Packing my room again..

Nostalgic... The 2005 Jiaxing is so different from who i am now... I can't imagine how creative i was... FLipping through 2 books of incomplete manga drawn by that Jiaxing... I was amazed... I drew this? My idea? So Romantica! And an essay written by Jiaxing 1 year ago i was truly in awe by his maturity of thought and such strong Idea! Totally defeated. And 2 portraits of "teenage magazine" models drawn by him... Haha!! I can beat him in that.. But the portrait was so.."Alive" and it is done with $2 crayon! How did he do that? I grief because tat creative Jiaxing is going to die in a famine. A famine tat lasted 1 year + .. I am so going to brush up my drawing again.

Being in army for almost 2 years by now... Such rusty Brain... Such Determination to meet my Goals no matter what... Such low IQ that cannot even match a donkey.. Such hardwork to lossen my stiff fingers... Me. Now. Strong for War. Plain in thought. Write a command and i will complete it with my life!

GOD!!! RELEASE ME FROM THE TIE OF ARMY!!!! I AM SICK!!! SO SICK! AHHHhhh!!!!! MY BRAIN IS WASHED BEYOND RECOGNITION!!! THE COLOUR IS NOT FADED BUT THE COLOUR IS GONE!!! WHITE WASHED BRAIN!!!

Hiaz... NExT WEEk I will BE slamming myself on the floor Real hard till i vomit blood! That is what ARMY call Close Combat trainning.. Thank God it is just for 2 weeks slamming and flipping each other. Haha!

Mentality: Never think of surviving... Insurance will be paid to your family... God is waiting in heaven... "To die is Gain"! But never to die purposely, that will be suicide. God will protect me so i know i won't die so easily.

No paradox but a weakness strengthened by Faith in my God!

... God i Love You and that is true! I can say it so freely cuz U Love me too! I can Shout! " I Love You JEsus!!!" I can tell everyone i love you!!!

Think again.. If you love someone and cannot tell... Agony within is Great!

ANYONE KNOWS? God does. Everytime i see *er, to yell within my heart is all i am restricted to.. 720++days i live through it the same. God tell me what to do, i will wait for you God. Answer me when you will. My heart hides the word.. "I love you!" OK i know i do love her and there is nothing anyone can do about it even i can't do anything about it... to forget i will commit it to God and throw away and destroy everything that reminds me of her... to do tat i will destroy myself first! I will never do that... haiz... ok ba just keep this as a beautiful memory. Tats all i can do. God you hear me.. Comfort me for your love alone surpass all i need.

How to get Rich? NONSENSE!!!

I am having some disagreements with the DESIRE to get any richer. Simply say it," I Do not WANT to stay rich((define:having surplus to feed 1000 families)) if i were rich."

Me being too ignorant to be considered a thinking man once asked my fren,"So what are these BIG people under this capital system striving for? BIG companies competing against one another to produce better products at the lowest cost... Exploiting the poor in sweatshops."

My fren," Imagine if one company decides to give proper wages to the slaves, of course the cost of production will increase. And the price of the product will increase. Will you buy a shoe of same quality for $50 or $500? Of course tat company will not survive. Makes sense. Yes."

So in this case i see it is not the fault of the People working under this system... the fault lies solely in the system.

I was thinking how can a man be so cruel as to earn so much and even want to earn more at the expense of starving others. Simply saying GREED is = HEARTLESS!

As i began to ponder... My mind somehow drew a link... Ministers are earning alot... Tats all i can say before i get chained.

My fren once said," Who on earth will ever think they have too much money!"

I frowned... thinking,"U mean no one ever tot so... i am sure someone, somewhere disagree!"

Wat if someone have this idea. "I will never want to be rich because if i were a rich man, the money will be gone,leaving just enough for me to spend. Gone building schools, given as scholarships, and to provide medical services for the poor in rural regions." ... " I have just enough stomach space to eat one meal. Why save up Trillions of future meals leaving millions else where starving?"

I really pray to the deepest core of my heart... like i have never felt any burden heavier before... that the rich will not be lovers of money, wanting to get richer. But love God and love His ppl who are starving else where.

How true.. the --<>-- is the root of all evil..

--Sigh off...

*shake head*... " WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS WORLD I AM LIVING IN???!!!"

The world will be ruined by us man if God is not in control.
Thank You God i know you are always there giving hope to the poor and needy.

