Social Isolation

Hey Jude(pastor would not want to hear that),
I am afraid i am turning eccentric from these memories i am accumulating.
Scary memories of social isolation.

I had 2 gatherings this week.
2 scary ones which i wished i wasn't present.
I have come to realise of my diminished ability to socialise in any group get-togethers.
Ever diminishing. And eventually disappearing like a jelly fish.

This is a sign of poor critical thinking skills.
But i can't help it, i just can't seem to bother much about ppl.
Perhaps there is a relationship between memory and critical thinking.
Perhaps when i spend more time with myself, my mind shuts off from the presence of others.
Now even close friends seems like strangers.

How linking colours to months, a janurary red and Purple June. And dirty green april with a dark green belt. I certainly would not comment it that way to accentuate my (indeed messed up) queer brain. And spanish alphabets filling my head with sounds, terrible rotting fish that got on to 54.

Strange 12 ways of prayer in a Religious like circle on a piece of chinese filled paper.
260 + 15.
Rubbish cluttered brain that does no help at all in understanding humans.Yet indeed virtually created another sad case of Asperger's Syndrome "symptomed" guy on planet Earth! If there was a choice, i would rather recreate another Down's syndrome with extra 23. LOL. And i know i will be gladly laughing at my own joke, which is a random guess with probability as high as 0.99.

(scary scary... i often walk away thinking, i am coming back. My memories are coming back. Those scary ones that i thought i could throw behind my life. It is like those times in secondary schools and primary schools. Simple jokes that does no appeal. Concerns that does not really matter. And indeed those are the people i did avoid in the first place. And they did joyfully avoid me. But not now, it can't happen now! These ppl share a part of my life.)

Improved memories of scenes without words, emotions without speech. Names are leaving my head, emotions are flooding, self confidence totally wrecked with each recollection of childhood scenes.

No! If it happens for Jude. "Build yourself up in the most holy faith."
If i can remember a list of 100 elements off my head, if i can forget the name "Edmund", if i can remember the rubbish information that i want to remember. I certainly would not want to remember any minute of my life in this ackward moment of extreme painful recollections.

Feeling totally defeated, i thought i could throw all these memories away by watching a movie - Robin Hood.

(But i really hoped they had a great birthday lunch. I was really afraid i might be spoiling it with my presence. Feeling so sorry that i was around.)

So i bought a ticket at 6pm, still shaking from the side effects of repression.
Repression of those memories is a good thing since it tells me that, "Hey you had a life around cool ppl."
Strangely enough, i saw Jun Jian.
I admire his ability to recall bus guides. With all the bus no. and routes at his fingertips.
I was even more surprised to know that we were actually watching the same movie at the same time.

Well then i had a few arcade coins, 7 to be specific. And me kun jian and Jing Chong went to shoot some balls. It wasn't that fun, but strangely playing with them just brings back another set of memories where my queerness found a place.
They are indeed a fun loving lot who accepted me for who i am, a strange young boy at 14 who read physics text book while shopping with them. Cycle in the rain, broke into sunset rise? Things that would bring strange stares just don't seem that strange to them, although some things still does.
Those are the memories i would use to pile on the bad memories.

Can i be more self reliant and emotionally stable?
It all depends on my ability to kill those neurones that causes emotional discomfort(morael killers). And it will be accomplished only if i stop firing signals to these bad memories, and of course the source of such bad memories is obviously the giant "social isolation!".

Memory technique for JX only.

It either complicates things of makes it solid.
To me it does a little bit of complication but a giant chunk of solidification.

This is a way suited only for Jiaxing.. You! If you are reading it after a serious brain damage but still remembering the fact that you are Jiaxing.
Learn this technique that works a great deal for your brain and you will come back.

Level 1
Ok. You play drums! Quite well.
Learn each drum part by heart.
(Visualise!!!)
0 = ride cymbal
1 = hi tom
2 = mid tom
3 = floor tom
4 = splash
5 = Bass drum
6 = Left crash(Zildjian A custom)
7 = hi hat
8 = snare drum
9 = Right crash (Zildjian K)

Those are your single digits.ok! 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.

