There is no place i can be as honest

Truly i am dying inside to get away from all form of pretense.

Ever since i was born, what i am made to do has two purposes to it.
First is for survival, second is to appease the Giant of whom i call "Public".

In layman terms, what i do is first determined by mortal needs
and next is to conform to the world of how things should be perceived.

Nothing means more than living like who i am.
In no way of expressing anything to oppose myself.

In this lustful world, money and fame dangerously attract many to its glamor.
Money is nothing without the resources it can purchase.
Power of fame is nothing if its influence is not at all beneficial to mankind,
such powerful individuals are mere control freaks.

Anyway, i am happy as i am.. passing by this generation of humans and
happy to leave it without a trace.
Sometimes people say, you must first be the change you want to see in the world.
I see there needs to be a change, but i am uselessly unmotivated and disgusted
by the zeal of the Giants whose motives i do not agree with.

... i am not finished yet.

Starting School

"Architecture is the art of wasting space". quoted -someone.


School starts next week.
And i have bought all that is necessary.
Really expensive. The set of drawing pen alone cost me $59!
And 4 other tips at $29 each.

Pok liao.

Still got a laptop on the way at $2106.
And i went around looking for a book..
only to find it at $89 in popular..
I decided not to get it. So many books to read up..
I will just sit in library i guess.

I have no idea y i need a paper half my body length for my
first lesson on monday.
I can fold a paper crane that can carry me to the sky! Hahaha!
Hope i will put this paper to good use.

I got out the pencil set Crystal gave me as a birthday present 4 years ago.
Ranging from H - 6B. I liked it alot ever since i got it.
And now it is officially my "pencils" box.
Thank you so much Crystal. It is one of my most memorable presents.

I am still deciding whether to put down my drums.
I still must really thank God for a chance to serve for so long
in His music ministry, I played no matter i was bad or i was nice,
God is always good to me. I love God for this love He showed me first.

And i think i will be good and go cell group.
But still i won't play. I can't.
It has been one of my dreams to be a studio drummer..

I tot i would be good enough if i just get some proper lessons..

I never believed i have any talent.. but i learnt..

It is another of my dream to be an Artist(not architect)

But strangely for drawing.. i never practice yet people appreciates..
Looking into the mirror, i always see the Best Artist ever, That is God.
I can draw portraits.. but it is God who forms what i see first.
He even formed a mind in me where i can imagine..
Aber this art of forming an imaginative space is incredible.
Humans imitates by creating AI. AI responds but i doubt they imagine.

Anyway my point is, i love to draw. And thank God for this joy of drawing.












If i were an architect, i would create for greener earth, happier people.
A space that feels like home. Pay me just so i can settle my 3 meals and take a bus home. :)

Jazz Band

I have heard Jazz music, I have seen Jazz music.
But I have never played jazz before.

Today i saw before my eyes a live jazz band!
I never knew how improvisational was it until today.
It is free but given a simple set of rules. Trading 4.. sometimes 8.

It is a pleasure to meet a drummer, Brandon. He is good.
Friendly too. He said he has been playing for 2 years, Wow, he is
better than i was when i played for 2 years. The trick?
He said.. " I practiced right.."
I do agree.
"What book?" i asked..
"bop drumming" He said.

*I was silent about coming across it and tot it was not really applicable to me..
i don't play jazz anyway. I have no idea what i play too.. i play.. mistakes.
Going back to drums seems rather weird now. Real practice would need real commitment.

Anyway i do love to eat the subway in NUS. They are real generous with their veges.
And with 20% discount. Nice.

And the bus ride and MRT rides are really long. Feels like vomiting.

Well, met this lady, Ruth. From the name she's obviously a Christian.
Pretty smart. Medicine student. Play really well too. As would be expected
for a 2 years drummer. Shivers.. i am really scared of what is in the head
of Medicine students. I was almost one. I'm one who couldn't make it.