Performer's ethics

While in the lecture room doing some post exercise review, i was struck 'de repente' with floods of ideas... Hope i still remember them.. It seemed so inspirational to me at that moment. I was caught in un endless day dream.

Music, Essay? I saw an interesting analogy.
Notes = words
Beautiful notes with un rich tone is like skilled calligraphy.
Expressive melodies are like great ideas that can influence people.
Timely measures are just so appropriate like God's word in times of trouble.
Fitting modes chosen are like words that accentuate your great idea!
i know still got 2 more, i once remembered... now i don't.

Oh! And just a note can be great music! Likened to a shout of "FIRE!!!" in war. Great skill is needed to bring that "Fire!" to influence soldiers thinking.."Defend my country! Die with honour!" or set Paul thinking ,"To live is Christ, to die is gain!"

And a great instrument, not necessary expensive. I mean un instrument which you understand truly well and can speak your heart. It is like a great voice of Martin Luther expressing himself. Of course you must have a great idea!

And silence can be beautiful too! But in situations where Sounds exist... wait a minute i remembered something. Darkness is not nothing. Darkness feels cold and deserted. Being filled with darkness feels so miserable. So how can you be filled with "nothing"? Lets twist our brains abit, Imagine, Light is nothing! And when night comes the whole world get filled with darkness, when Day breaks The Black fades away.
Black is scary. But what about a black sky with Diamonds in the air. It is a real wonderful sight especially when you are in a war! Wow! Lol!

Oh yes! There is something about technique! Good techniqe doesn't add to your musicality. It brings out your musicality. Imagine a really poor essay with immatured idea written in real skilled calligraphy. How about dressing a Chimpanzee in top designer's clothes(for humans) *cuz a good designer can even bring out a chimp's beauty if he/she really does design one for chimp* Haha!!. Good technique but no musicality. Good technique with high musicality will be... Cedar for a Royal castle! If there is poor technique, it is really hard to execute some Great ideas you have. Do not trap your ideas in because of poor technique, i am certain just with some RIGHT exercises, good techniques can be achieved.

Mmm, I see I am no musician at all, in reality. But in heart i really wanna be. But I really thank God for approving me as a drummer for Him.
Just as what i heard from this great musician of God.. There is no greater love than God's love. There is no greater passion than the passion God has for our souls.
May i add, there is nothing worthy to boast about other than to boast in the Glory of my God!

Oh!!! Yes! Thank God i still remember... Now about composer and performer relation... It will be tragic to misinterprete a composer's music. I hope i will be sensitive and not do it... sometimes creativity can be used wrongly. Real Creativity will add more colour to music than to distort it.. Can be quite disgusting. Just like a nice apple... If you want to paint an appetizing apple, paint it just as it is. Too bright red and it will look dangerous, too dark red and it will look rotten. It is beautiful just as it is. Just as i know i am adorable just as who i am and God loves me. And I love God just for who He is. Lol! I will always think... "OOps What am i saying.. when i go into the shower and on the tap and say, "Oh God I love you for this hot water".*cuz i hate cold water* Haha.. and suddenly realize that, do i meant "I love You because of this hot water" or "I love you because of your care for giving me hot water"... So totally different. I still see selfishness in me when i say that... cuz what if it is cold water? Will i say , Oh God i hate you for this cold water? I have learnt not to... cuz water is not the reason i Love my God.

Oh.. There are some ideas which i forgot... these 3 days of deep reflection in the wilderness really set my mind in great wonder! OH!! Haha! And there was one night under the thick canopy! I was sleeping, then through my eyelids and through the thick canopy, i SEE Intense Red Flash then Yellow then orange then Red again in a split of a splited second. Then "Creek..Crack..BANG!..BOooomm.. Rumm..." I almost went deaf! My heart raced! When i realised it was a lightning, i prayed... Oh God don't let any trees fall on me!... Then i remembered...Oh, and my 3 fellow mates too. Thank God for his great protection i am alive. Haha.. I actually did smiled when i woke up alive! So overjoyed! Haha! Gracias!

I better stop before i can't.

Colours

A Mellow Dark and Peaceful Lake. A breeze soft and blue. A Pink Dandelion dancing in the wave of green pasture. A Scorching bright orange sun! Not intense enough! A Strong Red Laser Beam shooting down from the alien spaceship! Dead ash, charcoal black! A smooth velvet cloth to cover the dirt.
At last i can feel the vibrations of the air! But still yet to recognize. Knowing someone takes a long long time... No rush!