Here are your 10s. 10, 20, 30, 40 ,50 ,60, 70, 80, 90,
There are 3 rooms.
In Room 1 = 2 drumsets. (10 and 20)
In Room 2 = 2 drumsets. (30 and 40)
In Room 3 = 3 drumsets. (50 to 70)
In odiocrib studio where you play with your band = 1 drumset (80)
In your home you have 1 drumset (90)

Start training:
If you want to remember 9things.
1) Think of a subject. E.g. You.
2) Go to no.1 (hi tom) and attach an association of the 1st thing.
3) Carry on.. till the last 9..You will end at right crash.
4) By now you should only have 1 subject with 1 intention linked to 9 things that flows in a story link sequence.
5) Recall the sequence after 1min. After 1 hour. After 1day.
6) Congratulations you have it there forever.

Level 2
By now you should have all your 10 drumsets filled with things.
Now learn 10 actions and 10 intentions.
Action: 0=stand, 1=see or hear, 2=eat or taste, 3=talk, 4=touch, 5=give, 6=take, 7=walk, 8=run, 9 =kick
Intentions: 0=funny, 1=help, 2=sacrifice, 3=heal, 4=praise, 5=love, 6=steal, 7=destroy/kill, 8=insult 9=escape

This is how you apply. This technique is for remembering 4 numbers.
Subject - Action - Intention - Object.
E.g. Shaun = 3455.
In your head.. Shaun came your house and Spoke(3talk) "Wow beautiful(4praise) Oscar(55object)" 3455
Of course you will not be able to remember this nonsense.
Remember the emotions attached and recreate a HD movie in your undamaged visual nerves(if it is undamaged).
If your visual nerves are damaged. Sadly, just draw.. i doub't you will be able to read this too. You happen to draw quite well too.

Level 3
You always wonder why girls shop so much, well there was a day when you stop to wonder after seeing the vast array of women apparels. No Wonder! LOL!
Ok.. Now you are going to use this Women's wardrobe power to help you remember dates.
First lets set the colours.
Jan=Red, Feb=Orange, March=Yellow, April=Green, May=blue, June=Purple, July=Pink, August=brown, September=Gold, October=Silver, November=White, December=Black.

Lets set the dates
1=plain silk skirt, 2=shorts, 3=pleated skirt, 4=skirt x 2(e.g. Windbreaker wrapped around the waiste) 5=shorts x 2 6=pleated skirt x 2 7=khakis 8=skinny jeans 9=long pants
When you have 10s. That means there is only one piece of Shirt/dress.
When you have 20s = 2 piece.
When you have 30s = 3 piece.
The month is determined by the colour of the outer most Shirt/jacket.
And that does not mean when it is 01, she does not wear any shirt.
01 = Plain skirt but the end of the shirt does not meet the skirt.
Lets try
There are 5 examples here.
1) Grey is also sliver to me. So this is October 29.
2) This is November 11.
3) Ignore the white patterns. Grey again. October 29.
4) The gold scarf is outermost. September 29
5) December 21.

Now for the year. It will come back to using the subject-action-intention 4444 numbers technique.

And before you think you are ready to go try it out.
Time: there are 12 numbers for time.. So each represent the same colour as your model's clothes.
However, night 6pm to 5am will be covered shoes and day 6am to 5pm will be otherwise.

All the best and stay alive no matter what may come.

Strangeness

The hardest part of the previous 40-79 elements was to remember the spelling of the names.
However it was really fun.

I like the one.. Tell u r... Which gives me: Tell U R ium. LOL!
That is no. 52.
And even stranger one is Anti Money.. without the e: Anti-mony
That is no. 51.

I realise it must occur to me in a way that makes sense for me to remember. If it does not make sense, i can't remember. And the location where i place it is important too.

Chemicals 40 to 79

After remembering 39 elements, i tried to reach 79.
Which is helpful as i reach the 99 mark.. it will then help me to remember numbers with more details.

