentimental and crazy one to come back to read my own post. More to come.
I will wanna put down my uni experience in the days to come.
It was a real long freezer hibernation.
Just an update..
Gone are my Tough jungle lives..
Gone are my stressful, complicated and terrible working days.
Got a place in NUS architecture.
The 2 years of brain laze has cumulated tonnes of moss in my brain grooves.
I suspect if i do some x ray i might not see my brains. Empty as my snare drum.
*konk*
My days seems sadder and sadder.. i think i choose to be sad thats y.
Only if i could see the bright side of some things again.
*Randomness sinks in*
I still remember those depressed days when i missed one sunday of service..
I was a JERK. I talk like one, i act like one, i was one.
I don't like myself then.. I told myself not to act this way again.
Because i am not a jerk by nature. Totally not me.
I went for NUS guitar audition.. feel abit out of place. I tried to start
some conversation just to realise no one is interested to make friend.
I guess i was too talkative then. Anyway as usual i can't sight read,
I do respect them listening to me figuring out the blotch of ink flying around
the stadium tracks..*music score*
I really suspect i have some mental problem in reading.
Words work better than sleeping pills. The score too.. but
as a human, i have learnt to read and write. It is no longer ink
or black scribbly hairs on white surface.
Well as unexpected.. i have to stop my piano lesson. I was sad.
Still am sad. Always look forward to learning something new every lesson.
It will be my last lesson 30 Aug. What do i expect? An angel to appear and
teach me? I will be more than willing to pay $20.. thats what i can afford.
Anyway why would angels need money. I HATE the idea of money!
I am still sad over it.
I am 20 going 21.
I like to play drums. But, the idea of playing just to fill in the gap
when there is no gap at all disgust me. Makes no difference with
or without me. The only difference might be greater ease to the ear. Haha.
God i do love to play for you. I know you understand, I don't need to play.
Simple as having a spider on a wall. Or maybe a lizard.
I have no idea how else i can serve you.
I know! I can be the church's dishwasher, sounds more useful. Hahaha!
I will be one! Or i guess i am already one just not officially one.
Somehow the church reek of market smell.. or is it just me.
I don't think i smell like market. It is just a smell of meat kept in freezer.
I really don't mind being a vegetarian.. but surely i think i don't like
meat in my home freezer. Hahaha. Except Mock Meat. Veg meat.
Thank God i am deficient in my reading skills but to make up
He give me good nose. I never realise it till i tot i can differentiate coke from pepsi. Mm.. who can't. Hahaha. How about.. salt from socks. Hahaha! I beat no one dare to taste socks.. I also don't dare. Reuben once told me Charmaine got a smell..
i am sure he don't mean BO. I guess it is the shampoo when there is no perfume. What brand? Indian brand, Hahaha. Joking. But Indian smells thick and sweet.. i mean the garland.. the hair smells like olive oil and herb.
However good my taste and smell.. i am sure. Unless i get flu. Sadly i have unconventional likings. Not as the public would agree upon i would somehow feel there
is depth to the taste. Challenging enough to appreciate.
Anyway i love to eat what i love to eat. No amount of *Eeee or *Yucks will deter me from agreeing with *Eee.
Hahaha.
I really love to eat Yee Kei's Bee Hoon though. And the porridge in church. I am sure everyone agrees. It is not the food i taste.. it is the love i feel. Even if it is not something i like i will eat.. if it is not too spicy. Same for my mummy's food :)
Talk about spicy. It does numb my tongue. It match my character ya.. i am not those up for the trill.. But i do love trills on piano. Chopin's nocturne is sprinkled with it.
No more nonsense. I am sure i will be the only sentimental and crazy one to come back to read my own post. More to come.
I will wanna put down my uni experience in the days to come.
Monday, February 18, 2008
What is a Man?
Finally, after a day of fun and excitement with me, myself and i.. i have decided on the one to keep. May it be a wise choice.
Someday a boy will grow up to be a fine young man.
I am turning 21. I know i have not tried every single thing a teenage boy can possibly do, well and i am glad i did not. Now, why look back? I am looking forward now to all the responsibilities and commitments a man has to be equipped with. Looking back, it is quite laughable what a heck of a nonsense that young boy utter! Not every single word is nonsense though. But he is quite humorous. What a lot of tantrum he throws, well thats me. And definitely a heart that is wrongly fixated on wrong ladies.. What a whole globe of people you missed when you can't let go.. stop wasting your time!
What is a Man?
I have heard good things and bad things about man. But what portrait of a Man can i paint depends on how i am going to walk this path God has planned. A boy don't turn Man overnight, well but there is definitely a point of beginning of change... and it starts now.