Passion-flooded

Just a mere "twing" of a high note in the early morning as i was reading my daily devotional brightens up the dawn. Jason was there playing the guitar. And another arppegio of notes highlighted the chirping of cheerful sparrows. I looked out of the window as if in a "fermata" daze. As God swings His baton down again, a Symphony begins. May i join in? "Yes you are a part of this wonderful creation!"
"Awesome!" Tats how i feel! " Totally Awesome! Awesome God!!!"

Music really captivates me. When they really do bring out a meaning! But i never seem to be able to master this. All the scales and modes are the A B Cs... the intervals forming words... the progressions forming sentences... the thing is what brings these things to sense? How can a mere note out of a chord send tears down my cheek and another bring me to cloud9? And why does a fast rhythm causes adrenaline rush?

Too bad i am retard to reading jumpy music notes. Brain is underdeveloped at tat side. lol! Language idiot i call myself. Even now i know i have lots of grammer errors yet i do not know where. Nono... a weak limb can never stop me from running. Strengthen the Limb! Till i can Gallop with such grace! Only God can make a change.

God created eagles which roam the skies! Eagles find pleasure in flying cuz they are made to fly. Penguines find pleasure in tap dancing! Lol! And horses gallop with such elegance you can almost see them smile. Take a closer look and you see few who are perfect for this natural gift. Eagles do flap their wings in desperation before, horses do stumble. I just need to knock a few more times before the gift ripen.

Shopping for a cleassical guitarre

All those shiny and smooth surfaces and hour glass figures captivated mi Man! Wooden Grains on the tops running like lines drawn by rulers... and the price? 1000+s... That's a beauty man!

So, wada u looking for kid?, "Spruce tops.. allows potential for seasoning... cedar tops, no seasoning but nice bassy sound..." "... Try them!"

I finally set my heart upon this C2 guitar! If vincent(the sales guy) find one with bear claws( marks on wood tat will give nice tones), i will settle down on this model! Priced at $450! Lol! Thank God for my abundance!

Love God! Love Church! and Love your Gift!

Money... is this what we are working for?

A juicy $50 in my wallet! Mmm... buy some chocolate?

" U better save up for UNI ar! I am not going to pay for you!" said mummy...
" save up some money for your bus fare..." the imaginary Me said, " ...and remember to give $50 to mom... learn to do it. And learn to give more by faith to the church... How aboout your Faith pledge?? Learn to have Faith! But if you do not save and just spend wildly, no money is going to fall from the sky!..."

Imaginary me speak again, " didn't you wanna save up for this $562 classical C-2 guitar? "... " forget it!"...

The army pay is not really pathetically pathetic, it is enough... but not enough to give and expect to save ... moreover... it is allowance and not salary. God gave me a dollar to use... put the dollar in the bank and eat humbly? Use up the dollar to enjoy myself to fullest? Or give it to church in need and eat humbly? Or give it to church, in expectation of a double fold return from God --- Remember, money don't fall from the sky!!! Moreover God won't give u everything u ask unless you ask with self-less purpose. Wrong thinking!

Money is creating Trouble? Not at all tat i see... Instead it is my Black-hole desire for more things that is troubling... hey i want this and i want that... giving myself excuses for why i need it so badly... actually i do not...well... I need to change.

But in the end...

I tried this ice wine Chocolate, this vanilla wine... champange... and many other chocolates at Chocz... summing up to $5++ ... Wat an enjoyment! Thank God! I saved the rest.

Magnify

NOw, how do you magnify God's greatness?
Is he so small that you have to use a microscope to magnify it?
Definitely not!
Instead! He is SO SO Infinitely Great! Great in Power, in Love and in Mercy that... in awe will you look at Him! After all, Just by words, He made the earth! And He formed us from plain atoms of Carbon and Hydrogen and Nitrogen..etc.
Just as a telescope magnifies a star, tat's is how God should be Magnified!

You see the sun so small in the sky, but yet you know it is so ENORMOUS and MAGNIFICIENT! Tell a 3 years old about this, show them and they will be in awe!

Now i see God SO GREAT! As far as East is separated from West! North from South!(Not within earth boundaries, i m refering to universe boundless-ries! That's how Great God's Love for us is! Tell my frens, but they do not comprehend!
Now, it is time to magnify and show them!!