Let me try the recall.
Al Jurreau
40Zr Zirconium 41Nb Niobium 42Mo Molybdenium 43Tc Technetium 44Ru Ruthenium 45Rh Rhodium
46Pd Pallidium 47Ag Silver 48Cd Cadmium 49In Indium

Thomas Lang
50Sn Tin 51Sb Antimony 52Te Tellurium 53I Iodine 54Xe Xenon 55Cs Caesium 56Ba Barium
57La Lanthanum 58Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium

Pei Qi
60Nd Neodymium 61Pm Promethium 62Sm Samarium 63Eu Europium 64Gd Gadolinium 65Tb Terbium
66Dy Dysprosium 67Ho Holmium 68Er Erbium 69Tm Thulium

James
70Yb Ytterbium 71Lu Lutetium 72Hf Hafnium 73Ta Tantalum 74W Tungsten 75Re Rhenium
76Os Osmium 77Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinium 79Au Gold

Numbers. MOF,

I was pondering of a method to apply in remembering long chains of nos.
For hp nos. I break it into 4 by 4.
However, it does takes up a little too much time which i do not know if practice will
speed it up or will practice just makes me more confused.
I tried with the MOF food list since it goes by no. And i am forever hungry.

First 2 pages are Salad and the next 2 pages are Sandwiches.
LOL! Yummy.
Salad by Jojo(2), in room 1 set 1(2,3,5,8,9) and set 2 (0-5)
Sandwiches by Me(9) and Vir(0) in room 1 set 1(2-9) and room 2 set 1(0)

202 Salmon Salad
203 Salmon Sashimi Salad
205 Unagi Salad
208 Toufu Avocado Salad
209 Potato Salad

210 Egg Mayo Salad
211 Tonkatsu Salmon Salad
212 Salmon Wasabi Salad
213 Kani Mayo Salad
214 Kani Ebikko Salad
215 Tuna Mayo Salad
If add (S) means 1 pax share.

Sandwiches
9012 Egg Wasabi
9013 Egg Salmon
9014 Tonkatsu Salmon
9015 Salmon Wasabi
9016 Unagi
9017 Kani Mayo
9018 Kani Ebikko
9019 Tuna Mayo

9020 Egg

And 10 hp numbers. Which is confidential.

Today i was stressed out and it did affect the ability to recall as well as the motivation to create.

But at least it is a success that intangible numbers could be remembered tangibly.

New Testament 27 books

Room 3
Seow Fong, Ah Loi, Kenny.

Room 3
Seow Fong set 1
40Matthew 41Mark 42Luke 43John 44Acts 45Romans 46 1Corinthians 47 2Corinthians
48Galatians 49Philippians

Ah Loi set 2
50Ephesians 51Colossians 52 1 Thessalonians 53 2 Thessalonians 54 1 Timothy
55 2 Timothy 56 Titus 57Philemon 58Hebrew 59James

Kenny set 3
60 1Peter 61 2Peter 62 1John 63 2John 64 3John 65 Jude 66 Revelations

Books from Old testament Room1 Room2

After believing the effect of committing 39 elements to my head for easy retrieval,
I have decided to do the same to the 39 books of old testament.

Room 1 Elim set 1 Yee Kei set 2
Room 2 PS Lau set 1 PS Sarah set 2

Here it goes, the 4th time i repeat from my head, hope all goes well. (>.< Pray!)

Room 1 Elim set 1
1Genesis, 2Exodus, 3Leviticus, 4Numbers, 5Deuteronomy, 6Joshua, 7Judges, 8Ruth,
9 1Samuel

Room 1 Yee Kei set 2
10 2 Samuel 11 1Kings 12 2Kings 13 1Chronicles 14 2 Chronicles 15Ezra 16Nehemiah
17Ester 18Job 19Psalms

Room 2 Pastor Lau set 1
20Proverbs 21Ecclesiastes 22Song of Songs 23Isaiah 24Jeremiah 25Lamentations
26Ezekiel 27Daniel 28Hosea 29Joel

Room 2 Pastor Sarah set 2
30Amos 31Obadiah 32Jonah 33Micah 34Nahum 35Habakkuk 36Zephaniah 37Haggai 38Zechariah
39Malachi

There it stays.
I need diligent revision in order to keep it there forever.