This is the last post of my life. The life of a man is more than what a blog can contain. *seriousness sinks in*
Someday a boy will grow up to be a fine young man.
I am turning 21. I know i have not tried every single thing a teenage boy can possibly do, well and i am glad i did not. Now, why look back? I am looking forward now to all the responsibilities and commitments a man has to be equipped with. Looking back, it is quite laughable what a heck of a nonsense that young boy utter! Not every single word is nonsense though. But he is quite humorous. What a lot of tantrum he throws, well thats me. And definitely a heart that is wrongly fixated on wrong ladies.. What a whole globe of people you missed when you can't let go.. stop wasting your time!
What is a Man?
I have heard good things and bad things about man. But what portrait of a Man can i paint depends on how i am going to walk this path God has planned. A boy don't turn Man overnight, well but there is definitely a point of beginning of change... and it starts now.
This is the last post of my life. The life of a man is more than what a blog can contain. *seriousness sinks in*
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Settle down on one.
It is rather quite scary how different i have become.
One moment, i felt like going onto the street and stare at any stray kids to pick up a fight. Kick off any stones in my way. Well i was on my bicycle though, and i tried everything i could, fly down the slopes, raced with cars, jay-ride all the traffics.. And you did guessed it, i was all alone... i think God would have turned away at this... so i thought i was alone.
Another moment, i walked the shops, not interested at the clothes at all.. well, it was all ladies wear what, why care a 2nd look? Boring.. Yet, i still walked, 1st storey, 2nd storey, 3rd, 4th,Arcade? Boring.. Cinema? Boring. Nothing seems to appeal to me. So i sit by the fountain. Hey Jiaxing! You don't shop! Let alone shopping with yourself.
How nice now if someone even care to just throw a stone at me.. Well, Do IT! I will not hesitate to exchange it for a punch! Well i might pay you to do it. Forget it... Jiaxing You are a jerk!
Ok, the next moment, i stepped into church.. If this were the old testament times, i might just slaughter anything that falls into my hand place it on the altar. And wait for the lightning to strike me down. Can't imagine what i said.. " God, you know what i am thinking, you know what i am going to say, so why should i even talk to you? ".. " Hello there..." ... " Answer me!"... well forget it.. and so i left and locked this place up. Thinking.. " How nice if God even care to strike me!"
The next day, i was totally different. I woke up with a whisper, " Thank you Lord i am still alive." Found myself so guity and repented.. Worshipped and prayed.
But it will not be long until i "start to think" i am alone again!
There are 2 dreams i can't forget.. In one, Pastor talked to me.. I was so Sian! I gave a "Stop it" look. She droned on and on...
In the next dream, She was talking to me again, a sentence in her droning caught me. Translated.. Jiaxing, you have a unique character. (I think to myself, " But i am so bad inside.") She continued.. you can choose to have a lousy attitude or a right attitude. Don't forget you can be pure and simple, but if you choose to turn bad...
(i can't remember i think i woke up)..
And so it was Saturday after my maths tuition. I am in church again. Pastor lau called me on phone.. I smacked my forehead and shook my head in disbelief... And guess what.. i hid my phone in my pocket and go to the drum to drown off the vibration. Terrible!! What the hell are you doing Jiaxing!!! Following that Reuben and Crystal continued tuition while i grabbed my bicycle and started to run away.
I cycled real fast.. well.. I think i have no idea whatever gotten me to compass point and i decided to buy bubble tea for Elim and Crystal and i went back to church. All was normal again as people see it.
Pastor did talked to me this sunday afternoon. I mean.. It is no more dream.. real talking. Well i understand whatever love relationship or bgr thing. Whats wrong.. it is not about this. I am just changing.. for the worsT. Well.. maybe it is just.. How being "alone" drives me nuts! I hate Nuts btw!
Well.. 2 different characters i have now fighting inside.. I just need to choose one. The more dominant one will be advantageous and domineering .. the meek and gentle one will be sweet.. well.. Mm. Haha! Try first. Settle on one and so be it.
There is a tendency for the viciously atheist one to exhibit on solitary situations. Hey jerk, lets go for some fun. Haha!
The week to come is going to be exciting!
One moment, i felt like going onto the street and stare at any stray kids to pick up a fight. Kick off any stones in my way. Well i was on my bicycle though, and i tried everything i could, fly down the slopes, raced with cars, jay-ride all the traffics.. And you did guessed it, i was all alone... i think God would have turned away at this... so i thought i was alone.