Musical

I was in awe! Something more Beautiful than a Large Scale Musical is happening right in front of me! Grander than Majestic Opera Stage! Ideas Greater than Aristotle philosophy! Scenes just as authentic as Wildlife documentary!

The worship today was Great! It is not great just because of the beautiful music and harmonious choir. But Great, Just Great! Because of God's Wonderful Orchestration at work!!!
If life were a stage, Jesus will be a Flawless actor bringing the Perfect script about a perfect man to life. But of course, even professionals stumble on stage. Life can be a stage, but just a rehearsal stage, mistakes are tolerated,but never overlooked --just as sins are forgiven but will be brought to judgement. All of us rehearse everyday, trying to achieve perfection in the script given to us, bringing Pleasure to the script writer in occasional Full-dress Rehearsals. Eventually, bringing Glory to the script writer in the day of Actual Performance!
Sadly, so many reject their scripts. Reasons unknown. I do rebelliously reject some scripts added to me at times, and eventually someone else took over the role and did it. Sometimes i even change the lines/acts in scripts, thinking..."IT IS A TIME for me to Ad lib-"improvise" !see my creativity! Hehe!" And consequences are, I realise how foolish i am... Things will just work perfectly only if i follow.
And when it is time for me to "improvise" I just stop what i do, thinking... "Improvise?? Where are my lines? Maybe the idea is to idle and slack! Take 5! Haha!" But what the script really means is to think for myself and display creativity, making the whole act work! Action now! But still i slack!
(my mind twirl through the black hole, warped in time and came back... digress too much. oops.)
Imagine the director of this Great Stagework is Hitler! One mistake and "Bang!" brain splatter on the floor! Terrible is'nt it! Only one Of Perfect Mastery and obedience could survive such high demand! We stand no chance at all. But thankfully the director is no such strick-o as Hitler! But this director and also the script writer is full of LOVE and Passion for his stage crews.
In an attempt to show everyone the true mastery of stage, he wrote a script so Physically and emotional challenging that...Earth trembles... at the completion of this script! "Thunder roll!" Just for this Man, flawless and perfect ever since birth the script was directed! He is SO TALENTED that He is born for this script and "professionalism" demanded him to die for this work! This man, so dear to the director that no one else can replace him in his heart! Yet, the work was complete... this man died! On stage! Applauds! He retired after this last Grand Work! Now He sits beside the director, telling the rest.. "See you can do greater works than i! Cuz I will guide you along! My spirit be with you!"

... Oh no this is going nowhere, ok this is just an analogy. I really Thank God for this Great Love for us. So Great, may i do all i can to Glorify Him. The script, a lamp to my feet a light to my path!

When Minds meet

Ideas get across!

Prime Suspect

Oh man... I was trapped in a room. The dead silence just pierce the air producing ultrasound. " Man I have done nothing! I know nothing and I am suppose to be the last man on your Investigation List!!! "

One by one they confront me!
" So... tell me... *BANG TABLE!!* tell me EVERYTHING u know!"...
" I know YOU ARE HIDING SOMETHING FROM US!!!"...
" Think of your future, Do U know you can't go into uni if you have Records!"...
" Don't cover for your friends anymore... EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!"
" Later we are going to put up in jail overnight!"
" Why do you still look so calm! Do you know the seriousness of this! Normal person would panic... You are just BO CHAP aren't you!!!"

Time passed so slowly... 10am.. 12pm...3pm... 10 30pm.. 11 30pm...

" You are obviously hiding something from me!!!"

( I laughed, with minimal sanity )
Me: " I don't know!!! , I am desperate now! Just put me under the Lie machine LA!!!"

Thinking to myself:(Btw I am trained in facing worse torturous interrogation.. and not that i have a Bo Chap Attitude! Of course I tremble not! Just DON'T WASTE MY TIME!!! I kNOW NOTHING!!! MY words just don't go into tat THICK SKULL OF YOURS!!! Oh man wat is this attitude i have? I am obviously turning insane! )

Finally released at 11 30pm!

I AM PRIME SUSPECT FOR A CASE! Investigation in Progress! Man!!! If I find the culprit... AHhh! Clentch fist! But Thank God i am out!

(Above info is CLASSIFIED! No names or places mentioned! Authenticity is 100% but treat it as just another day for me!)