Utilise Room1 and Room2

Vir, Vinnie, Jojo and Buddy.

Revision 4:
Atomic mass to element.
Vir:
1H Hydrogen 2He Helium 3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O oxygen 9F Fluorine
Vinnie:
10Ne Neon 11Na Sodium 12Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminium 14Si Silicon 15P Phosphorus 16S Sulphur 17Cl Chlorine 18Ar Argon 19K Potassium
Jojo:
20Ca Calcium 21Sc Scandium 22Ti Titanium 23Va Vanadium 24Cr Chromium 25Mn Manganese
26Fe Iron 27Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29Cu Copper
Buddy:
30Zn Zinc 31Ga Gallium 32Ge Germanium 33As Arsenic 34Se Selenium 35Br Bromine
36Kr Krypton 37Rubidium 38Sr Strontium 39Y YTTRIUM!

39 elements, there it stays.

A few sets on display

Put these in the room 3, 2, 1 where i work very often.

147 bus seats 53.

I was Thinking, Perhaps it is good to know how many people are around me.
Well, my common spot on the upper deck of bus 147.
I remembered counting 51 seats. But then when i counted again on bus 25, i counted 53 seats.

Bus 165, lower deck is a little harder to count.
But i started with the 5pairs of seats around me.
It was the first time i try to take note of ppl around my seats.
The bookshop pretty auntie, a tall built gentleman in green stripped shirt and jeans, 2 malay guys in dark blue, a purple lady, a dark brown auntie, a Yellow plumb working adult lady, white sleeveless lady, a middle age house wife, me, then a guy playing psp beside me.

Maybe the people standing matters too, a tall man with head touching ceiling, a plumb malay guy, thin indian man, a young couple, 2 black man again.

Room 3

I started to use Room 3 to put my first exercise.

Ok. 3 drumsets used. Al Jurreau, Thomas Lang, Pei Qi.

With meridian drums, pilot Al Jurreau
1.Alpha
2.Bravo
3.Charlie
4.Delta
5.Echo
6.Foxtrot
7.Golf
8.Hotel
9.India
10.Juliet

With the black QR with Dw pedal, Thomas Lang
11.Kilo
12.Lima
13.Mike
14.November
15.Oscar
16.Papa
17.Quebec
18.Romeo
19.Sierra
20.Tango

With the last Blue set, Pei Qi,one of the student
21.Uniform
22.Victor
23.Whiskey
24.X ray
25.Yankee
26.Zulu

There it stays.

Set A

Yesterday as i was teaching Shaun khui's students, Qi yan(younger sis) and Qi yu(elder) They said they were confused by some notation so i told them to see everything as set A.. and just take half of set A aside when you fill in. I am glad they see it immediately without further explanation. Then, Qi yu suddenly say,"Set A set meal, 2 half boiled eggs, kopi and 2 sllices of bread with butter!" LOL! Thats my breakfast. I say Kaya bread. Nope Qi yu say Eee, she don't like Kaya.
But the point is for them to get the idea of Set A into their head.
Learn to fly by Foo fighters was the song. I do not know how well i can memorise this piece after playing through it 4 times.
But the biggest problem was.. i missed my dinner and was feeling hungry, that i did not tell them to avoid unnecessary confusion.

If i were a butterfly, i would fly around and gather butter into my bag.
If the elephants were mine, i would teach them to electrocute any ants wearing pants.
Sponge bob? No, he is not an ant. Patrick? No he is my little brother. LOL!

1,2,3

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.0
1 hi tom
2 mid tom
3 floor tom
4 splash
5 kick
6 left crash
7 hi hat
8 snare
9 right crash
0 ride

Entering Hg Point Kopitiam, as i sit down at the chair and take a look, i try to put the stalls in my head.