Another moment, i walked the shops, not interested at the clothes at all.. well, it was all ladies wear what, why care a 2nd look? Boring.. Yet, i still walked, 1st storey, 2nd storey, 3rd, 4th,Arcade? Boring.. Cinema? Boring. Nothing seems to appeal to me. So i sit by the fountain. Hey Jiaxing! You don't shop! Let alone shopping with yourself.
How nice now if someone even care to just throw a stone at me.. Well, Do IT! I will not hesitate to exchange it for a punch! Well i might pay you to do it. Forget it... Jiaxing You are a jerk!
Ok, the next moment, i stepped into church.. If this were the old testament times, i might just slaughter anything that falls into my hand place it on the altar. And wait for the lightning to strike me down. Can't imagine what i said.. " God, you know what i am thinking, you know what i am going to say, so why should i even talk to you? ".. " Hello there..." ... " Answer me!"... well forget it.. and so i left and locked this place up. Thinking.. " How nice if God even care to strike me!"
The next day, i was totally different. I woke up with a whisper, " Thank you Lord i am still alive." Found myself so guity and repented.. Worshipped and prayed.
But it will not be long until i "start to think" i am alone again!
There are 2 dreams i can't forget.. In one, Pastor talked to me.. I was so Sian! I gave a "Stop it" look. She droned on and on...
In the next dream, She was talking to me again, a sentence in her droning caught me. Translated.. Jiaxing, you have a unique character. (I think to myself, " But i am so bad inside.") She continued.. you can choose to have a lousy attitude or a right attitude. Don't forget you can be pure and simple, but if you choose to turn bad...
(i can't remember i think i woke up)..
And so it was Saturday after my maths tuition. I am in church again. Pastor lau called me on phone.. I smacked my forehead and shook my head in disbelief... And guess what.. i hid my phone in my pocket and go to the drum to drown off the vibration. Terrible!! What the hell are you doing Jiaxing!!! Following that Reuben and Crystal continued tuition while i grabbed my bicycle and started to run away.
I cycled real fast.. well.. I think i have no idea whatever gotten me to compass point and i decided to buy bubble tea for Elim and Crystal and i went back to church. All was normal again as people see it.
Pastor did talked to me this sunday afternoon. I mean.. It is no more dream.. real talking. Well i understand whatever love relationship or bgr thing. Whats wrong.. it is not about this. I am just changing.. for the worsT. Well.. maybe it is just.. How being "alone" drives me nuts! I hate Nuts btw!
Well.. 2 different characters i have now fighting inside.. I just need to choose one. The more dominant one will be advantageous and domineering .. the meek and gentle one will be sweet.. well.. Mm. Haha! Try first. Settle on one and so be it.
There is a tendency for the viciously atheist one to exhibit on solitary situations. Hey jerk, lets go for some fun. Haha!
The week to come is going to be exciting!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
The storm 's over.
Looking back..
I was drenched with darkness and rebellion. Believe me.. i might even bash you(guys only) up if you offend me on that stormy day of mine.
I missed church. I don't know what i was doing. And i don't know why it happen. But all i know is.. i was feeling really angry and really troubled.
I want to Thank Elim for being there even when i ignored her.. she still encouraged me.
And Charmaine for telling me of the things i seem to overlook.. Just hope she is not pissed off by my attitude.. haven't heard her for days.
Reuben for being so funny.. he makes me laugh.
Crystal for being there also even when i ignored her TOTALLY..sorry crystal. Well.. and i think she was really angry. She never seem to give up.. and keep asking me to pick myself up when i was feeling so lousy.
Thank anyone who got no idea what happened and still care to read on..
I must Thank God, for bringing me back in his very special way.
:)
I was drenched with darkness and rebellion. Believe me.. i might even bash you(guys only) up if you offend me on that stormy day of mine.
I missed church. I don't know what i was doing. And i don't know why it happen. But all i know is.. i was feeling really angry and really troubled.
I want to Thank Elim for being there even when i ignored her.. she still encouraged me.
And Charmaine for telling me of the things i seem to overlook.. Just hope she is not pissed off by my attitude.. haven't heard her for days.
Reuben for being so funny.. he makes me laugh.
Crystal for being there also even when i ignored her TOTALLY..sorry crystal. Well.. and i think she was really angry. She never seem to give up.. and keep asking me to pick myself up when i was feeling so lousy.
Thank anyone who got no idea what happened and still care to read on..
I must Thank God, for bringing me back in his very special way.
:)
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Drum lesson!
1 to 1 private drum lessons.