Before school start i might want to warm up a bit before my jazz drums audition.
Hope to pass. *stretch fingers*
*picks up sticks again for serious practice*

God i will never forget you in my life.
Although i may not be disciplined to pray everyday, i still remember you are the one who gives me "today".
I can't digest 7 chapters of bible a day, yet i am glad i still hold fast to your promises.
Anyway, i know i am really bad.
But in you i still see love.

Writing again

I am back blogging. :)
It was a real long freezer hibernation.

Just an update..
Gone are my Tough jungle lives..
Gone are my stressful, complicated and terrible working days.
Got a place in NUS architecture.

The 2 years of brain laze has cumulated tonnes of moss in my brain grooves.
I suspect if i do some x ray i might not see my brains. Empty as my snare drum.
*konk*

My days seems sadder and sadder.. i think i choose to be sad thats y.
Only if i could see the bright side of some things again.

*Randomness sinks in*
I still remember those depressed days when i missed one sunday of service..
I was a JERK. I talk like one, i act like one, i was one.
I don't like myself then.. I told myself not to act this way again.
Because i am not a jerk by nature. Totally not me.

I went for NUS guitar audition.. feel abit out of place. I tried to start
some conversation just to realise no one is interested to make friend.
I guess i was too talkative then. Anyway as usual i can't sight read,
I do respect them listening to me figuring out the blotch of ink flying around
the stadium tracks..*music score*

I really suspect i have some mental problem in reading.
Words work better than sleeping pills. The score too.. but
as a human, i have learnt to read and write. It is no longer ink
or black scribbly hairs on white surface.

Well as unexpected.. i have to stop my piano lesson. I was sad.
Still am sad. Always look forward to learning something new every lesson.
It will be my last lesson 30 Aug. What do i expect? An angel to appear and
teach me? I will be more than willing to pay $20.. thats what i can afford.
Anyway why would angels need money. I HATE the idea of money!

I am still sad over it.

I am 20 going 21.

I like to play drums. But, the idea of playing just to fill in the gap
when there is no gap at all disgust me. Makes no difference with
or without me. The only difference might be greater ease to the ear. Haha.
God i do love to play for you. I know you understand, I don't need to play.
Simple as having a spider on a wall. Or maybe a lizard.
I have no idea how else i can serve you.
I know! I can be the church's dishwasher, sounds more useful. Hahaha!
I will be one! Or i guess i am already one just not officially one.

Somehow the church reek of market smell.. or is it just me.
I don't think i smell like market. It is just a smell of meat kept in freezer.
I really don't mind being a vegetarian.. but surely i think i don't like
meat in my home freezer. Hahaha. Except Mock Meat. Veg meat.

Thank God i am deficient in my reading skills but to make up
He give me good nose. I never realise it till i tot i can differentiate coke from pepsi. Mm.. who can't. Hahaha. How about.. salt from socks. Hahaha! I beat no one dare to taste socks.. I also don't dare. Reuben once told me Charmaine got a smell..
i am sure he don't mean BO. I guess it is the shampoo when there is no perfume. What brand? Indian brand, Hahaha. Joking. But Indian smells thick and sweet.. i mean the garland.. the hair smells like olive oil and herb.

However good my taste and smell.. i am sure. Unless i get flu. Sadly i have unconventional likings. Not as the public would agree upon i would somehow feel there
is depth to the taste. Challenging enough to appreciate.
Anyway i love to eat what i love to eat. No amount of *Eeee or *Yucks will deter me from agreeing with *Eee.
Hahaha.

I really love to eat Yee Kei's Bee Hoon though. And the porridge in church. I am sure everyone agrees. It is not the food i taste.. it is the love i feel. Even if it is not something i like i will eat.. if it is not too spicy. Same for my mummy's food :)

Talk about spicy. It does numb my tongue. It match my character ya.. i am not those up for the trill.. But i do love trills on piano. Chopin's nocturne is sprinkled with it.

No more nonsense. I am sure i will be the only sentimental and crazy one to come back to read my own post. More to come.

I will wanna put down my uni experience in the days to come.