I will call it.. HOUGANG POINT KOPITIAM with 15 stalls (excluding drink and tim sum stall)
Left entrance,
Nasi Lemak, Pots and Pans, Fishing ball, Economical mixed rice, Seafood mini wok,
Main entrance,
Ruh han's indian delights, homemade noodles, Pig organ soup(congee), Lai Heng fried Kway Teow, Xin hua vegetarian, Wen Fatt(HK)Roasted, Yong Tau Fu, Chicken rice, Lee Kwang Kee.
Back exit, Tim sum, Back exit and my morning breakfast spot.

BLK 649 funeral event, Blk 946 carpark.

If intangible ideas could tug a line with tangible objects, maybe thats where it will all start to make sense.

This never seems to end

This is a funny life living inside a sphere.

As usual i had a rehearsal with my friends today at Odiocrib, Waterloo street, 4th level.
Bassist Christ, Guitarist Ryan and a vocalist Ron(not fixed) And me as a drummer.
It might sound like another child play band.. well.. perhaps not. I love the way each of them delicate time to practice for their parts, so must i.
And now after 3 rehearsals, we had a repertoire.

Everyone wants to rule the world, (12/8)
Englishman in New York, (reggae)
50 ways to leave your lover, (steve gadd)
and Yugyugan Na (Jazz funk)
Generally we play Jazz funk, we had fun, thats all.

What i am thinking is the way i am using my drums.
Is this a job? Yes, it might be a job, just like any other jobs.
What is the contribution then? Our hardwork to give audience the joy while listening?

Now as i play my drums i will have sudden surge of nostalgia. Visions of playing in church in the past, somehow makes me a little teary. Because it might be from then where i started. And it might be till then where i will end.

It will not be good to keep thinking how people might think.. although it is a necessity for good social behaviour, but my job is not something everyone will classify as a job. Somethings are just grey, you can't really tell black from white.

Shivam
Well, on tuesday, i was at Shivam's house.
I love the way the black 50kg bulldog welcome me, not forgetting the quiet giant Chow chow.
Manchu is the name of that black bull dog, he is very heavy! And sometimes smelly. And when it climb the stairs it will pant very heavily. LOL!
Sometimes when Manchu just stay under the drum chair and i wanted to push him away.. he just does'nt move an inch, imagine pushing a stone. And Mauchu will look at me with those "what is happening now?" Kind of eyes. LOL!
And when i am half way through the lesson, Manchu will lie flat on its stomach with limbs outstretched. If he were to move his limbs, it would look like he is swimming on the floor. LOL! Very cute.
Now i know why people keep bull dogs. I would love one too.
AT least it will be a great comfort to know that there is someone who is lazier than i am. LOL! And dumber.(New word)
Sihvam is learning well, hope he pays more attention during lesson next time.
Sohaana seems more obedient.
They love Mr bean at 5 30 thats for sure.

And Memory training has brought me no where, i am in fact turning a little crazy from all the strange techniques. And i am yes, becoming a little more unsociable. Thats the character of a nerd. Which i am turning into one.

Am i being ungrateful?
I realised that people will be happier if we could recall the things that they have done for us. Recall and thank them again. But i do not know how many times is enough.
But there are too many people around me to please. What is the meaning of being ungrateful? Actually i do not understand.
I have been rather silent to observe human behaviours that happen around me.

The sunday incident was most strange.
Sharlene wanted to stand. And pastor lau wanted to give her seat.
I asked her to sit on the floor but i think it was'nt a good suggestion.
And then Yee kei gave her seat and sit on the floor.
My action was classified as not gentlemanly, and Yee Kei was doing it right.
And Pastor praised Yee Kei, that everyone should have this attitude.

Mm, then again, Maybe i should have been nicer by proposing nicely that there could be an option of sitting on the floor.

I will classify this under plasticity of decision.
I can Say yes and means Yes.
I can say Yes and means No,
I can say No and means Yes,
I can say No and means No.