Helen Keller

I went to the library and this book came across me. "Helen Keller" Although it is in the children section, I don't care much.. Just pick up and borrowed it... seems interesting.

This is a girl who was deaf and blind and "dumb"-or mute at the age of 11 months old. Helen's experiences just inspires me, touches me. God just so blessed her with this chance to learn to express herself.
Spelling words into the small hands of hers, her teacher patiently taught this rebellious girl about the world. Till one day there was a berak-through. It all happened at this tap. While Helen was drawing water into her mug, her teacher spelled "water" into her other hand. Just as the cold water gushed down her hand, she dropped her mug. It's all so clear to her now, Language.. Words. Instantly she pointed to ask the name of the ground, the tap, everything around her and finally her "teacher". In a short span of one month, Helen grasped hundreds of vocabulary. Her willingness to learn finally brought her success. A little world of darkness and dispair turned into Colour and music and Light by that imagination of hers.

musicality... Oh... I finally see the light!

Got a book on "motivic soloing" from Yamaha!! Yea! Finally get the chance to learn to analyze solos! Just Cool! Working on it... After this i guess i won't "nonsense" solo anymore! Haha! And working on Percussion style drumming in "Latin". Man!! This is Pure... "COOL!!" Nevertheless, Thank God for this pair of hands and feet. Oh man, I wonder can i live without??? I can live without bathing..LOL... but can't survive w/o... my hands!

Mmm... Recently just feel a bit down... Thank God for the unchanging love.. tat i know i am loved!

But!!! Donno Y Just feel so "drummy"... Finger just wanna Tap around! This must be the Peak of my Drummy feeling! LOL! Oh! And crystal! Appetite GREATER than 10 000 trillion Locust!!! I am AMAZED! World PREMIER!!! WOnder how she will look when Chubby.. Sure very cute like Kola Bear! Haha! LOL!!! Oh man, Saw her fingers today, very agile! Pure beautiful! The music too! Only if i were a pianist... I would have so many things i wanna play!!! Haiz... I know God start me up as a drummer for a reason...

First drum solo ever in my life! But the sound lac.. video fast... Should go learn some music technology.Haha!

This makes me laugh all day

Salsa is pure Energetic

Polina Semionova, this is purely graceful!

House Visiting

Went house visiting with Kun and Frens (Let me specify)- Jun Jian, Jia He and Jin Chong. Haha. FUn Day!

The cute little boy at JiaHe house just make me wanna laugh... Look like the cartoon LA PI XIAO XIN! HAHAHA!! ULtiMAte CUTE la!!! HAHaha!

Then watched 'Snake On Plane'Disc1 in Kun House... Man!! Got some uncensored SECNES!!! M18 i suppose. THe snakes bite the couple while they were in the toilet... *adult content*... And some GroSS scenes! *vomit*

Oh! And Jun Jian's sister! Very cute too! Haha! But I was wondering at first Y she don't wanna talk, then when she started toking, ALL English!! And Jun Jian is in a Chinese speaking family! ???Mystery!! Then She started toking MALAY!!! HAHa! Shockin! She likes 2 watch Babie doll though.. got link?

Then proceed to this stranger house, Andreas, Kun's Fren! But i don't know her. Played poker and forfeit with food GORGing! Weird, Jia He just never lose... Gamble King man!

Last destination, Jin CHong House! First time play Majong! At first very blur about it, Now finally know how 2 play! PONG! Hu! Haha! After a while quite SiaN le.

Today is just pure JOY and FUN!
Hav never been so HIGH ever since Last last SUMMER! Now's Spring! Wake me up when September ends... ORD lo! Haha! Ok i am a person who cools down real Fast! Yawn! Nostalgic! Suddenly tot of someone who sat on my bicycle and fell off! Fell real Hard!! OUCH! Painful Xia! Flashes of memories! Then got lorry come... I STUN tio! AHHHhhh!!! SUddenly remember my CAR accident! ShoCK! PONG AH! Majong! Haha!! Totally no link also can think of it Xia! JIAXING! RELAX!!! Your left Brain is clashing with your right! doing a paradiddle-LRLLRLRR then a FLAM-lR,rL...then Drag-llR, rrL! Latin Rhythm!!! COol! ok! I Tink i should Stop toking No nonsense Yao! Americans are just talented Wrappers ...oops I mean Rapper! Haha! CHill chill! Fun Day!

Close up with Weckl

Another Latin Jazz