Absolute beginners to newbie.$20 per hour. Learn proper stick techniques and rudiments. Strong emphasis on personal creativity, sight reading will be taught. Call 91553023.
Amateur drummers. $25 per hour. Looking to improve technique, limbs independence and stick control. Want to get a kick start in new genres, Latin( Salsa, Afro cuban, mambo, Samba) , Jazz, or fusion. Requirement: 1 year of experience in hitting those stuff. Call 91553023.
Advance drummers. Free. Aiming to join any possible competition and grab the trophy. Want to learn creative and musical soloing. Requirement: friendly and passionate. Call 91553023, make friends.
Professional drummers. Trying to perfect sight reading and coordination. Incorporating polyrhythms and time shifts and forever expressing the details of complex compositions. Inherit virtuosity. Hunting for a student. Leave a message 91553023. I will call you to take up lessons.
Absolute beginners to newbie.$20 per hour. Learn proper stick techniques and rudiments. Strong emphasis on personal creativity, sight reading will be taught. Call 91553023.
Amateur drummers. $25 per hour. Looking to improve technique, limbs independence and stick control. Want to get a kick start in new genres, Latin( Salsa, Afro cuban, mambo, Samba) , Jazz, or fusion. Requirement: 1 year of experience in hitting those stuff. Call 91553023.
Advance drummers. Free. Aiming to join any possible competition and grab the trophy. Want to learn creative and musical soloing. Requirement: friendly and passionate. Call 91553023, make friends.
Professional drummers. Trying to perfect sight reading and coordination. Incorporating polyrhythms and time shifts and forever expressing the details of complex compositions. Inherit virtuosity. Hunting for a student. Leave a message 91553023. I will call you to take up lessons.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
My friend Jarryl :)
Good night old Jarryl,
forever full of riddles.
To his dreams he brings his wonders,
and wakes with a morning ponder.
This kid sure is going to be a great thinker.
If not, at least a lecturer.
For through dark and light,
Fascinations bring a surge of delight,
to his forever curious appetite.
Do pay attention if you see the light bulb twinkle,
in the eyes of my dear friend Jarryl.
For do admit it, the questions are far from simple.
A simple poem, to a not so simple personality, do not oversee some things from what seems to be an obvious situation cuz from it comes great wonders! Way to go Jarryl!
forever full of riddles.
To his dreams he brings his wonders,
and wakes with a morning ponder.
This kid sure is going to be a great thinker.
If not, at least a lecturer.
For through dark and light,
Fascinations bring a surge of delight,
to his forever curious appetite.
Do pay attention if you see the light bulb twinkle,
in the eyes of my dear friend Jarryl.
For do admit it, the questions are far from simple.
A simple poem, to a not so simple personality, do not oversee some things from what seems to be an obvious situation cuz from it comes great wonders! Way to go Jarryl!
Romance
is like when someone holds you tight... and your heart comes alight.
In their embrace, time is never called a waste.
When tears subside, you realise that he has braved the tide.
His lips are silent yet the his deeds too prominent.
Whispering to you nothing but a simple truth.
A truth you never knew,
that he always love you.
In their embrace, time is never called a waste.
When tears subside, you realise that he has braved the tide.
His lips are silent yet the his deeds too prominent.
Whispering to you nothing but a simple truth.
A truth you never knew,
that he always love you.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2008
Here now i will list my new year resolution.
About my hobby, I want to:
*Pass an ABRSM percussion Grade5 this year.
*Be able to sight read Grade 3 pieces on piano.
About my physical, I want to:
*Blade gracefully and not get swelling blisters
*Get my IPPT Gold award
*Stay away from chocolate :)
About my relationship, I want to:
*Grow deeper in love with God and mean from my heart whatever that i may say to my God.
*Learn to love freely and to trust God in preparing for me a loving life partner
About my attitude, I want to:
*Be who i am, run and play whenever i can
*Change to be who i have to be, a young man who is gentlemanly
*Become who God wants me to be for His honour and glory!
About my hobby, I want to:
*Pass an ABRSM percussion Grade5 this year.
*Be able to sight read Grade 3 pieces on piano.
About my physical, I want to:
*Blade gracefully and not get swelling blisters
*Get my IPPT Gold award
*Stay away from chocolate :)
About my relationship, I want to:
*Grow deeper in love with God and mean from my heart whatever that i may say to my God.
*Learn to love freely and to trust God in preparing for me a loving life partner
About my attitude, I want to:
*Be who i am, run and play whenever i can
*Change to be who i have to be, a young man who is gentlemanly
*Become who God wants me to be for His honour and glory!
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