Other than these 4, the more complex will be
When i say yes and insist yes but I meant No.

It could extent out and in summary
What we say is actually not what we actually want to say.

If this plasticity of decision did not exist, I can imagine what happen.
Sharlene will Say, " I want to sit "
I will say, " Sit on the floor! "
Since she has considered my option and it is not good, I guess she will ignore this input.
Yee kei will say " You sit on the chair, i sit on the floor!"
Notice here that Plasticity of decision does not exist and Yee Kei really means she likes to sit on the floor so things are settled.

What if Yee Kei says, "Jiaxing you stand!"
Then I will consider this option too!
If it never resolves, Sharlene will now decide and say " I will stand!"
And willingly she stands and munch munch.

I was going to Ask Yee kei why her subway had not Vege in it! LOL! IT looked really thin and funny.

Anyway possible, observe more and soon i will distinguish the tone of a Yes meaning No.

Anyway possible i will learn to be better than who i was.

Then i am about to trace back to the times when i was baby. Babies in the stomach do see things. I remember when i was in my mom's stomach, i could see Red and hear the superman theme song. I donno if it is true, maybe i should ask my mom. Or check out if there was superman in 1987 from around march to november.

Wakefulness during rapid eye movement

I don't want to type this in morse code. It is a strange occurance which don't usually happen and could assist researchers in their study of sleep.

I have had a series of Wakefulness during REM, which is an occurance ever since i turned 17. I now understand that it is neither evil spirit nor mere dreaming.
It is as simple as becoming conscious while entering into REM stage of sleep.

Here is what i experience during these times.

I am unable to move(due to motor inhibitors which prevent me from sleep walking and hitting others when i dream).

I can open my eyes. When i open my eyes, i can see the room i am in, and it is always bigger than the actual room size. My vision is clear and i have perfect vision even without spectacles cuz i usually need glasses. I can turn my neck and look around.

My ears were filled with a mild motor humming at a relatively high pitch, like the feeling of sitting in a flying airplane. And also i can hear sounds that makes no sense, sometimes chatters and laughters and fluttering wings. I suspect it is a cumulation of sounds from outside my room. Some sounds makes sense to me, like when the tv is on and my grandma is talking, i can hear it too.

My touch is sensitive too. I could feel the bed and the pillows. But i cannot move.

I feel a little frightened because it is something new that i have never felt before.
I usually close my eyes after looking for 5-10 seconds. As i am afraid what might appear. There was once i saw a gloomy dark figure. But when i close my eyes, i know i am still conscious and i am still in REM state thus i hear.

Today, i had another encounter. But this time i had a little more knowledge of what was happening so i tried to really wake up during this REM stage.

This was what happened. I slept around 40 minutes and i woke up. But since i know after the first 2 stage of sleep the next stage will be REM i tricked myself to go back to sleep yet maintaining my consciousness... During this process, i close my eyes, and concentrate on staying awake while my brain subconsciously bring me to sleep, it is during this stage where i will hear blood gushing noises just like when we yawn.

I thought it was too scary an experience so i decided to wake up, naturally by opening my eyes. Then, as i open my eyes, i see shifting vision of whatever i was focusing on.. i know that my eyes are shifting really fast left to right and when it roll back upwards i will naturally close my eyes.

I was actually quite scared and i did called upon God and ask God to bring me back to normal consciousness after counting 3. But nope after counting 3, i counted another 3. And another 3. LOL. I gave up and decided to just fall asleep and then my grandpa's cough woke me up. And my eyes open again to see the same ceiling that i was staring at when i opened my eyes in REM sleep.

I have a few questions which i can't find out. Did i really opened my eyes or did i see through my eyelids?
Because, there was once when i had this experience, my brothers didn't notice anything weird about my sleep, i was just lying there asleep.

And if it were a conscious dream, i would be able to shift scenes like daydreaming, and also will it match the physical world or is it just a world in my imagination?

Perhaps it could be a time well spent by playing my drums provided i must realise that i cannot force myself to move but i can only imagine myself to move.